The normal TNA and Impact! videos play and a disturbing thought enters my mind. Have you noticed that the Impact! video totally blows the SmackDown!, Velocity, and Heat opening videos out of the water? Definitely not Raw, but I'm pretty confident on the other three. What's disturbing about that is the money WWE puts into production versus the money TNA does. Wow.
Six Man Tag
America's Most Wanted & Jeff Jarrett Vs. The Naturals & Jeff Hardy
Surprisingly, I liked this opening bout. It started off well with Jarrett jumping Hardy as he did the stupid crawling thing to try and portray a gimmick I think no one cares about. From there, all six brawled which lead to some good stuff like a snap suplex from Stevens to Storm and then some great ledge fighting by Harris and Douglas. Ledge fighting, like apron fighting, is a completely lost art, but at least ledge fighting gets more play than the apron fighting outside of Battle Royals. These two did an excellent job of doing it with the teases over and over again, but the finish was a little anti-climatic of just throwing one guy into another. Not as big as they were leading too. They tried to remedy that with nice double team move by the Naturals onto AMW, but I still don't think they made up for the anti-climatic ledge finish. When they got in the ring, the match quality bogged down a bit here and there, but it didn't last much longer from here so it wasn't really enough to drop it from the good rating I'm going to give it. In the ring, they were a little spotty considering they no-sold the Naturals double-team move and then no-sold the Superplex. They were up in less than thirty seconds for both which really doesn't bode well for the rest of the match. James Storm brought a beer bottle into the ring which I thought was great as there is nothing better than a beer drinking redneck. Why else would WWE be pushing Trevor Murdoch? The finish was also great like the ledge work earlier with the repeated teases that had me thinking that Jarrett and AMW would actually job before a PPV. Shocking, I know. They teased finishing move after finishing move until the Naturals got up Jarrett and were interrupted with a Superkick and the Stroke by Jeff Jarrett for the win. Good opening and great finish, but the middle was a little weak. All in all, I still enjoyed it and it only furthers the notion that TNA knows how to do tag team matches. All they need to do now is sell a bit more and we will be all fine and dandy.
Winners: America's Most Wanted
Star Wrestlers: Chris Harris & Andy Douglas
The ledge work in the opening brawl was by far the best spot or series of spots in the match. The repeated tease over and over again was hot and I love the look of fear in each man's eyes. Yes, the end to the ledge fighting was very, very anti-climatic, but it doesn't take anything away from the work the two did on the ledge, just didn't do much to help the match as it progressed. No one else really struck me as "star wrestler" here as the ring work wasn't that impressive, so I'm going to have to give it to Harris and Douglas for the best ledge work I've seen in a while.
After the match, the heels handcuff Hardy to the guardrail and then they go for the Death Sentence onto Stevens through a table they set up. Douglas got wind of it and fought back, but then AMW came back and hit a Team 3-D to Douglas through the table. That's all good and well, but wasn't the table supposed to be reserved for Team 3-D? I mean, that's what it says. Still a good opening bout and segment though and Jarrett ruled with the green highlights from Hardy's body paint.
We then go to another video package of Rhino pumping up for his rematch for the NWA World title. These are some good promos and are getting me more and more pumped up for Rhino. Rhino talks about how he gave the fans what they wanted: to beat Jarrett. He goes over to curse (with some annoying beeps) and ends by saying that he is the challenger today but will be the champion tomorrow. Good package and really just confirms my recent love of Rhino. The guy has had a fire lit under his ass since being fired from WWE and has really come into a stride of work better than any of his past ECW or WWF/E work. Good for you, Rhino.
Commercial break times one equals a very hot opening segment. Am I sick?
Coming back, Raven is being held back by security as Zybsko and him argue some more about his release and what-not. Raven wants his title shot, but Zybsko says he lost last week and he doesn't reward that. From there, Zybsko tells Raven to wait for what he has at Turning Point (another WWE reject who can't even use his name?). Raven says he doesn't care because he will put them in a casket and is coming for Zybsko after that. He says Zybsko won't get up this time and Zybsko throws a hissy fit over the fact that Raven threatened him. Normally, Zybsko isn't that bad, but god damn I wanted to slap the guy as he bitched about being threaten. "Waa, you can't threaten me! Waa!" What is this, a women's locker room?
Samoa Joe Vs. Amazing Red
This was a pretty drawn-out squash which I actually enjoyed, but mostly because Joe kicked the living shit out of a wrestler I hate: Amazing Red. What is really so amazing about him? That he can no-sell virtually the whole offense you have thrown at him and make you look weak because of it? Seriously, things like that should not be cheered for because it is one of the main reasons why wrestling has gone on a down swing since 2001. I loved Alex Shelly outside the ring with a video camera during the match. A lot of people hate the gimmick, but at least TNA is doing something with him and from the looks of it, I think Joe will eventually want Shelly in the ring because Shelly keeps interrupting his matches with the damn camera! After that interruption, Red made a comeback that started off good with the kicks but then went into complete over-kill mode with a small Huricanrana (which didn't even latch onto Joe's head as the cameras saw) followed by the Standing Shooting Star Press. Now, let me ask you this: if you were beat up for a good five minutes, would you really have the energy to spin around almost four times in under thirty seconds? Doubtful. Anyway, Joe kicked out and went right back to working over Red and teaching him how to sell. He eventually hit the muscle buster followed by the rear naked choke, but as I thought Red was going to pass out (which I would have preferred), he taps out in the weakest way possible. There is a reason you don't have tap outs like that, Mr. Red. How would that sell the pain you're in? Yes, we know you're weak, but if you really want it to end, I doubt you would tap very gently like a dainty slap. Jeez, someone send Red back to school.
Winner: Samoa Joe
Star Wrestler: Samoa Joe
Joe was the only one making this bearable and I really think Joe and Low Ki are the only two people to give Red some good matches, but simply for the beat-downs they give him with some rugged intensity. The day I give Amazing Red "star wrestler" in this series is the day that I will denounce everything I hold holy in this life.
After the match, Samoa Joe goes after Alex Shelly who tried to interrupt his match. That's a death sentence in Samoa from what I hear. I love how Samoa Joe put his attention on Amazing Red and saved Shelly for later. Definitely good stuff and shows why Joe is just that good. They then show the muscle buster as the Morphoplex move of the night (better than the Pounce again), announce the main event which is Bobby Roode against Christian Cage, and then we go to a break.
Commercial break times two equals a wish that Joe had beat Amazing Red up after the match similar to Christopher Daniels!
We see a video hyping up Turning Point which I can already predict will be the "best PPV ever" according to TNA fans. Back in the ring, Mike Tenay is with Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, and AJ Styles and Tenay says that 2005 will be remembered for the debut of Impact! on Spike TV, the "epic" three hour PPVs, and the emergence of the X Division. That's another problem with TNA: they make everything seem so much better than anything they've ever done which is most likely not the case. Even more, they act like any other thing they've done is completely crap. God forbid we forget about 2004 when Impact! actually debuted along with the three hour PPVs and lest we forget 2002 when the X Division actually emerged. Tenay goes onto saw that 2005 will be remembered for the X Division-esque (I feel dirty saying that) White Sox sweeping the World Series for the first time in eighty-odd years. God, Tenay is long-winded in the ring. He then goes on to welcome Bobby Heenan, Dale Torborg, and AJ Pierzysnki. Jebus Eps Cripes, that name is harder to spell than California's governor. I really don't care for this baseball plug, but it's a distinctly smart move on TNA's part to get the national exposure. Also, would you just look at Heenan! He looks so skinny, it's scary. I feel so bad that one of the all-time great managers is under the influence of one of the most horrible diseases known to man. It's completely horrible, but at least Heenan's not going without a fight. He's been fighting and going through treatment for like five years I think and I hope he beats it. They talk up the White Sox and Perz-whatever then talks about TNA having a great year and he presents the three X faces (who are really the X Division perennial babyfaces) with some signed bats and a jersey along with Torborg and Heenan. They make a joke that reporters called the baseball AJ "phenomenal" borrowing it from AJ Styles. Let him have it until AJ Styles does something actually phenomenal. AJ Styles then starts to present something to them, but the music of Simon Diamond hits and the Diamonds in the Rough make their way out. Hmm, the plot thickens!
Diamond says he can't believe that they are taking time out on a wrestling show to present awards to baseball players. You're not alone buddy, but it might get you a bigger paycheck so shut up. Young goes on to bash Pierzysnki for how he got his claim to fame, which I don't really know since I don't follow baseball. Basketball used to be the only sport I watched religiously as I loved the Celtics and were dying to see them regain their former glory. As my love for wrestling grew, that love waned until the Lebron James incident last year. With that and the repeated strikes in other sports, I have completely sworn off sports. I can safely say I haven't watched a game since last year's Super Bowl (good for the commercials) and I have no regret. Anyway, Diamond goes on to blast AJ's batting record which is 1 for 4 saying that he would fire Elix, Young, or even himself if they were like that. He then wants him to take the guy who couldn't succeed in wrestling and himself back to Chicago. Torborg then pushes him and Diamond jokes that AJ needs his designated hitter to do the job for him. Diamond then says he doesn't hit one out of four, but rather home-runs. He takes a shot at Torborg and an all-out brawl ensues as security piles into break it up. Pretty good segment (though I don't like baseball), but Diamond needs to stop screaming into the mike and calm down a bit. He's a good heel, but you don't need to scream 24-7 to get over.
Commercial break times three equals an anticipation for the major sports networks to blast AJ Pierzysnki for going on TNA. I have a feeling that as much as TNA might get more viewers from it, the pop culture image of wrestling might be tarnished more.
4 Live Kru Vs. Sin & Helvis
God damn, Kip James looks as out of place in this hip-hop group as your high school principal at a 50 Cent concert. He doesn't do much to shake that notion as he follows up BG's charismatic mike work with the stupid four word introduction again. Someone give James some coke and tell him to go home. We get another squash here, but not the fun kind simply because it reminded me of how much refs suck today. Seriously, the ref in this match just stood around and waved his hands twice while mayhem broke loose. He didn't try to do anything. Utterly pathetic. I like the look of Sin & Helvis and they remind me a little bit of Raven. Could we be seeing The Flock circa 2006 coming soon? Please? Anyway, James hit his modified Nelson slam onto one of them which Konnan followed up with the Tequila Sunrise submission hold on another for the win. God, that's a good submission move. We are really lacking in innovative submission holds in TNA and WWE. Think about it: Samoa Joe makes people pass out with the rear naked choke in TNA while Chris Masters makes people pass out with a full nelson hold in WWE. Both men sell the move well, but really, those moves aren't that great.
Winners: 4 Live Kru
Star Wrestler: Konnan
Konnan gets this for simply using an innovative submission hold and not being a coked up nightmare. Hell, everyone gets the nod then for not being a coked-up, pony tailed idiot.
After the match, 4 Live Kru celebrates as Bob Armstrong, for some odd reason that may have to do with last week's Impact! which I missed, stands on the entrance way and gives them a thumbs up. Man, Armstrong looks old. I need to fire up my VCR for my compilation tape of the Armstrong family soon. After that, we go backstage with Terry Taylor with Booby Roode and Scott D'Amore. Taylor starts to talk, but Roode pushes him out the ring and simply says it's Canadian business. Shit, I'm going to try that tomorrow! I think I might be able to get ahead in a line at a supermarket with that line. Roode goes on to say that Cage had the choice of a lifetime at Genesis when he had to decide whether to go with or against Team Canada and he made a stupid choice by going against them. He says he didn't just turn his back on him or D'Amore, but rather Canada. He then says that he is going to prove him how a true Canadian rolls! D'Amore then says he finally sees how Christian really is because he offered Christian a chance to rule beside him, but Christian was too egotistical. Is that why he took a massive pay-cut to come to TNA? Anyway, D'Amore goes on to talk about how they came up together and may have called each other brother, but it ended when he dropped him on his head at Genesis. He has a new family in Team Canada, AMW, and Jeff Jarrett. He said he told Christian there was a shift in the balance of power, and tonight, he will feel it. D'Amore then tells Roode to get it done tonight and we steal away to another break. Good segment, but D'Amore needs to back away from the camera a little. Too much fat too close is never a good thing! Also, what's with all the family talk? All I hear in TNA now is family, family, family. Is this a wrestling show or the sentimental family hour?
Commercial break times four equals the thought of family in TNA and what it really means.
We come back to a video package highlighting the feud between Sabu and Abyss and pumping up their barbed wire match at Turning Point. I have a feeling that the match will be a lot bloodier then it needs to be, kind of like all of backyard wrestling. I'll try and be optimistic, but I don't think I've seen a barbed wire match yet that I enjoyed.
Booby Roode Vs. Christian Cage
This was a good match but a completely horrid effort by Cage. Really, the guy did nothing but punch here and there and deliver one move outside of his two trademarks the whole match. He did sell well, but there is definitely a lot more in a match then delivering punches and kicks. Booby Roode was definitely hot in this match as I enjoyed watching him outside of that bland opening especially with his Tornado DDT counter and the front suplex to the ramp. From there, Roode worked over the ribs of Cage pretty well with a bear-hug and nice reversals to Cage's offense and even the Unprettier. He was using some good psychology and sold well (though he over-sold like a 1980s gimmick man in the end) throughout the mid-section. It was sad that neither of the commentators (especially the critically acclaimed Tenay) could pick up on the rib-work. Eventually, Monty Brown made his way down to the ring and made his normal flurry attack that looks like he's having a seizure but still trying to kick. Someone shoot him. The match pretty much ended from there with some more Roode offense which I was digging the whole time. To finish it off, Cage nailed Roode with the hockey stick in the crotch followed by the Unprettier for the win and put a cap on a good match for Impact, but not for Cage's debut at all. Oh, I almost forgot; to prove how high their IQs are, the Impact Zone fans decided to chant USA at a match between two Canadians. One word sums it up: wow.
Winner: Christian Cage
Star Wrestler: Bobby Roode
Roode was just all sorts of righteousness tonight inside the ring with his offense and selling. He was putting emphasis on all the right stuff and even bridging the gaps well with some good moves, but not enough to warrant a huge pop. His working of the ribs was great as well especially the move that started it when he countered the Tornado DDT into a rope wrench. Cage really disappointed me in this match as the guy really only punched and got the crowd to chant USA. Is that supposed to impress me? Psychology and good workrate does, and for that, Roode gets the dip here.
Cage posed on the top turnbuckle after the match but as he came down, Brown was right there to meet him with a clothesline. He started his bland attack and then hit the Pounce on him to stand tall with his completely horrid facial expression. We then see Abyss and Mitchell heading to the Impact Zone from some obscure place and it looks like we are going to get one more segment to end the show with.
Commercial break times five equals a bounty on the head of Monty Brown. One million dollars for the man who can get him to act like he's not a reject from gay pornography for five seconds.
As we come back, Mitchell is insulting Sabu with some pretty big words that are horribly wasted on the Impact Zone if they are going to chant USA at a heel-face Canadian. He puts over Sabu's luck to find Abyss' weakness in the barbed wire, but says he told Abyss to face his fear which is why we have the match at Turning Point. He then says that Sabu knows better than anyone about the match and how Abyss will use the barbed wire to rip the flesh from his body. James then says he will take Sabu's mangled body home after the match and feed it to his dogs. The lights then go out and when they come back on, Sabu is in the middle of the ring that has been magically replaced to have barbed wire surround it. Good editing on TNA's part here. As they stand off and Abyss freaks out, we go to a video highlighting the Turning Point card for Turning Point as Impact! goes off the air.
Pretty good Impact! this week and better than I've seen in a while. It had some nice building segments (more talking like I asked for) as well as some good, uninterrupted action besides the squashes. Hell, even seeing Amazing Red's "offense" didn't bother me that much because I got to see the guy get the living snot kicked out of him. TNA is hitting a nice stride with these television shows lately. They are using their time way better as well as dedicating some time for squashes to get over the talent and promos/segments to get over the feuds. The only big criticism I have for the show is that there was absolutely no sign of Team 3-D and only three days away from PPV, that's really not a good thing. A 3-D/AMW beat down could have just been the thing to get some people to switch over, especially with the added coverage you'd be getting. Regular WWE marks could be tuning into see the baseball star and see their former favorite WWE tag team and be hooked for the PPV. But when that's my only criticism for the show, I'd have to say that TNA did a pretty good job this week.
Right about now, I'm going to go check my temperature because I seem to be sick if I've given TNA such a good review, It could be the migraine I have, but the more I think about it, the more I enjoyed the show! Anyway, I'll be back soon with the WWE Heat review from 12/9 so don't go nowhere! 'Till next time, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch.
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