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Well, this is my first look at the Jersey All-Pro Wrestling product, so let's see if it strikes my fancy. They open up with a "in memoriam" graphic of Russ Hass (Charlie Haas' deceased brother) which is kind of odd considering Russ died a fairly long time ago. They then show a disclaimer followed by JAPW Champion Jay Lethal talking to B-Boy about being brought up to a level that he didn't think he could reach. He then says after he didn't think could get there and did, he now he wants to go beyond it because Rhino gored him after the match (I have no idea which match he is talking about). He then goes onto say how the champ normally has a target on his back, but Rhino took the easy way out and hit his back. So Lethal is challenging Rhino to see if he can hit the bull's-eye in his chest. Pretty good promo from a guy not normally known for his promo work. The JAPW video then plays which shows a pretty hardcore promotion which is not what I thought this promotion was at all. Oh, well; it could still be good. I'm not that big of a fan of overly hardcore feds like CZW (though they picked up this year), but I'll give it a shot.
We get some guy hyping up the show tonight where it will be the Backstreet Boys defending their tag titles against the SAT and then the SAT walks on and starts to cut a promo. Whoa, the SAT talks? Where the hell have I been? They say they proved last month who the best tag team was and tonight they will go home with the straps. They then go off on the mouth in Spanish and we go to a match.
Well, maybe not because we just get a highlight reel of Trent Acid losing the tag titles solo (split coming up, maybe) to the SATs. God damn it, I hate when shows do that. Either show the full match or don't. I don't like highlight reels unless you're pumping up for another match. If you say you're going to give us a match, give us a full one. Anyway, the SATs won with the Spanish Fly and after they celebrated a bit, Monsta Mack showed up (ROH marks will remember that name) and told them to hit the move again onto Acid, to which they did. Ok, good for them. The crowd doesn't really seem to care and after not getting a full match, I don't either. Monsta Mack then gets in the ring and starts to mouth off to Acid about disrespecting JAPW. Acid then pushes him out of the ring and flicks him off. Oh, that will help. Nine minutes in and I'm already horribly disappointed.
We then see the SATs cutting a promo talking about how they are the best tag team in the world. Monsta Mack then shows up and says he's tired of people disrespecting these belts. He goes on to put over the SATs and the belts and then says he's going to go spread the word or something to that effect and get them some challengers. The SATs then put themselves over some more and Monsta Mack says they better both defend it. So apparently, Trent Acid's partner Johnny Kashmere didn't show up or something to that extent which pissed off Monsta Mack. Get over it, baby. Shit like that happens all the time in every promotion.
Some trio then shows up bitching about the "Toys For Tots" show JAPW is putting on. They keep calling themselves the familia and one of them looks Hispanic, so I'm going to assume this is your typical racial/national heel group. They ask why should they give toys to these people and then say they are going to steal the toys themselves. They then refer to themselves as La Familia and talk about how they are bringing pain and then they wish the kids a Merry Christmas, La Familia style. Good segment, but the camera work gave me a blinding headache as well as the colors. Whoever produces this show should be shot.
We then see an advertisement for that "Toys For Tots" show while "I'll Be Stoned For The Holidays" plays in the background very randomly. This is coming off like such a great promotion, let me tell you. They then plug their shows in January which will have Monty Brown on it because Monty Brown naturally sells tickets. They pump up the card and say we will find out Lethal's opponent tonight. An advertisement for the DOI is then shown again randomly. Hmm, wonder if I can get my site on there. Better question: do I want to? To follow up all these advertisements, we get some merchandise plugging to some pretty bad death metal music. This whole episode is just giving me one big headache. Make it stop, mommy! God damn, these ads are almost thrice as long as any WWE or TNA ads we get. What the hell is your problem? Show me some damn wrestling!
A segment called "The Ouch Files" comes up next where I guess they just show a huge bump because we see someone who looks like Homicide just pelt a guy from the ring to the outside wall. Yes, outside wall. No cushion, no table, no whatever; the outside wall. At full freakin' speed. God, some people just have death sentences in this business. They reply the footage over and over again in different shades, speeds, and volumes and then we get some random Diva and worker hyping up the show. Good for you, guys.
Monsta Mack is then with the undefeated Outcast Killaz. He pumps up the Boston crowd and he says he is going to be watching them tonight. One of the guys takes the mike and puts themselves over and how they run through people. They talk about how they get no title shots. I then start to recognize these guys as two from the La Familia group earlier and my headache comes back. They complain about how they've been passed over and over this year, but they say that they will see something special from them in 2006 and how they will get the titles and hold onto them until 2007. Interesting, to say the least, as well as their catchphrase which is "Born as outcasts, feared as killers." Why am I watching this shit?
We then see a ref with a mike, which at first strikes me as weird, and he hypes up the next show and how someone will call it down the middle and what-not. I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say he's a special guest ref for a Jay Lethal match as he called him out, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. In fact, the only thing I am sure is that I probably won't watch this show again.
We then get a JAPW flashback match, which again isn't a full match but only part of it. This time, the match is a "Heckler's Dream Match" as it pits Danny Demanto against Bison Bravado. God, I'm so glad they didn't show this one in full. My head just might have imploded by lack of intelligent thought. Basically, the crowd, which was abysmal too, heckled the entire time as the name implies. The two fat guys, which the crowd would remind me of every five minutes, would sit in the middle of the ring in between fighting and eat either egg rolls or a salad. The crowd would get worse. They'd do moves and then more horrible comedy. They'd botch some moves and a piece of my heart would die with the love of good wrestling. In the "end" if you want to call it that, Demanto hit the "Hog" splash, which he botched as well, to get the win. Remember when I called Sylvan-Hardy the worst match I've seen in a while? Well, even though I didn't see the full match here, I'd like to change my vote please. Shit like this makes me ashamed to be a wrestling fan.
We then see the same guy and girl from earlier who turns out to be Danny Demanto and his chick (because I didn't get enough of them before) and they are talking about how they are having a match with Bravado and some other chick in a "Bring Your Own Food" match. I find it funny that these are probably the fans that criticize WWE when I don't think WWE has ever insulted my intelligence this much in thirty minutes.
Mark something, who I assume is the commissioner or something, is with a box full of names next to determine Jay Lethal's opponent at Wild Card. Oh, Wild Card equals having a wild card opponent! I get it, but it's still not funny. Shawn Hanson, the ref from earlier who's actually a ref, is then shown and picks a name out. He reads the name Homicide, but doesn't seem to like that name nor do Rhino and random wrestler number three behind him. He throws the name away and then picks three names before finally picking Rhino's name. So it's apparently Rhino versus Jay Lethal at January 7th with Hanson as the ref who looks none to please. With that, the show ends and what do you know, my headache goes away.
This was seriously the worst wrestling television show I've watched in my life. What did I do to deserve such a horror? They didn't show full matches, the promos were either shitty or accompanied by horrible camera and lighting that made your head hurt, the matches they almost showed in full had guys eating food, et cetera. I could go on for days about this stupid federation. I've heard a lot of good things about JAPW, but after watching this show, I'm pretty sure I don't want to watch anything again. Where is my Eddie Guerrero DVD? I want to watch some good wrestling.
Well, I was looking for some good wrestling in NWA-VA and JAPW to follow up the bad week of WWE television. Did I get it? Hell, no. Hopefully Turning Point will be good. I'm going to go take a nap now and try and forget about this damn show so 'till next time, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch as long as it doesn't involve "Bring Your Own Food" matches.
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