Note: I didn't forget to review Velocity, but it was such a small show I didn't feel the need to post it around everywhere. If you want to read it, click here, but I have to warn you, it's the shortest review I've ever done. As far as Impact from two Saturdays ago goes, I downloaded it, but the file turned out not to work. I then scrambled to try and download another version but couldn't find one. Sucks too because I was actually looking forward to the fatal four-way match. Sorry, guys.
Double note: I actually had this review ready to go before this week's Raw, but my site had server probelms and it totally messed up my plans. Again, I apologize.
The WWE and Raw videos play respectively. I find it just a little strange that Raw has had the same theme song for 3 years while SmackDown! has gone through about three or four in the same time. I'm not complaining because it's a good song, but still. Joey Styles opens the show up by talking about Ric Flair's recent run-ins with the law over his road rage (which was parodied into a nice cartoon over at The Wrestling Voice which you can see by clicking here). Definitely an odd-ball story of the year and I wonder how it will turn out. From there, it's announced that the Cutting Edge will debut tonight with Ric Flair as the guest. Oh, I smell a good segment coming up if they are going to shoot (by which I mean script shoot) like the rumors said. We also see that it will be Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin against Kurt Angle and Carlito. But first, it's time for a little McMahon air time as he strolls out in a garbage truck of all things!
Vince gets in the ring which is set up debate style with a chair in the middle where I assume Vince will sit. Vince goes on to say that he told Bischoff if he didn't meet his goal, it would be time to take out the trash. Fortunately, Bischoff failed his task so what we have a trash truck with the only thing missing being the trash! He then welcomes out the "current" general manager, Eric Bischoff, who comes out very timidly next to the garbage truck. God, I hate to be in the arena smelling that thing all night. Bischoff gets in the ring and grabs a mike much to Vince's chagrin. Bischoff goes onto talk about how it's more than a job to him and it's not about what about he does, but who he is! He then pleads with Bischoff to please let him keep his job. Who saw that one coming? Vince then stops him before he makes a fool of himself and asks him why he has this set-up in the ring. He says it's because he's a fair man (another thing I'll have to touch down upon at another time) and he thinks that everyone should have their day in court and tonight will be the trial of Eric Bischoff! Vince will be the judge and he's already taken care of appointing the prosecutor and defending counsel. He says now is a good time to hear the opening arguments and it's time to hear from Bischoff's counsel who is Coach! Oh, god; just seal Bischoff's fate now. Even Bischoff has the look of complete disappointment. Poor Coach. Coach gets on the mike and says that he's got this so don't worry. Got what exactly? The ability to bog down a show by talking? Anyway, Coach addresses Vince and tells him that Bischoff is an asshole. Whoa, what the hell kind of trial is this? He then goes on to say that Bischoff is not his friend nor does he get paid to do that. He gets paid to make the most exciting wrestling show which he has done for four years. Two corrections: one, it's only been little over three, Johnny. Two, I highly doubt you can call 2003 an exciting year for Raw. Coach then says by the end of the night, he will prove that not only does Bischoff deserves to keep his job, but also deserves a raise! In closing, Coach says that Bischoff is the single greatest general manager in WWE history. Really? Even more so than Eugene? But he had a playpen as an office! A playpen!
McMahon then calls out the prosecution which turns out to be Mrs. Foley's baby boy, Mick Foley! Don't think he came out alone too; he's carrying his Batman lunchbox to match Coach's briefcase! I think Foley's carrying case wins. Foley makes his opening case by saying that no one has done more to benefit Raw than Bischoff. He brings up the WCW incident where WCW announced Foley would win the title and half a million fans switched over to Raw causing a reversal in the war that WWE would never relinquish. He will prove that as a general manager, Bischoff was conniving, manipulative, and deceitful and he has failed to entertain the general public especially here in Charleston! Is it really a Foley promo (or opening case) without a cheap pop? McMahon then says that this trial will continue in the WWE trial of law and by the end of the night, we will decide the fate of Bischoff. Say what you want about WWE, but this is good stuff right here. Foley coming out with a Batman lunchbox? McMahon as a judge? This is good stuff.
Commercial break times one equals a nice foreshadow of how the night's going to go.
WWE World Tag Team Championship
Fatal Four-Way
Giants Of Wrestling (c) Vs. Ladies' Men Vs. The Juice Kings Vs. The Heart Throbs
This was basically a squash match killing all the other teams and putting over the giants some more. It was a little fun though with moments like Big Show palming and picking up one of the Heart Throbs and Kane and Big Show ganging up on Viscera. It also had some botched moments, but considering some of the people in the match, are you surprised? The ending was pretty cool too; Kane grabbed a Heart Throb, Big Show grabbed Venis, and then Tomko ran out at them with a big boot. Big Show swatted the big boot away and then Kane gave him a big boot of his own. They then picked up the mess that was Tomko and delivered three simultaneous chokeslams. Pretty cool stuff if you ignore the botched moves which you should expect by now from the Juice Kings and Viscera.
Winners: Giants Of Wrestling
Star Wrestling: Big Show
This was just a squash so it really boils down to Big Show and Kane, but in the end, I'm digging the new sadistic and pissed off Big Show than I am Kane/ Plus, Big Show swatted a big boot attempt. Swatted! When have you ever seen that before?
We then go to a vignette of the WWE court of law with McMahon in the judge's slot, Foley at the prosecuting table (lunchbox and all), and Coach with Bischoff on the other side. Chris Masters will be playing your bailiff tonight which is great because he's not wearing a shirt, a comedy riff at McMahon loving the good bodies I guess. McMahon starts the trial off with the introductions and tells Foley to get his boot off "the court's table" and begin. "Sorry, Vince" "That's your honor." Foley then points at Vince saying, "your honor." How much you want to bet McMahon wants to be called your honor all the time backstage now? Foley then calls his first witness: Stephanie McMahon, who comes out to her music naturally. Foley asks Stephanie is she was a general manger, to which she responds yes. Foley then asks her about Bischoff's conduct as a GM and she goes on a spiel, of course. First, she says both she and Shane want Bischoff removed. Then, she says actions speak louder than words and Foley introduces exhibit A which is the footage from 2002 of Bischoff grabbing a kiss on the Halloween SmackDown! episode. She goes on to talk about the vile taste she still has in her mouth (when it looked like she enjoyed it) and some comedy ensues. Coach objects to which McMahon edges in the "Shut up!" comment much to my pleasure like last week. He then excuses himself and says overruled to which Stephanie thanks her daddy. Vince looks a little distraught and Stephanie corrects herself and calls him "your honor." I wonder how long Vince will ride on the coattails of that one. With that, Bischoff looks like a sad panda and we go to a commercial break.
Commercial break times two equals a fun little squash and good trial segment.
Coming back from break, they show a video of the past two trips to Iraq and pump up this year's trip in two weeks. Say what you want about the McMahons, but that is a damn fine match. They then show Art Meyers in the crowd who is the guy responsible for these trips. It's a great thing, guys, whether you like WWE or not. Mickie James and Victoria then come out and my heart goes into near seizure as we are getting a match between just the two of them!
Mickie James Vs. Victoria
This was a complete let-down from what I thought; but since it's WWE, I shouldn't be surprised, should I? This was still better than your tags and six man tags the Divas are giving us as well as any Trish-Victoria match since October, but it was still hovering closely to the average side of things while shifting slowly back to bad. It was just kind of sluggish here and there with no real spots except for interference. When you need interference to make a match matter, there is obviously a problem in the backstage creative meetings. Look at the TNA main events, for example. I'd like to forget about this match with the shitty kicks and punches and horrible interference so to wrap it up, Victoria won the match with a quick roll-up and yanking on the tights after some crappy interference.
Winner: Mickie James
Star Wrestler: Victoria
Mickie James was a bit sluggish in the match which really surprised me, but like all this year, Victoria was the glue in the match holding it all together. With each week, I think my heart goes out to Victoria more and more because she's got to know that even if she's released from WWE or she quits, there's really nowhere else to go in America. TNA with their "women's division" of two females (one of which was in the worst match of this decade). ROH with their...um...yeah. The only place I could think of would be IWA Mid-South, but they are going through so many questions, it would be the question, "Why?"
We then go back to the trial of Bischoff and Tajiri is on the stand talking in sweet sounding Japanese. That's such a fun language, but only if you don't understand it. Just like Ethiopian. The translator says that Tajiri has been a big star in Japan and ECW, but Eric ignores us. That's Vince, Tajiri. Sorry to burst your bubble. He goes on some more and after some prodding, the translator finally says "I wish a pregnant rhinoceros would shove it's mighty horn up Eric's anal crevice." What the hell? Where did that come from? More importantly, why has it taken WWE four years to finally give Tajiri a translator? Tajiri then speaks in English (after his translator tries to translate his English) and says he hopes Bischoff gets "feyred." You rule, Tajiri. I'm going to miss you, buddy! Bischoff then whispers something into Coach's ear and Coach says they have no questions, but a request for Tajiri to hurry back to the arena because he has a match with Triple H tonight! Tajiri then flips out and tries to attack Bischoff, but bailiff Masters grabs him and takes him out. Aww, it would have been so much better if Masters put him in the Masterlock and dragged him out. Oh, well. Coach then says that Bischoff made the match out of the spirit of competition, not spite. McMahon fakes an agreement and Foley calls his next witness: Mae Young! She comes out with Moolah, of course. When have you ever seen Young and not Moolah in the past six years? As they make their way in, Bischoff looks like he's getting a monster headache and we go to another break.
Commercial break times three equals a pretty bland women's match followed by the question all of American wants to know: why hasn't WWE given Tajiri a translator before?
As we come back, Mae is finishing up a spiel which she summarizes as "that's why Eric has no penis." Hmm, glad I missed that conversation. Coach then objects saying there is no way she could know, but Vince says it's hearsay and speculation. Foley then says it's going somewhere and introduces exhibit B to show Bischoff's strange relationship with the WWE superstars which is the footage from the Redneck Triathlon from Bad Blood 2003. Coach, of course, objects for the third time today and says that Young is clearly old, senile, over-sexed, and has the hots for his client. Oh, I forgot to mention Mae Young's making sexual gestures all the while. Oh, wait; I didn't forget. I just gladly omitted it. Oh, well; now you can share in my pain. Vince then agrees with Coach and the old ladies walk off. Coach then calls Masters to the stand citing that Bischoff helped him ascend to main event status. Masters is then asked to repeat his name which he says is Chris Masters. Vince then disqualifies Masters for perjury since he knows that Master's real name is not that (he says the real name, but I forget and can't spell) so Masters begrudgingly steps down and it looks like nothing is going Bischoff's way tonight. Considering the past three trial segments, this one was a little bland, but you can't expect them to hit a home run each time. Embarrassing Masters was good too and I bet smarks all over the world marked out for it.
We see Shelton Benjamin getting prepared for tonight and Shawn Michaels shows up and asks him if he's ready to which Shelton answers yes naturally. Shawn goes on to list Shelton's accomplishments in amateur wrestling and track with Shelton grinning the whole time. Michaels then says with that aside, his career in the WWE has been a big, fat zero. Can you blame him though? It's really just because of those damn video games! Shelton's grin fades and says that the night Shelton faced Michaels, he was never better and took him to the limit; but since then, his career has gone downhill fast. Michaels says he has no amateur background to speak about, but in this line of work he knows what he's talking about. As an avid supporter of the Heartbreak Kid, I'm going to have to agree here. Shawn then says he may not be popular, but is successful and he asks Shelton which he would rather have: friends or success. Shawn then says he has an attitude problem and asks what about Shelton's attitude? Shelton then responds by saying, "You want an attitude problem, you'll get one." Shelton then exits stage right and Shawn looks pleased with himself. If this leads to an actual storyline for Shelton tonight, then this segment was good, but if it doesn't, like I suspect, then who cares?
The announcers then hype up the tag team match later on as well as the debut of the Cutting Edge later on as well and we go to another break. Damn it, what happened to one match and one segment per TV stretch. You were doing so well, WWE!
Commercial break times four equals a clear-cut channel hopping time.
Back in the court, Coach is on the phone and said he just got off the phone with someone who will testify later and say that Bischoff deserves his job. Who? Mrs. Eric Bischoff?
Lance Cade Vs. Chavo Guerrero
This match was pretty average and I have to put the blame again onto Lance Cade. What the hell is up with Cade lately? He's sucking and trying to get over all the wrong ways. It's almost like the guy can't work except in tag team matches. The crowd really made this match though simply because of Chavo Guerrero and how much they were behind him. There was a lot to be behind though because Chavo was using some quick flurry offense, nice reversals, good selling, and hot finish, of course. Eddie aside, Chavo is a talented worker and even if it did take Eddie's death to get people to wise up, should we really be complaining. It's obvious that the fans were going to cheer for Chavo more after what happened, so is it really WWE's fault for pushing the guy? In the end, Chavo hit a very weak looking frog splash to pick up the win. I'll give Chavo a month before I start harping in on the bad looking move because even Eddie was a little weak with it at first.
Winner: Chavo Guerrero
Star Wrestler: Chavo Guerrero
Chavo's a total package guy who's really never gotten a chance to shine in WWE before except in late 2002 and maybe a little bit in 2004 when he was in the program with Rey Mysterio. He can sell his ass off, mount a comeback better than half the locker room, and back it all up on the mike and with the facial expressions. It's the Guerrero blood. Instead of flowing through his veins, the Guerrero blood cells must be practicing dropkicks and headlocks. Cade was completely abysmal in this match nevertheless and if it weren't for Chavo, I just might have fallen asleep given that I have a nice, little migraine. Poor Cade though. He can be so damn good at times, but now he's besmirching the good name of the Shawn Michaels's wrestling school!
We then go back to the trial for another segment. This is what I like: one match and then one witness. You get the best of both worlds. Of course, that's not how it's going to play out in WWE so I need to stop dreaming. This time, the witness is Daivari who is asked by Coach about Bischoff hiring him when no one else wanted him. Daivari starts to scream in Farsi, but Coach asks for English. Daivari goes on to say that Bischoff gave him a job when no one else would (déjà vu!) and he's held his job with class and dignity. He then attacks Foley saying the show was pathetic when he was commissioner. It's in his humble, honest to Allah opinion that Bischoff should remain the GM. Coach then tries to grab Vince's attention to which he apologizes that he didn't hear a word he just said because he was listening to Ashley Simpson on his new iPod (wonder how much Apple paid for the plug). "Christ, she sucks!" Good man, Vince. At least you recognize bad music even if you can't see bad wrestling. Coach then offers for Daivari to repeat what he said, but Vince doesn't want to hear it and says he will not be the ref tonight for Angle. Thank you, Vince! Vince calls a recess and Foley freaks out saying recess rules! Well, it does. Boy do I miss dodge ball. Not the big ass kind, but German style. Anyone play it that way? He pulls out a moon pie and a RC cola and acts like a kid in a candy shop. He offers one to Bischoff of course and we go to break with the image of Foley drinking good ol' cheap RC cola as well as the announcers plugging the Cutting Edge some more.
Commercial beak times five equals I wish I had some RC cola!
The Cutting Edge is finally here as we come back and Edge says it's different because they will ask the questions no one else will like how many wrestlers Lita has actually banged I hope. He says what they say will catch them flack with the boys backstage, but they don't care because he is the Rated R superstar, Edge, along with the only woman hot enough to be on the show, Lita. As the crowd chants "slut," Edge does his normal retort saying she's his or some garbage like that. Edge is pretty good on the mike, but he really needs to come up with a new quip to go against the slut chants. Edge then stares at her boobs and Lita asks if he was, but she doesn't mind, of course. But she does know why she is called the Rated R superstar. Apparently, everyone else is PG-13 because they are too afraid to come on the show. Lita says it must be because he destroyed Dmitri Young at Survivor Series. How'd you manage that one, Edge? Last I remember, you got verbally beat by the corn-rowed baseball player. Anyway, Edge says that last week, the show got cancelled and this week, Flair backed out due to his legal troubles. Aww, I wanted to hear Flair call the legal system a bunch of pussies!
Lita yaps on the mike and Edge says it's Flair country to which the crowd pops uncontrollably. Lita then calls it Edge country, which the crowd boos, and Edge likes it naturally. I don't even think Edge country exists anywhere. You haven't been cheered for since about 2003 Edge, so how would we know? Edge goes on to talk about Flair's legal troubles with the road rage. He then says Flair is making more news outside of the ring than inside the ring. As opposed to you with your countless world titles, Adam? Edge then says Flair has gone from this (picture of Flair in his prime) to this (Flair's mug-shot). For those of you who have seen the mug-shot, isn't the scar tissue on Flair's head brutal? I mean, I know stars like Rhodes have tons of scar tissue on the forehead and it's visible, but I don't think I ever noticed it so much on Flair. WWE make-up must do wonders. Edge goes on to mock Flair calling him the hand-cuff wearing, mug-shot taking, et cetera and he follows it up with the Flair strut which was actually the best mockery of a strut I've ever seen. Is Edge an epileptic? Edge and Lita start to go off about Flair's personal life and how the people here idolize Flair, but Sgt. Slaughter and Michael Hayes make their way out telling Edge to wrap it up. This should be fun.
Edge banters with them saying he's not done or whatever and then he introduces the Freebird and former Iraqi sympathizer. They keep telling him to wrap it up until Lita says
"aka two legends who earn a paycheck by kissing Vince's ass." Well, she's got them there. They start to get pissed and enter the ring, beer gut and all. They keep telling him it's time to go and Edge figures out why Hayes is out here: someone told him they have a bottle of Jack and eight ball! Ouch, that's below the belt. Hayes then snatches the mike away and tells him the boss said it's time to go. Edge freaks out kind of like Orton did on Friday night before Hayes asks what it is with kids today. Good question! He doesn't get it at all. They come out running their mouths, they don't care about anyone but themselves, and they don't have respect about the business that he, Sgt. Slaughter, and people like Ric Flair built so people like Edge can have what they have today. He has a mighty fine point there! They run around in their rental cars with their guaranteed contracts and guaranteed days off (how many days off a year is that really though?). Flair may not be his best friend but he respects him for giving his life for this business. He respects that he has bled for the business. He's going to give him the benefit of the doubt since he's the 16 time world champion. I think we should all do that, I mean, do you honestly know how many times someone has made a false allegation about a wrestler or celebrity? Hayes then has some questions for Edge: how many times has he been in the main event? How many times has he sold out the arena and turned them away? Finally, how many times has Edge been world champion? Zero! Harsh, but it really does need to be said. However, if you think about it, if Edge hadn't been injured in 2003, I bet he'd be a two-time champ by now at the least especially considering the talent drought in 2003 and 2004 for main events. Still though, Hayes rules and it feels like the 80s all over again!
Edge flips out and tells them to cut Hayes' mike because this is his show. Hayes then pushes him and tells him it's time to go. Edge asks what he's going to do, Freebird, beat him up? He doesn't have his normal back-up like Terry Gordy. Edge then asks where Gordy is and Edge says he's dead. Wow, this must be open season on exploiting deaths in WWE! Hayes then says the only reason Edge has the show is because he's banging Hardy's ex-girlfriend. Touché, Freebird. Edge then lays out Hayes and low-blows Slaughter, but Hayes makes a comeback with some haymakers (which he should teach to the rookies). Lita then jumps onto Hayes to blind him and Edge nails Hayes square in the face with the briefcase and the segment ends. Good debut and good way to keep Edge's character in the limelight while he's injured. If they did this in 2003/4, I bet Edge would have been champ by now.
Commercial break times six equals a fun debut for an interview segment and ten times better than the Peep Show and Carlito's Cabana. Nothing beats the Highlight Reel though.
The WWE Rewind shows the interaction between Big Show and Triple H. Big Show is just all kinds of fun to watch nowadays. Pissed off giants sell, people. Learn it!
Tajiri Vs. Triple H
Another fun little squash here. The squashes in WWE on Raw have picked up a lot lately as well as on Heat. Velocity has some too, but of course, the SmackDown! ones are pretty horrible like Boogeyman's debut. Tajiri made some good comebacks in the match with some quick chops and way more kicks and punches than we have seen from Tajiri in some time on Raw. It's nice to see WWE give Tajiri a good send-off in these last two weeks instead of not using him at all (I'm assuming they are going to use him in Boston). I loved Triple H mocking Tajiri and countering the back elbow and Tarantula as well. He didn't really make Tajiri look weak either, rather made himself looked that much better. In the end, Hunter hit the Spinebuster followed by the Pedigree for the win.
Winner: Triple H
Star Wrestler: Tajiri
Triple H was good in the match, but the match depressed me a little bit because I realized I won't be seeing green mist or some quick kicks on a weekly basis anymore. I'll miss you, Tajiri. May pregnant rhinoceroses impale all who oppose you!
We then go back to the court and Coach calls Simon Dean out who comes out to his own infomercial music. No one comes out and they kind of freak out until Boogeyman rises out of the witness stand with some worms climbing in and out of his nose. Boogeyman does his normal rhyming this time talking about Bischoff getting replaced. McMahon tries to excuse him, but he keeps on until banging the clock on his head. He then recedes back down through the podium as McMahon, Cole, and Bischoff look on in fear. Foley looks on too, but is still busy finishing off that moon pie.
Commercial break times seven equals a Tajiri moment I will miss and the question I still want to know: where is my moon pie?
They then show Rita Cosby in the WWE audience. What the hell? She looks so out of place even if she is covering the WWE's tour. For a cheap plug, I'd like to say I've had my name appear on her show. Now someone please deflate my ego for me.
Triple H is shown backstage next and he scares a crew hand after an innocent shove. He looks proud of himself until Big Show shows up and gives him the same run-down as last week topped off with asking how tough Triple H will feel when he's on the other side of the ring against Big Show. They stare off and it ends. Hmm, I think a Big Show-Triple H feud could actually do well. Big Show sucked in 2000 when they last fought and I'd hardly call that a feud, but some good matches between the two now could make for some good WWE programming.
Back in the court, Foley has one more witness and he welcomes out the adorable Maria. Honestly, who hates Maira? Foley starts to ask her a question, but Maria asks him to ask her with Mr. Socko. Aww, you're so adorable, Maria. In a high-pitched voice as Socko, Foley asks her what she thinks of Bischoff. Maria gets all serious and says that last week, Bischoff used his power in a way that was malicious and capricious. It is this rash discourse that has lead to a locker room of disdain and mutiny and should be ground for his immediate dismissal. Wow! Who knew she could even pronounce those words? As Maria leaves, Coach, Foley, and Vince all steal a look which doesn't please Bischoff one bit. Coach moves for one more witness, but Vince says he's heard enough and they will adjourn to the arena for the closing arguments where Coach's better be good. God, I wish Maria would work in big words into her interviews for now on. Maria for wrestling personality of the year!
The SmackDown! rebound is then show and it's highlighting the recent Orton-Taker saga including the low-rider incident. Damn, I almost went a couple of days without seeing that footage. Styles and King then hype up the tag match coming up.
Commercial break times eight hopes that they will finally stop censoring the bleeps.
Kurt Angle & Carlito Vs. Shelton Benjamin & Shawn Michaels
My hopes weren't answered by the way. This match was fun and mostly because Benjamin was red-hot. He was incorporating his agility into the match well and also slowing down in the parts that needed it. He responded well to the crowd and played amazingly off Carlito and Angle, even better than he did with his singles matches against the former Cabana host. As it was getting hot though, commercial break times nine equals some better Benjamin offense then I've seen since the Eddie tribute show. Sucks, I know. If there is one thing I hate about any wrestling TV show, it's the breaks during the matches. I like my matches uninterrupted. I like to take in everything, every wristlock to high spot. Even if you're cutting out the bad part of the match, it's still something worth seeing because it's part of the match. How can you accurately call a match good if you missed five minutes of the middle from it? Maybe that's why I don't like Regal-Benoit from Velocity in July as much as others. I love the match, but definitely thought the other two matches they had this year were better. It's probably because of the break. I just hate getting into a match and then having it end and almost re-start.
As we came back, Shelton did some more good offense and Angle followed that up with some nice offense. Of course, Shelton played the face-in-peril here and of course, there was a peril spot. That's the problem with WWE tag matches. They base their whole formula around that spot whether it is a five minute match or a thirty. They need to realize that smaller matches need to just be back and forth and in longer matches; you need to build towards the peril spot instead of doing it within the first three minutes. Anyway, Carlito and Angle were both pretty well on the offensive against Shelton, but eventually, Shelton countered the Angle Slam into a nice DDT and made the hot tag to Michaels. Michaels did his normal trademark comeback. It's good, but definitely not something that is going to warrant a star wrestler nod. In the end, Benjamin made the blind tag as Michaels was tuning up the band. He went for a top-rope lariat and missed letting Carlito get the quick-roll up to end the match which was still good.
Winners: Kurt Angle & Carlito
Star Wrestler: Shelton Benjamin
Shelton Benjamin was definitely on fire tonight, even if he was booked to be that way. He was pumped, knowledgeable, adaptable, and a lot of other words my tiny brain can't fathom nor spell. Unlike last week, he used his agility and high risk moves better and placed them at just the right moment. I really hope that Shelton will follow this match up with some other good ones as well as WWE following it up with a push.
Shawn Michaels looks visibly upset, but gets over it and offers Shelton his hand for help up. Shelton ignored and went to leave, but Michaels still had some words for him. Shelton then pushed him away and looked visibly upset before leaving to an arena full of boos. Hmm, a Shelton Benjamin heel turn. Could be good especially if it leads to a Michaels-Benjamin program. That would do wonders for the guy.
A limo is then shown pulling up and Judge McMahon and Stephanie come out talking about the trial. Vince then runs into Triple H and they chat it up and Triple H says that he should hear from his number one guy that Bischoff should stay because he'd rather deal with the devil he knows, then the devil he doesn't. McMahon then says the only reason he wants him to stay is because he can manipulate him, to which Hunter agrees! Good revealing comedy right there, but subtle like stuff from "Intolerable Cruelty." Vince then introduces Triple H to Stephanie and they have a very awkward moment. What the hell is that? Are they trying to play it off like they don't know who the other is? So are we just omitting the end of 1999 to early 2002? 3 years to wipe out is a very big task, McMahon.
Commercial break times ten equals a very weird segment that I guess passes as comedy to Vince.
Back from break, it's time for the closing arguments to end out Raw! Foley says it will be short and sweet. From HLA to Daivari, Bischoff has abused his power for too long and it's time to take out the trash. Meh, not normal Foley mike work but I love how he tried to rhyme Bischoff's name. Coach then goes for his closing argument, but Bischoff takes the mike and wants to defend himself. He thinks, unlike McMahon, that he has done some good on Raw, but he's also done some horrible things even to the McMahon family. But Vince told him that controversy creates cash and since he's been here, he has created a ton of both. It's true that he doesn't care about the people but rather their money. He's proven time and time again that he knows how to separate the people from their cash. Proof: elimination chamber! It spiked buy rates and sold out arenas all across the nation. He then says let's have one headline the next Raw PPV for the WWE title. Hmm, who didn't see that one coming? Despite the participants who will be in it, I think the match will end up pretty good. Bischoff then says that he and McMahon are a lot alike; maybe they are both hated, but they are both respected. Well, after the Eddie Guerrero shit last week, I don't know if you can still say that. Bischoff then says they get things done and asks McMahon to please let him keep his job and they will make a fortune. I find it funny that Bischoff is talking about money when if anything, WWE's profit margin has gone down since Bischoff took over. It's not Bischoff's fault rather the split brand and bad product, but still, it's a little funny! I also find it funny that the Elimination Chamber "sold out" arenas all across the nation when the second one had the upper area covered up and the third one was in Puerto Rico. Great logic. McMahon then says he made some good points and he will have to take it under consideration, but before he can, John Cena's music hits and the simultaneously hated and loved champ comes out with a mike. Side-note: McMahon was trying to boogie to the music in his chair. If that didn't look idiotic, I don't know what does.
Cena says he's not here to tell Vince what he thinks about Bischoff because he thinks he's a jack-off. He's out here because Bischoff claims to be a great man, but this great man has taken away the best part of Raw like bleeping out the "you suck" chants. Cena goes on to say how they claim to be alike, but Vince does what he wants no matter what even if he looks ridiculous (like now) and Cena loves it. Wow, I think Cena's nose just turned a shade of brown and not for blackness. Bischoff, on the other hand, is the pioneer of censorship. He then calls for ten thousand surprise witnesses which would be the crowd though I doubt it's even near that number. He asks the crowd if Bischoff should remain the GM to which the crowd says no and boos. He then asks if they want to see him fired to which they pop and say yes. He says they have summed up Bischoff's career in two letters: FU! Lackluster mike work by Cena tonight. What'supwithdat? McMahon then agrees to take it to the people and asks them if they want to see the WWE title defended in the Elimination Chamber which got a pop, but not as strong as you would think. Actually, if you call that a pop, than the jobbers each week are more over than John Cena! McMahon then says the main event is set and everyone will see it, except for Bischoff. Took you long enough to get to the punch-line. "Eric Bischoff, you're feyred!" McMahon then tells Cena to take out the trash to which he hits the FU and kicks him out of the ring. The dump truck backs up and McMahon puts Bischoff right into there and they close it as McMahon drives the truck out of there to end Raw this week.
This was a little weird Raw this week and not because of the trial. It's no secret that the show was more oriented towards entertainment this week. In fact, that's all it was with about two squashes, two average matches, and one good tag. But the problem is that the entertainment part this week was actually quite good besides a few moments here and there. So the question really boils down to whether you prefer entertainment or wrestling? If it's the former, you'll like this episode. If it's the latter, you'll hate it. Me? I'm split. I liked the segments, but I did wish there were a bit more matches. Of course the trial was well done (except for the Mae Young part) as well as the Cutting Edge if not for Hayes alone, but I still wish there were a couple more matches or more time given to those matches. Still though, I'm not one that needs a complete hour worth of matches every single week, but also not one who needs long segments every single week. A nice blend is all I require. This is an episode I'm purely split on, but I'm sure more people are outraged at the whole episode centering around just entertainment. If you're not or you are, shoot me an e-mail and we'll talk it over.
Well, I've checked my downloads and I know for sure that the Impact Primetime special, Heat, SmackDown!, Velocity, NWA-VA Action Zone, and JAPW World-Wide all work so I will definitely have those all up soon. I'm currently downloading Turning Point, but might just go ahead and buy the damn thing and save myself some time. No matter what, I should be completely caught up by Friday night Heat or at least up to Raw from tonight. Well, that's going to be all; shoot me an e-mail or IM if you want to talk about this episode or something else and thanks for those who did contact me. 'Till next time avid readers, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch!
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