Yeah, change of plans; I'm going to start at the beginning of the month for wrestling and just work my way up to the present. Again, no promises; but I will try. Anyway, for those who don't know, the Velocity and Heat archives are available on WWE.com. Some quality matches on there, guys. To be honest, I'd take these shows over SmackDown!, RAW, and iMPACT! some weeks.
Anyway, this week's edition of Velocity started off with the typical WWE video and then the green octane video known as the Velocity opener. Simon Dean and The Gymini then made their way out as we were greeted by the undeserving voice of Steve Romero who may just be the worst thing to happen to Velocity since Ernest Miller. This show just has bad luck with commentators and really only struck gold with Josh and Tazz for a bit in 2003. God, that duo would rock on Friday nights. Anyway, everyone's favorite cruiserweight team then made their way out and it's time to go into the opening bout!
The Gymini Vs. Shooting Stars
Do we even know what the each member of the Gymini names are at this point? Good God, that's sad. The match was pretty fun and way better than I thought it'd be because of the other two in the ring. Call me crazy, but the Gymini looked way better than the last time I saw them. It didn't even look like they were carried except at the finish, so either this was the best and/or most subtle carry job ever or the Gymini are not as bad as people make them out to be. Nah, that can't be it; must have been a fluke. Anyway, I said the match was fun, but there really wasn't much to it. Paul London was the face-in-peril and had his back worked on from the get-go pretty well by the Gymini. His comeback was a little faulty, but it was covered up very well by Kendrick's hot tag which had zero heat at the start but way more than normal WWE curtain-jerkers towards the end. Just goes to show you the skill he's got. Dean was on the outside rallying the charge the whole time which basically had me think the heel faction had definite potential. Sure, Dean is repetitive as hell and the Gymini aren't special, but it's not like there are any other factions going on right now. God, the faction is such a lost art in WWE that I'm begging for some giant penises to be in one and claiming it has potential. I can't tell which is worse; WWE for not having one (or not giving focus to one when they have it like the Mexicools) or TNA for adding every bad guy under the sun into theirs.
Back on point, Kendrick hit the Sliced Bread #2 towards the end, yet the ref was preoccupied in getting London off of one of the heels so no pin fall for our happy-go-lucky cruisers. After that, Simon Dean distracted the ref while the Gymini hit their double press slam or whatever for the win. That kind of pissed me off since the time between the move hitting and the ref starting the count was almost identical as earlier yet one of the Gymini kicked out and Kendrick didn't. Pissed me off more when I think of how they've built up the Shooting Stars in the past few months and how they're supposed to enter into a program with MNM.
Winners: The Gymini
Star Wrestler: Brian Kendrick
Despite the pretty bad ending, it was still a pretty decent and fun match with the star nod going to either Kendrick or London as always. In the end, London botched a Huricanrana at one point in the match and while it may or may not have been his fault, that's really the only thing separating them. While it may seem petty, I think it's a compliment to how well the two work as a tag team if either's skill doesn't surpass the other like in most other teams.
Orlando Jordan Vs. Ace Steele
Great to see CM Punk and Colt Cabana's trainer here. Hopefully he'll be able to get a good or decent match out of Jordan; no one else seems able to. Is Jordan still affiliated with JBL? Random question, but valid nonetheless. Well, Ace didn't get a good or even a decent match out of Jordan and I wish I could say he got a better match out of him than in recent memory, but lying is just not good for the soul. There really wasn't much here: Jordan worked on Ace who made a few comebacks, Jordan hit two moves, and then one-two-three. Quick and painless; well, maybe not so much painless. Highlight of the match was probably a semi-sick face plant Ace took after Orlando ducked the through-the-ropes shoulder tackle that normally sets up like a Sunset Flip. Just looked botched (probably was knowing Jordan) and came off as a nice, big, solid thud. In a strange highlight, Jordan finished the match off with a Spinebuster and modified Downward Spiral for the win. That's not the highlight though, rather the crowd reaction he got. It wasn't even like Ace sold it more than other guy. It was a standard Spinebuster and finish but the crowd seemed to buy it big time, which leads me to believe there may be some hope for Orlando yet. Remember to emphasize the word "some" when you go off to make fun of me to your friends please.
Winner: Orlando Jordan
Star Wrestler: Ace Steele
When the jobber has a better offense (yet with less moves) than the guy supposed to come out looking better, there is something wrong with somebody and it's not that jobber. Ace wasn't as good as I've seen him in NWA Central States or ROH, but still better than Jordan probably ever will be. Maybe all that hair is just getting to him in a weird way.
Holy Hamburgers, a backstage segment then came on. Not just any segment though; nope, it had to be one with Vito. What did I do to deserve this? At least he's dressing swank tonight instead of those tights that make me suspect he wants us to picture him nude. Don't look at me like that; you've seen the color of those tights! Anyway, Vito talked about how he got no respect and blah-blah until Nunzio popped up with the Godfather game. Ah, so we only get Vito in a segment if he's plugging something. Not much of a victory, but I'll take it. Nunzio then went off about the game and said he can see it now: Don Vito. That'll be the day. They then fight over a bit, but Nunzio then reminded him he had a match tonight so Vito scampered off to deliver another classic dud.
Vito Vs. Funaki
Why is Vito in the main event as a singles wrestler? WWE trying to give him another career highlight? I have to admit that he did come out like a star better than I've ever seen him before. He wasn't even wearing those tights I talked about! I'm going to have a hard time finding something to pick on him with. I loved Matthews' pre-match comment on Funaki not interviewing anyone in two years yet still being the number one announcer. Poor Joshy forgot about that sweet segment with Kid Kash where Kash laid him out; well, to be fair, WWE probably forgot about it more and first. Oh, remember when I said I'm going to have a hard time finding something to pick on Vito with; well, apparently not! I don't even want to know what he was trying to do in the opening seconds; and as for the rest, he could barely lock up right, took the first two hip tosses like a green trainee, and couldn't even get a peep out of the crowd mid-match when he started taunting. Great work, Vito; absolutely superb. Funaki was pretty much his normal WWE self here which isn't exactly mind stirring, but miles ahead of Vito at any point in the bald oaf's career. The match was actually worse off than the one before hand, which was sad as this one wasn't the total squash the other was and it was supposed to be the main event. Even the finish was something out of WrestleCrap as Vito countered the Tornado DDT into a weak press slam and then hit a Hangtime DDT that would have brought the house down if it was done by someone like AJ Styles. As it was, the crowd barely made a peep and the match was over. Poor Funaki. Poor us.
Winner: Vito
Star Wrestler: Funaki
After watching Vito for about thirty seconds, it was fairly obvious who the star wrestler here was. I honestly think a blind person could have deduced this one.
Our good heels then celebrated over the guy less than twice Vito's size he just beat as the announcers hyped up WrestleMania 22 in some final breaths and the show went off the air thankfully.
Yeah, this episode of Velocity was definitely a stinker. To be fair, it was only twenty minutes and if you can't spare twenty minutes (or ten to watch the opening bout), something's wrong with you. It really seemed like the matches went in the completely different order than they should have. If the tag match had gone on after Jordan-Steele, the finish probably would have ten times as much heat. I know that is a bit of a stretch because it's Velocity and only twenty minutes, but every little bit of build-up counts in a show. You should all definitely check out the tag match, but unless you're bored and want to watch an accurate depiction of bad wrestling, I'd suggest not checking out the other two matches. The joy of online Velocity: the power of choice!
That's it for this one. Next up is an NECW TV review followed by NWA-VA Action Zone and TNA iMPACT!, all of which were from April 1st. Then it's onto the big time with the NOAH 4/2 show and WWE WrestleMania 22 finally. God, I'm so behind. Oh, well; you got to have a goal in life and I guess mine is to caught up on weekly reviews. 'Till next time, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch.
Copyright © 2005; TheWrestlingVoice.com & Douglas Nunnally.
All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer & Privacy Statement
| What Did You Think About WWE Backlash 2008? |
|
|