A new TNA video opened up, well, maybe new. I don't know. I haven't watched iMPACT! since the show right before Summerslam so they may have changed it in between there somewhere. Kind of funny how I talked TNA down for not changing their video in that review since it still had Jeff Hardy. It's good that they changed it though and it's definitely a better one then they had. From there, they played a recap of the lie detector segment with Jim Cornette and Jeff Jarrett from last week resulting in a lumberjack match featuring eighteen fans with leather straps as the lumberjacks. Cornette then named Jarrett's opponent: Samoa Joe. God, I still can't get over how badly they screwed up Joe's ascension. It was the perfect thing for Bound For Glory and to take TNA into the next era starting there, but no; we get Sting and Jarrett in a match no one wants to see. Great.
The iMPACT! video played followed by the voice of Mike Tenay as he hyped up the main event match between Raven and Abyss in the Hangman's Horror. The only thing worse than a dumb gimmick match like that is giving it away for free on TV in a match guaranteed to not go over ten minutes. He then said Jim Cornette is calling a town meeting for the first time ever tonight. It seems like Cornette is throwing a meeting every other week now. Not to complain because Jim Cornette with a microphone is pro wrestling bliss, but just like everything else TNA has had going for them at one time, they will probably run it to the ground. Look at Ultimate X and Abyss' thumbtacks. The fireworks then went off as they continued to pump up the main event and they even showed the collars in the ring. Don West joined in by this point and the two started pumping up Ultimate X at No Surrender between LAX and Daniels & Styles. Of course, they tried to pump it up like it was this magnificent return when it's only been like six months since the last one which was only four months after the one before that. This one's got some more intrigue though due to it being a tag team one, but still, TNA just needs to reserve it for once a year. A video package highlighting Ultimate X and the feud between the two teams played with it basically saying how Ultimate X is the great equalizer, LAX has their number, and this being the new champ's test. Short, but good video, but it's not like you really need a video to pump up Ultimate X since it wasn't that long ago that we saw it. Maverick Matt & Kazarian then made their way down to kick off the opening match as they showed clips of Ultimate X 4 which involved those two and AJ Styles. I'm sorry, but that had to be one of the worst Ultimate X matches (still beats the one on the Best Damn Wrestling Event Period) as it was the first in the six-sided ring and not only were they still getting adjusted to the ring, but they had the cables as well throwing them off. No doubt this one and probably most in the future will be better than that.
Tag Team Match
The Mavericks Vs. Phenomenal Angels
Got a better name for Kazarian & Bentley? Let me know. Anyway, this was a decent opening match that really picked up in the last stretch. Kazarian and Daniels started it off with chain wrestling going back and forth until Daniels got the advantage and Kazarian, pissed off, broke the chain and tried to brawl with Daniels. They went back and forth until Daniels hit the single leg dropkick for a quick nearfall and then Kazarian hit a hard back kick to Daniels' head allowing him to tag in Maverick Matt. Matt walked into a hip toss and arm drag by Daniels who then locked in a quick arm bar and tagged in AJ. AJ then started to work over the arm as well as the crowd started to get into it. Matt brawled out of it and the two went through the motions from there until AJ hit the picture perfect dropkick which he looked especially happy to hit for some reason. Daniels then tagged in and they did their double team spot of a reverse monkey flip into AJ's knees on the turnbuckle followed by AJ planting Matt right across Daniels' knees. That's a very fun spot that I always enjoy watching; I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone else try and pick it up yet. Matt countered out of a suplex and they traded blows with Daniels coming out on top with a very nice uppercut. He tried to capitalize on it from there, but Kazarian quickly tagged in and hit a springboard clothesline to set up the Morton spot. Kazarian stayed on him with a float-over suplex into a series of right and then Matt tagged in for some double team action. They both kicked him in the gut, Matt kicked him straight in the face, and then Kazarian hit a neckbreaker to leave Daniels' condition in question as we head to a commercial. I was hoping for a bigger spot to lead into the commercial break to pique the viewer's interest, but it's not like the match has sucked so far.
Commercial break number one now has me thinking about Ultimate X5.That one really did suck and I could go my whole life with never seeing it again. Why did it suck? Same exact reason the Hangman's Horror match will. It's a "special" gimmick match they threw away for free on TV with no build-up and gave it no time whatsoever.
Coming back, the crowd was behind Daniels and he was trying to fight out of the enemy corner, but Matt grabbed him from behind and slammed him down into the corner. Kazarian then nailed a dropkick into the corner using the ropes and Matt tagged in for another double team move which was Matt leading Daniels right into a bicycle kick. A bit of miscommunication followed as Kazarian went for the cover (and Slick Johnson went down to count it) but realized he wasn't the legal man and hoped off causing Matt to go for the cover only for AJ to shove him off. Sequences like this just show that not many nowadays can improvise on the spot well. Matt choked out Daniels in the middle of the ring from there and then locked in a headlock which Daniels powered out of with a series of elbows to the delight of the crowd. He then hit the STO takedown to get the hot tag to AJ. AJ hoped in taking out Kazarian with a bunch of clotheslines and then a fireman's carry into a neck breaker (or back breaker; looked more like the neck to me) across his knee in a great spot. AJ then followed it up with another great move hitting a back suplex into a very hard face plant which Kazarian sold well. Come to think of it, Kazarian's actually been looking pretty good in this match. Anyway, AJ made the cover, but Matt made the save. Daniels & Kazarian started going at it from there ending with Daniels hip tossing Kazarian to the outside. The faces then did the High/Low onto Matt and Daniels hit the side slam (not the ura-ange, damn it) to Kazarian who hopped in. They then did the Best Moonsault Ever/Frog Splash combination for the win in a decent opening match.
Winners: Phenomenal Angels
Star Wrestler: AJ Styles
To be honest, I expected a lot better, but it was still good for a short TV match. Kazarian was pretty good in the match, to be honest, but I found myself enjoying AJ's offense the most out of the whole match so why not give it to him? I'll tell you, the team of AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels is something I never expected to get behind like I have. It's really like a perfect team because the two cover up the faults of the other insanely well. If AJ sticks with it, I could easily see him becoming a way better tag wrestler than singles, but where's the glory in that? Don't try and argue that either; for a guy who needs to be reassured by the crowd after hitting a picture perfect dropkick, you know that's what he wants.
The former champions then stood tall with the UX cables and we were sent to the back to Borash as a situation was breaking down apparently. Larry Zybsko & Eric Young popped up in a shouting match with Larry saying that he stated Young's bad for business and he proved him right. He ran down Young's methods last week with Young saying it was supposed to work and Borash trying to break it up. Jeff Jarrett, dressed like a very old Opie, then made his grand entrance shutting them both up and saying he's the one with two big matches within a month. He then said they got him into this and they'll get him out of it. He ran down Young for his ideas last week and a monumental "Don't fire Eric!" chant breaks out. Jarrett then had a job for Young and wanted the distant relative of Butters Stotch to find out what Sting's doing, how he's training, who he's training with, et cetera. Young tried to argue with him, but Jarrett screamed at him to go and he ran off with Zybsko adding "and stay out!" Jarrett then turned his attention to the guy with a nice head of a hair and said he'll see if he still has power and stroke tonight. He demanded Zybsko interrupt the meeting later with Cornette and get him out of this match or he'll have hell to pay. Jarrett hopped out with Zybsko saying he'll do it and questioning the look Borash was giving him. I would have liked to see more Eric Young and less Zybsko (or no Zybsko) in the segment, but it was still a pretty good segment even if Jeff Jarrett did look like a reject Opie and TNA's done an amazing job of protecting Young so far unlike another company's use of simpletons and morons. Christy Hemme then popped up and pumped up the rest of the show with Raven Vs. Abyss as well as Cornette's town hall meeting.
Commercial break number two still has me marveling at how much TNA basically has two girls (Christy Hemme & So Cal Val) doing almost the same freakin' job. It's no wonder why TNA's checkbook looks like a battlefield.
Singles Match
Alex Shelley Vs. Chris Sabin
I was expecting more considering it was Alex Shelley and he normally has amazing chemistry with Sabin (as well as Dutt), but it was still better than most other matches considering it's Alex freakin' Shelley. Anyway, they showed the Jackass segment from last week as Sabin and Shelley locked up in the middle of the ring. They pumped up the title match between Senshi, who came out on the top of the ramp to watch, and Sabin as the two in the ring went through a fast interaction of chain wrestling with both being evenly matched. They went through some more holds from there with Shelley being a God as always and then Sabin hit a big shoulder block & a spin around arm drag with Shelley answering with a nice arm drag of his own. After each hold and move, Shelley kept going right back to the right arm, but Sabin finally got the clear advantage with a big head scissors sending Shelley to the outside and then a tope suicida. I'll save you all the tope/plancha rant this week. A big "Hail Sabin!" chant then broke out as the two traded blows in the middle of the ring and Shelley coming out on top with an eye rake. Shelley then hit a snapmare and a big dropkick to the head followed by a double leg takedown and a missed lionsault after Sabin rolled away. Sabin charged at Shelley from there, but Shelley put him up and over onto the apron with Sabin then responding with a big springboard dropkick. Nothing wrong with the match, but it just seems like they are going through the motions here to a degree.
They kept showing Senshi shots as well as he's scouting the talent. I guess they are going to go in the direction of Sabin losing because he didn't scout ahead of time and Senshi did, resulting in Jerry Lynn coming out of limbo to teach him a lesson. It's still a little early to tell and I must say, I'm kind of digging how they are saving Senshi for something special. By not having him on every show, they are giving him a mystique and don't run the risk of over-exposing Senshi to the crowd. Of course, then I realize that he's on Xplosion and the argument kind of goes out of the window and I see TNA's priorities. Anyway, Sabin then hit a huge kick into the corner straight to the face of Shelley for a big pop and then he set him up in the Tree of Woe and nailed the hesitation dropkick he's known for. Jay Lethal came out on the other ramp brawling with Johnny Devine as Sonjay Dutt came out from behind with a shopping cart and it was time for another dumb promotional spot for Jackass 2. In the ring, Sabin had Shelley up for the Cradleshock, but Shelley wiggled out of it and hit a side kick followed by a huge dropkick. Back to the jackasses, the faces put Devine in the shopping cart and rolled him down the ramp right into the steel post as Shelley freaked out. Distracted, Sabin got the quick roll up and win to end the match. Not bad at all, but I really hoped for more.
Winner: Chris Sabin
Star Wrestler: Alex Shelley
I felt they were both going through the motions here and killing time till the finish, but in the end, it's Alex Shelley and he's miles better than Chris Sabin might ever be and this is coming from someone who oddly enjoys most Chris Sabin matches.
After the match, Senshi obviously didn't look please. Was it because of the level of skill Sabin won with or was it because he's scared? Logic says it'd be the first one. TNA says it will be the second. Eric Young then ran out with the camera and pulled Shelley away so I guess the Paparazzis have a new job. West & Tenay then talked about that as well as the upcoming PPV which led into a personal video package of Rhino & Christian. It was done in the manner of the Joe-Steiner one, but obviously not as heated or awe-inspiring for obvious reasons. They showed old videos of the two together for a good personal touch and Rhino stating that they were so tight that he was in Christian's wedding and the former champ was the first to hold Rhino's daughter besides himself and his ex-wife. Christian said you can't carry friends forever and he gave Rhino a chance to be a man with the chair, but he didn't take it. Christian claimed he did it because he cared for Rhino (I'm sick of that heel turn defense) and Rhino needs people like him to be great, make a living, and be able to put food on the table. Rhino said he now sees the kind of person Christian is (all heel qualities) leading me to believe he must have been oblivious to Christian in WWE and they were even on the same brand for a while. He then said he's going into the PPV for revenge and when you turn on a friend, that's the last thing you do. To finish it up, Christian hit a heel line about how he's just here to build a legacy and the rest should be glad to be around for the ride. I don't care what you say; TNA is not the place to build a legacy right now. In a few years, it will probably be out of business and be another notch in WWE's belt with the footage only being released a couple of times a year. And of course, WWE shows what they think of legacies built in rival companies. This is isn't just me "hating" on TNA; it's just looking at the ratings and the buyrates from TNA not improving enough to make a difference in TNA while they continue to hire big stars and piss away more money. Christy then popped up after the video and pumped up the main event match as well as the town hall meeting again.
Commercial break number three has me wondering what would make Rhino block out 2004 so he forgot about Christian being an asshole. Oh, yeah; Vince McMahon interrupting his house show match and running him down. Sorry.
"A Starr Is Born On October 22nd" stated a graphic as we came back. I really don't want to say who it is because I don't want to deal with all the TNA marks e-mailing me afterwards about being spoiled…and I hate reading stuff not expecting to get spoiled and then being hit upside the head with it, but let's just say that I can not wait for this guy to "debut" in TNA. A very short video then played about Raven, Abyss, and the Hangman's Horror match. Raven talked about starting a dysfunctional family in 1995 with Runt as a favorite member and he didn't give Abyss permission to play with him. The sexual undertones in that kill me. Mitchell spent the video talking about the brutality of the match and how Abyss will put Raven out his misery. That was it. God, I can't believe how third-rate this gimmick match (and semi-feud) is coming off.
Hangman's Horror
Abyss Vs. Raven
Yeah, this was bad. To start it off before the bell, Abyss headed on up to Raven in the top of the bleachers (his "perch") and they started brawling. Abyss whipped him into a big row of chairs, but Raven came back and took him onto the ramp and then right into the UX post. Raven looks like he's aging one year after every match; so sad. They brawled some more until Raven hit a Russian leg sweep into the barricade and then rolled into the ring to officially start the match. Raven got the upper hand with a big clothesline, but then Mitchell handed Abyss some kind of sign and laid out Raven with it as we went to commercial. Literally nothing happened in the first stretch that made me care about this match at all and it didn't change much after the break.
Commercial break number four still can't believe they are not only giving this match away for free, but also making it seem as third-rate as possible in terms of match quality, time, importance, build-up, et cetera.
Coming back, Abyss slammed Raven with a chair into the sternum and we could see Raven's nose was busted open over the bridge. Abyss then went for his senton or whatever onto the chair of Raven who was laying, but just like always, Raven got the chair up and crotched Abyss. Abyss' matches have become routine since the summer of last year and it's so utterly sad to see someone who could have been a great big man just not care anymore. He was never going to be a Vader-style worker, but still. Raven then countered a DDT attempt from Abyss into an Evenflow DDT and the announcers didn't even care. I forget what they were talking about, but the former NWA World Heavyweight Champion just hit his finishing move and they didn't care one iota or acknowledge it's presence. It really shows you how important this match was as well as Raven in TNA's mind. Raven then locked in two dog collars onto Abyss thus tying him up in the middle of the ring as he grabbed two trash can lids and a big can. He then laid into Abyss with the can and lids before going for the third one allowing Mitchell to distract him. Raven then locked up Mitchell and went after him with a chair, but took too long (hurray for stalling) allowing Abyss to get off and stop him. Abyss then locked in Raven with a chair, but Raven hit a low blow and tried to go after Mitchell (where were his priorities at?) but couldn't reach him. Trying to figure out a way to get around it (hurray for more stalling), Raven turned around into a big boot from Abyss sending him over the top rope. Abyss then used the chain and leverage to choke out Raven and the ref called for the bell. Yep, that was it. Wow, that was a monumental waste of time and a gimmick
Winner: Abyss
Star Wrestler: Raven
Abyss' matches have become completely routine because he just doesn't care and it's painfully obvious. The only good thing about this match is that they didn't bust out some inane thumbtack match that we just saw at the last PPV and the one before that and the one before that. Abyss used to be one of the best things in TNA period, and now, I really dread watching his matches. With that said, Raven gets this by default.
Brother Runt ran down after the match, laid out Abyss with two chair shots, and then went to help Raven. In a Russo-style swerve that no one cared about, Runt then hit Raven with the Acid Drop off the apron. Wow, that was a monumental waste of time and a turn.
A new Bobby Roode vignette then played and he met with Colonel Parker, former leader of the Stud Stable. Roode was apparently excited to see the Colonel and Parker ran down his list of wrestlers like Austin and Foley, and he then tried to flatter Roode. He said Roode's the best in pro wrestling, must have a ton of girlfriends, and is definitely riding in class. Of course, Roode's not going to disagree with the man. The Colonel then guaranteed Roode's success will be twenty-four carat gold and he asks for the opportunity with Roode saying he'll definitely keep him in mind. These videos are actually getting me intrigued for two reasons. One, to see just what manager will make a cameo and two, just what "big manager" TNA will eventually stick with Roode. No doubt that manager will probably be ten times worse than most that have already come through, but I'm eagerly anticipating Paul Bearer showing up. They then showed Cornette making his way to the ring looking like a man on a mission with a clipboard as the fans were circling the ring. Cornette on a mike gives me hope. It being a TNA main event segment takes away that hope like an Indian giver.
Commercial break number five has me actually kind of happy since the show's almost over, but that's not a feeling exclusive to iMPACT! and I'm damn near ecstatic by the end of RAW and SmackDown! since they are twice as long. Of course, there are good episodes from all three every once in a while, but on the whole, I'm lucky if I can make it through a show completely optimistic and/or happy nowadays.
Jeremy Borash was shown the Latin American X-Change who were celebrating a big party as we came back with decorations and some dancing chicas. Konnan said they are kicking off the celebration for Hispanic Heritage Month a week early and will do it LAX style and go to No Surrender after that to retain their belts. He then talked to AJ & Daniels saying it's really personal and they better look both ways wherever they go because they're going to be lurking. He ran down them doing American pastimes (highlighted by a Larry The Cable guy impression) and then said they are going to put them through more tables, put more stitches in their head, and there's going to be violence like they've never seen. God, the fire in Konnan's eyes and voice was incredible and this was just another segment to add to the long list as to why this feud rules. I could have gone with this lasting a lot longer as opposed to getting the stupid Hangman's Horror match. A cheesy video package then popped up asking, "Do you hate Jeff Jarrett?" Since they already mentioned Larry The Cable Guy, I was already on the Blue Collar mindset and definitely was hoping for Bill Engvall to pop up with a quip. They showed some videos that fans have already seen and I've got to say, the TNA audience looks incredible. They then told us to send in our personal videos of Jeff Jarrett hate and I'm just left with one question: where was Kent Jones?
The closing segment then went on which was the town hall meeting with Jim Cornette in the ring surrounded by fans. He welcomed them all to the first one and said without the fans, they wouldn't be around, on TV, on PPV, or successful. No way is he getting away with that. One, you were on PPV from the start when you were getting less than ten thousand weekly to watch you. I doubt the fans had anything to do with you getting on, being on, and staying on PPV. Second, you're around because Jeff Jarrett couldn't go back to WWE. Third, you're on TV because you paid for the time originally and then got the opportunity of a lifetime with WWE leaving Spike TV. Finally, I pray to God that you don't factor the ability to make a profit into being successful. I know that was harsh, but God damn, it needed to be said. He pumped up the crowd some more and then said he wants them all to be in on this and told them to let him hear the leather straps they all have in preparation for the Fan's Revenge match. I guess people didn't know how to snap leather together or just didn't care because I maybe heard one or two straps. Cornette then moved on to the Jarrett videos and he didn't realize so many people hated Jarrett so bad. He said he ranks on a popularity pole between Osama Bin Laden and crotch rot. Umm…ok? He then told people to send in their tapes if they want to tear the hide off of Jeff Jarrett and I can literally feel the heat coming off a Kent Jones promo down in some trailer park in Alabama. Cornette moved to the next point and said Earl Hebner got exonerated by the polygraph test and while he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed and fell in with the wrong crowd, he's giving him one more chance and he told him not to screw up because he doesn't dish out third chances. Any hope that we had for Cornette breaking the mold of being a moronic authority figure has been killed repeatedly by this point. Cornette basically called him an utter moron, but is going to bring him back anyway and will probably give him some title matches to ref. It's not that I don't like Cornette and the man is amazing on the mike, but this is ridiculous!
Cornette then said Larry Zybsko wasn't exonerated and they will have a meeting soon to discuss his future. (Cue cheesy middle school voice) Ooh, someone's in trouble! Cornette then introduced the special guest of the segment who has made an exact science out of pain, who is undefeated, and who will face Jeff Jarrett on PPV: Samoa Joe. Joe made his way out with a strap in hand and showed it off to the crowd for some kind of emphasis. Cornette told him his task is to inflict so much pain on Jarrett that he'll have to exit the ring and thus, get wailed on by the fans and he knows Joe is up to the task. Joe got on the mike for a good promo from there. He concurred and said he's been charged with a mission to punish Jarrett for crimes against TNA (like the Planet Jarrett stable) and crimes against the TNA fans (like keeping Joe back). A big Joe chant broke out from here and then Joe made it clear that even though the title isn't on the line, Jarrett's ass is theirs come No Surrender and he'll know why they call him the Samoan Submission Machine as well as why he's the most feared man in this industry and he will own him at the PPV. Samoa Joe is pro wrestling right now in America and that's the damn truth. After the good promos from Joe and Cornette, it was time to muck up the segment seeing that Zybsko made his way down and said he wants to talk now. He said he's had his fill of Cornette and before he came to TNA, he and the committee were running TNA perfectly fine and all Cornette is doing is making one dumb decision after another like putting Jarrett into a match with fans as lumberjacks. That definitely has a lot of truth in it, right Hebner?
Zybsko then said it's a slap in the face of the great tradition of wrestling (no, that's Petey Williams' Canadian Destroyer). "Joe's going to kill you" chant then broke out as Joe stared through the committee head's very soul. Zybsko then said he's still the committee head and demanded Cornette take Jarrett out of the match. Cornette obviously didn't oblige, said he's not taking him out of anything except this arena in an ambulance after the match (very good line), stated Zybsko's a crook, threatened to disband the committee, and then said he's not going to talk about this and told Zybsko to get out. Oblivious to the fact that Samoa Joe is behind him and there are hundreds of fans around ringside, Zybsko asks, "You and what army?" I'd like it if TNA could give us some intelligent characters for a change. Cornette then shouted the army of Samoa as Joe started to whip Zybsko with the strap. Zybsko then exited the ring and Cornette told the fans to help him out, basically meaning they whipped him some more for good measure. Jeff Jarrett, still dressed as Opie, then came out with a chair and he pushed down a women with a strap and began to whip her to show the fans who's in charge here. I like the idea of Jarrett doing that to make him look more evil, but they barely gave it any play as it went right to the quick iMPACT! recap video and that was it. Yeah, he whipped the poor woman, looked at the camera, and then they cut away for reasons unknown to basic logic. That was it.
iMPACT! this week was just…there. Looking at all that happened, I really only disliked the Hangman's Horror match and the town hall meeting which basically leaves the show at an average level since that was perhaps one-half of the show right there. The show didn't do it for me at all despite good promos from LAX, a decent opening match, and Alex Shelley on my TV. I read a report on ECW from, I think, the Observer site recently which stated it was a completely inoffensive one hour show that is neither particularly good or particularly bad and that's basically the way iMPACT! has been since debuting on Spike TV. Some weeks, it's better than normal and other weeks it's worse than normal, but overall it's just a one hour show that doesn't waste your time like RAW because it doesn't have nearly as many chances to insult your IQ. I really hope they don't get two hours soon and not because I'm not a big TNA fan; I just don't want another two hour wrestling show on TV with more chances to be completely bored, completely insulted, and horribly apathetic. iMPACT! right now is pretty much right behind ECW as being the best television wrestling show and it's completely because it's a lot easier to watch because of the time, thus making it a lot more fun and leaving more anticipation for next week whereas RAW and SmackDown! have you wondering why you're still watching by the end of hour one. This wasn't a bad show and there was a bunch of good on it (albeit one pretty bad match), but like all mainstream TV now, it was nothing to make a big deal about at all.
Well, iMPACT! down and a bunch to go. I actually did review Heat but won't be posting it anywhere else since it was just a recap show so if you want to read it, just click here. Up next is Xplosion which I'm told has a good X Division match, followed by SmackDown! which I am dreading with a passion. IWW Whiplash TV and WWE Unforgiven will follow that and I'll give a complete list of all the upcoming reviews when I finish SmackDown! (hopefully tonight). Again, I need to plug this as I'd love it if all of you reading this would take the time to check it out. My site has it's annual Hall Of Fame voting up right now and it's literally one of the very few, if the only, Hall Of Fames out there that is completely decided by fan votes! There's a ballot of three women workers, six tag teams, six personalities & promoters, and fifteen male workers up right now and to vote, all you do is pick two, four, four, and ten of those respective groups! For all the information on how to vote as well as to just vote period, just click here now. Thanks! Now, it's time for me to continue my game of catch-up so let me get started on Xplosion. 'Till next time guys, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch, as long as it's not some throwaway gimmick match.
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