The normal WWE video plays as well as recap of the Big Show-Mysterio/low rider incident match from the special show on Tuesday. Thank you for letting me relive such an "awesome" memory, WWE. Not like I'll ever forget it, but I'd rather not see the memory of Eddie Guerrero tarnished each and every day. They then show a shot of the SD set, no fireworks, with the set still damaged from Tuesday's show as the section is taped off. God, I guess WWE is just not going to let us forget it.
Randy Orton's music hits and he comes out with his dad looking proud about what he did. Good for you. I'll desecrate you're dad's legacy when he dies then and see how much you congratulate me. Orton gets on the mike and says he didn't come here to brag about what he did because he's not an arrogant man and doesn't need too. What he did speaks for itself. You goddamn right, Randy; true Eddie fans will agree. Orton then says that for those waiting for Taker to rise from the ashes, it's not going to happen because he killed him. Sure, you did, boy-o. Just like you did at No Mercy, right? Orton then goes on to call himself the only true phenom in the WWE now. Let's see you headline PPVs for a decade before we call you that, Randy. Orton then goes onto say how he deserves the World title because of this. The crowd boos and he asks if they disagree and of course, they scream yes. Orton then starts to fumble through his words and insults to the crowd, only furthering the bad rep he has for getting too excited and fumbling words (like when he was general manager for a night in 2004). He says they are looking at the youngest World Champ ever, the guy who destroyed Taker, and the sole survivor of the past 3 Survivor Series matches. If he just calmed down and collected his thoughts, it would have come across so much better and he wouldn't have made himself out to be a jackass like Cena does when he tries to do mat-work. Orton then says their opinions mean nothing to him. Is that why you freaked out when they disagreed? He then calls out Batista for a title shot at Armageddon, to which he demands. They pan the camera around and show Bob Orton. Why is he still in WWE? It's almost like Chavo Guerrero Senior staying around too long in 2004, but at least he didn't become the laughing joke like Orton is here. Well, maybe he did, but not as bad. Orton then says it's not arrogance, but destiny. Wasn't it destiny for you to win the title last year? Didn't that end up in a "great" title reign and "amazing" series of matches that followed? Honestly, Randy, do you even think when you speak?
Because we might have forgotten it within nine minutes, WWE again shows the low-rider explosion from Tuesday night. Thanks again! They then pump up three matches later on tonight: Rey Mysterio & JBL versus The Giants Of Wrestling, Boogeyman's in-ring debut, and a tag team battle royal which is up next!
Commercial break times one equals a pretty weak promo with the thought that WWE will never let us forget what they did.
Coming break, Cole makes a joke about the WWE splash page saying the Deadman rises only to fall two nights later. Funny, I don't think it's that hilarious. MNM then make their way to scout the opposition I guess. Man, the way they wear their belts is definitely the best way to do it and exude arrogance. Melina then does her patented entrance on the announcer's table to which I think Cole shits his pants over.
Number One Contendership For WWE Tag Team Championship
Tag Team Battle Royal
Legion Of Doom, Funaki & Scotty 2 Hotty, The Dicks, Shooting Stars, Full Blooded Italians, & Mexicools
This was a fun battle royal and the first tag-team battle royal like this I've ever seen. Actually, I've probably seen another like this but the memory just escapes me. Not many things are innovative in wrestling today and if they are, they are promoted to the Nth degree so I'm fairly sure this has been done before. Anyway, the rules were that if one member of the team was eliminated, the whole team was eliminated. Made for some good TV and I think it could lead to a good split for Animal and Heidenreich. What basically happened was that while Heidenreich mouthed off at MNM, all other ten wrestlers ganged up on Animal trying to kick him out. Heidenreich caught on and then helped him out. Animal went on to dominate some wrestles like with a nice triple splash onto The Dicks and Brian Kendrick. From there, he Irish whipped Kendrick into a mess of people which in turn knocked out Heidenreich. If that's not fodder for a break-up feud, I don't know what is. Even more, it would just the thing to solidify Heidenreich (who is really not that bad) as a singles star and give a good exit for Animal.
Anyway, from there some more teams were thrown out and there was a pretty big lights f***-up which I have a feeling was not accidental. They then went to a commercial break (commercial break times two equals a nice, fun start to the battle royal) and as we came back, the battle royal started to pick up with some more London goodness. I swear London is the absolute king of Battle Royals. Remember that Battle Royal on Velocity before No Mercy? That was classic. Anyway, London got eliminated and it was down to The Dicks and Mexicools which turned out to be better than I thought. The Dicks were actually a lot better in this match than they were last week and their midget stature didn't piss me off nearly as much. Super Crazy and Psicosis even did this nice double Russian leg sweep move that went right into a roll-through slam. You can't describe it; it's got to be seen. It was truly great and a nice trademark I'd like to see from the two used on a regular basis. In the end, the Mexicools overpowered the midget Dicks and became the number one contenders for MNM's gold.
Winners: Mexicools
Order Of Elimination: Full Blooded Italians, Legion Of Doom, Funaki & Scotty 2 Hotty, Shooting Stars, & The Dicks
Star Wrestler: Paul London
Paul London is the official god of Battle Royals. He knows just what to do, how to do it, and how to place it. It's like watching poetry in motion, and I mean pure poetry, not the coke-induced Hardy kind. I swear, every Battle Royal SmackDown! has for now on should have Paul London. I just hope he's in the damn Royal Rumble this year; he's just a human highlight reel in these matches. Remember the bump he took last year after Snitsky clotheslined him? I rest my case about London's divinity.
After the match, the whole trio of Mexicools have a celebratory seizure in the middle of the ring while MNM tries to act cool, calm, and collected. I can't wait for Mexicools versus MNM though; it's nice that SmackDown! has an actual tag team division especially with some good workers too. When did that happen?
Josh Matthews is then backstage with JBL and he asks the former world champion (it seems so long ago that he was champ) what his thoughts are on the match he has tonight. He says that if he would have been there Tuesday night, he would have saved Rey Mysterio. He then says that they will have a winner and loser in the feud and Big Show & Kane have been wrecking chaos on his show. He then goes on to say he understands why people don't like him because you don't like what you can't beat, but in times like these, they need someone like him. He will go out tonight with someone he doesn't like to defeat the Raw giants because he's the wrestling God. Pretty good interview, but most of JBL's are and it was pretty much predictable. Still good though and people like Orton should take a lesson from him on being calm and only freaking out over the key points, not in the meat of the promo. After he finished, the SmackDown! screen in the backdrop starts to ooze blood. What the hell? Is this "The Shining?" First the lights go out and now this blood; must be a new direction for the Undertaker, though it looks like something that should be delegated to the Boogeyman's push.
Commercial break times three equals a cross-gimmick angle for Taker who must have been taking lessons from the Boogeyman. I already have a feeling this is going to turn out crappy.
Booker T and the ever-annoying Sharmell then make their way out and Booker T is actually dressing pretty sharp and seems to be in high spirits. Well, if I was up 2-0 in a series against Benoit, I think I would be too. All Booker T needs to do is drop Sharmell and things on SmackDown! will definitely improve. If she didn't speak, I doubt I would hate her as much, but as it stands, she opens her trap and my IQ falls a little each time.
Chris Benoit Vs. William Regal
It must be my birthday if we are getting Regal-Benoit match on SmackDown! uninterrupted! Holy shit, I think a little bit of pee just came out. This match was fantastic and, just like their other ones, was a constant series of non-wasted moments and hot offense. God damn, why can't these two have the best of seven series? If you like Booker T, I apologize, but can you honestly tell me that any match he has had with Chris Benoit is better than these matches here? If anything brought down this match, it had to be Booker T on commentary. He mumbled, stumbled, fumbled, and all the other "umbled" words I can't think of; my God, he's worse than me! Anyway, Regal focused on the neck of Benoit carrying over from Tuesday night's special and did a damn fine job with it including a nice shot to Benoit's head next to the steel post. Holy shit, I thought we were going to get a count-out finish, which actually wouldn't have been that bad. Benoit came back with a huge offense of chops and even gave Regal a nose chops. Now, to be honest, I don't mark for much stuff in WWE these days, but when Benoit nailed that huge honkin' nose of Regal's with a chop, I marked like a five year old Hulkamaniac. God damn, this is what WWE needs to be investing time into. In the end, Benoit nailed some brutal head butts to bust open both he and Regal before locking in the Crossface for the win. Great match and one of the best SmackDown! matches since the Guerrero-Mysterio classic in June.
Winner: Chris Benoit
Star Wrestler: Both
I've said it once and I'll gladly say it again: in a truly great match, no one worker is better than the other. I think that phrase rings more true in Regal-Benoit matches than any other simply because they do such a good job of not exposing any weakness in workrate from one worker. They play to their strengths and give more intensity in about ten minutes than most would see all month. God, I wish WWE would put these two together in a feud. In terms of their other matches, I think I would rate this one on par with the rest if not a little better for the repeated head working by Regal as well as the nose chop. This is a definite match of the year contender, folks.
After the match, Benoit proves why he rules by just hopping out of the ring and flying at Booker T across the announcer's table. He then takes Booker into the steel post and locks in the Crippler Crossface while Sharmell tries to break it up. Eventually she gets a chair, but Benoit sees her and chases after her as the two heels retreat. Hot damn, this is why I love Chris Benoit!
Orton is then shown with his father talking about how after he goes through Hardy tonight; he's going to demand a match with Batista. In the background, we see the clock is going completely nuts. All right, enough. You're really over-doing it with the supernatural stuff, guys.
Commercial break times four only backs up the point that Benoit is a living legend and one of the best in the world. Hot damn!
Back from the break (in a stretch of TV I know won't even come near the last match's greatness), we see a ridiculous ad for some Diva magazine. The announcers then hype up the Boogeyman's debut tonight which is funny because we will get one of the best matches of the year on this show as well as one of the worst.
Randy Orton Vs. Matt Hardy
This was another good match tonight with some good, basic wrestling. No real high or flashy spots in the opening bout which was great as it's just building towards the spots in the end. What impressed me was that Orton and Hardy were able to keep the crowd into the match during all that. When you can keep a crowd that has been programmed to think wrestlers need to throw their bodies around in order to be entertaining entertained, then you know you have a solid match. I loved Orton in this match too and he completely made up for his inability to cut a decent promo in the beginning. His work on the neck of Hardy, subtly I might add, was fabulous and I loved the arrogance he exuded towards the crowd. Definitely a good staple to the match, but let's not forget about Hardy. Hardy in this match was just as good as he's been since returning to the WWE with his new gimmick. The "I will not die" mantra works wonders for Hardy and I love how you can just tell that with every move and facial expression he does, he's living it. It's just one of those custom-made gimmicks that you really couldn't duplicate, like "Lie, Cheat, & Steal" for Eddie. All this basically boiled down to a fun match and the only criticism would be the plancha to the outside, but that's only because Orton's comeback was a little too soon after that. Still, one spot to criticize in a WWE match? I must be sick or WWE must be gaining some sense. Must be sick. In the end, Hardy missed a Moonsault to which Orton followed up with an RKO. Have you guys noticed that Orton is slithering around the ring right before he does the RKO now? He did it at Survivor Series and two episodes of Raw ago. God, that makes him look so slimly and heelish. More wrestlers need to do more stuff like that, for Pete's sake.
Winner: Randy Orton
Star Wrestler: Randy Orton
Unlike the promo earlier where he could do no right, he could really do no wrong in this match. Hardy and Orton have some bizarre chemistry which I hope will lead to a feud after Orton wins the title at Wrestlemania. Like I said, Hardy was really good in this match, but I got to give props to the Legend Killer. This time last year, Orton was stinking up the ring, and now, he's matching the in-ring work of Angle on Raw (at times). In the end, Orton had the subtle mannerisms down in the match, and I am really just a stickler for the subtle mannerisms in matches. They add so much more without even realizing about them until after the match, as opposed to blatant spots which you notice at the moment and forget later on. Orton was the star here and I can't wait for his match at Armageddon which leads us into the next segment...
After the match, the Ortons celebrate naturally before the Undertaker's music hits and we hear from Undertaker. Where do we hear him from? No idea, but this was actually kind of cool as opposed to the other cheap parlor tricks played tonight. As he re-assures Orton of who he is, father and son try and hightail it out, but Taker hits the ramp with lightning making Orton retreat back to the ring as his father hides under the ring. Taker is godly on the mike right now though he is reminding me a bit too much like Boogeyman. The laughs and taunting were great and Orton loses his mind because of it and escapes through the crowd. When he comes to an exit though, he pulls down the curtain and reveals a casket waiting for him. Orton gets back in the ring and freaks out some more as Taker prods him about being scared of caskets when Taker isn't in them. He reminds Orton of his destiny which is right before his eyes. He says Randy tried to kill him, but he is the one who does the killing. With that, Orton completely freaks out and escapes into the crowd again and starts to scream into the air asking where Taker is. He runs around some more before some more lightning strikes and Randy shit his pants some more. He gets back in the ring again and Taker calls Randy a boy and tells him he lost. He then tells Randy he's going with him straight to hell. Hell in a Cell that is! With this segment, I'm a little split on the Taker supernatural direction they are going in with this feud. On one hand, it's nice to spice it up and Taker messing with Orton's mind with the lightning and caskets was great. On the other hand, the other three supernatural things that happened were kind of unnecessary and overkill especially considering they barely recognized the first and third one. We'll see how this goes. The segment was still pretty good, but like a lot of WWE segments, it ran a little too long.
Commercial break times five equals another good match (third in a row!) and a fun Taker promo which we never get to have anymore.
Orton is then shown trying to argue with Teddy Long about how killed Undertaker and how he wants Batista, but Long said he ain't messing with someone as mad as Taker. Good segment showing the frantic nature of Orton. This match will probably make Orton like the match did with Lesnar in 2002.
We then go backstage to a new SmackDown! correspondent named Crystal something who looks like some reject from the Diva Search. She's with Simon Dean and asks him about facing Boogeyman tonight to which he goes on a rant about him being a lunatic for hiding in his closet while he is in peak, physical condition. He then goes on to plug his Simon System and his new revolutionary item he will debut tonight. He pulls off the cover, but instead of the product, we see Boogeyman's head on a platter singing another rhyme. He's got worms all around him and he's even eating some. Now, this is definitely over-kill and just plain gross. A Raw rebound is then shown of Bischoff getting run down by the McMahons and Cena winning the championship match. I can guarantee you that will lead to a good episode of Raw coming up.
Commercial break times six equals a nice little segment and then a predictable and weird Boogeyman/Dean segment. Where are they going to draw the line with Boogeyman? I think we get that he's weird; we don't need to see the worms to prove it.
The AutoZone Smack of the Night is then shown which is the Boogeyman beating up on Bischoff at Survivor Series and Long picking up the win. God, that was one of the worst "matches" in Survivor Series history.
Before the next match, they do some nice comedy with Simon Dean where he doesn't come out to his music and introduction. Chimmel then repeats his name and the music plays again and as Dean doesn't come out again, we see Security bring him out kicking and screaming. Now, to be honest, if I had to face a guy who ate worms and drooled, I'd be a little reluctant too. Boogeyman then comes out to probably the biggest fog in wrestling history and he's carrying the clock with him. He poses which you could barely see, and then hits himself with the clock as the pyro went off. As he came into clear view, we can see some glasses stuck to his head since glass obviously sticks to your head after it touches you. This one's going to be out there.
Simon Dean Vs. Boogeyman
Basically a comedy match which started with Dean running at Boogeyman and then falling down as Boogeyman sees him. He then tries to buy him off with a Simon bar to which Boogeyman kicks away. Boogeyman pulls out some worms next because we didn't see enough earlier and throws some into Dean's face. He then grabs Dean and hits him with a reverse bodyslam which was actually kind of cool and the match was over. It seems like the guy can work, but how can we tell with the worms scattered all over the ring?
Winner: Boogeyman
Star Wrestler: Simon Dean
Poor, poor, poor Simon. What did you do to deserve this? Well, thanks for trying to pick the match up with some comedy, but it didn't work. Your comedy at No Mercy was miles better and even that was kind of faulty.
As the replay shows, the announcers play to the weirdness factor before hyping up the main event of Mysterio/JBL versus the Giants of Wrestling. Before we go out, we have to see another commercial for the Bret Hart DVD because God forbid one pure soul doesn't know it's out.
Commercial break times seven equals perhaps the oddest debut ever. WWE must be begging to be criticized at this point.
Back from the break, we see the same recap of the European SmackDown! tour we saw last week. I liked the Eddie Guerrero part of it, but other than that, I really didn't care, but then again, I don't care about any of their video recaps.
Lashley's music hits and we see a highlight reel of the dominance Lashley has shown in the WWE so far. So that's why he was eliminated first at Survivor Series? Sylvan's music then hits and he comes out with a mike and talks about how all these screaming women are here to see him. Who thought it would be a good idea to give him a mike? If you just raised your hand, go shoot yourself. Sylvan moves on to talk about how they didn't come to see Lashley, but the most handsome, blah, blah, blah. Lashley then grabs the mike and says they came to see this. He takes him down and we go into the match.
Lashley Vs. Sylvan
Typical squash here with a bogus attempt at controlling Lashley on Sylvan's part. Lashley was his normal impressive self with even the one-handed vertical suplex. I love how Lashley's offense really isn't too out there, but forceful enough to be awe-inspiring. For instance, he doesn't need to hit three powerbombs in a row to get over. A simple delayed suplex there, throw here, and Spinebuster is all he needs really. That's how you know the guy has potential and will most likely get a US title run in 2006. In the end, Lashley made his comeback after Sylvan's pathetic attempt at offense and hit the Dominator for the win.
Winner: Lashley
Star Wrestler: Lashley
Someone tell me why Sylvan is still in WWE? The guy can't work, he isn't over, the gimmick sucks, the mike skills are horrid, and I have only begun to scratch the surface. You didn't notice this stuff as much when he was part of La Resistance, but as it stands, the guy is just completely dreadful. Of course Lashley will get this over Sylvan. Anyone in WWE will get it over Sylvan, even Viscera.
Afterwards, we see the WWE Rewind which is the beating that Big Show gave to Rey Mysterio at the special a few nights ago. Yep, it's official; WWE will never let us live the special down.
Commercial break times eight begs the question as to why Sylvan still has a job?
We come back to the announcers hyping up the Hell in a Cell at Armageddon between Orton and Taker which should and I think will be very good. The announcers then again show the Big Show beating from Tuesday night which will be either the fifth or sixth time this night. Let it go! After about ten minutes worth of entrances by Mysterio, JBL, Kane, and Big Show, we go into the match. Methinks WWE is over-doing the inter-promotional feud a little too much as we see Raw/SD stars on either show every week now. Does it even matter anymore? Just drop the damn brand extension.
Giants Of Wrestling Vs. John Bradshaw Layfield & Rey Mysterio
This was a way better match than I thought it would be and it started out as with the weak punch trading by Kane and JBL. JBL really impressed me with some out-of-character offense that we normally don't see from him. The opening of the match was perhaps the best of the match as they kept teasing the face/heel peril spots to set up for a massive face peril spot after the commercial break. It was subtle again (like in the Orton match) and I completely dug it though I was hoping for a heel-in-peril spot which would be the first one in WWE in years, and I stress the word years. Right before the break, JBL breaks up a cover on Mysterio and as the ref tries to push him away, he inadvertently pokes JBL in the eye. JBL flips out and walks out of the ring trying to see again and then says to himself, "Screw this; let me go get an eye drop." With that, he leaves Rey in the middle of the ring to fend off the two giants as we head to break. I didn't really like how the match stopped at this point, but it was a great way to get JBL back into heel mode as well as a fine way to establish the sadism to Kane's character as he realized he had Mysterio to himself. Lest I forget, commercial break times nine is a nice way to turn JBL back into a full heel.
The second half of the match wasn't nearly as fun as the first part, but still something to watch and be happy about. Rey was of course the rag doll to Show and Kane and they had their way with him until Rey came back with agility, of course, and started to fire a nice comeback offense that worked in his trademarks well here and there as well as still maintaining credibility and dignity for Show and Kane. The size and numbers game eventually did catch up to Mysterio in the end as he was caught by the throat, which looked very sweet, after springboarding to Big Show. Kane then jumped in and they delivered the double Chokeslam to take out Mysterio and pick up the win.
Winners: Giants Of Wrestling
Star Wrestler: Rey Mysterio
If JBL had been in the second part of the match, I'm confident he would have gotten the star wrestler nod for his nice offense and good tweener work that lead into his turn back to heel. That reminds me, I'm really digging the tweener status of Kane and Big Show. It's giving us some good, stiff moments on television as well as some nice angles that are forming. Anytime you're able to get that out of WWE, you better give credit. Back on topic though, Rey Mysterio was good as he normally is in this match and he is one damn fine worker to watch against giants. He knows just when to use his agility, to play possum, act limp, et cetera. It's all why Rey Mysterio will go down as one of the best cruiserweights of all time, people. Everyone was on in this match though, but in the end, Rey Mysterio drove the match point home and that's what matters.
After the match, Big Show looks to repeat the finishing move, but Kane has a better idea and goes to grab a chair. They lay it on the mat and go to give him another Chokeslam, but Batista's music hits and he runs down to take out both monsters. He takes Kane out with a Spinebuster and Big Show with a spear and as the two get back up, he nails them with the chair and stands tall after helping Mysterio up as this pretty good episode of SmackDown! goes off the air.
Tonight was a pretty good episode of SmackDown! It had some pretty bad segments like Orton's promo as well as two horrid squashes, but on the whole, the rest of the show was solid with some good mind-games (not the stupid clock) and good matches like Benoit-Regal, the Battle Royal, Hardy-Orton, and the main event. WWE definitely goes on cycles between good and bad, and right now, we are in the upswing of a good period on the cycle for SmackDown! Eat it up while you can though, but until it's over, here's hoping we get more Benoit-Regal style matches.
Of course, this is where I wrap it up. If you want to talk, I'm always here as my contact information is below. A lot of people who eventually do contact me always say they felt weird doing so. Don't. Just IM or e-mail me and we can chat it up about anything you want. I don't bite guys and I love to chat with the guys I'm writing for: you! Next up, I'll be reviewing the 12/3 Impact and Velocity followed by Raw and then the Primetime Special. All this will be done before WWE Raw tomorrow night and I will officially be only five days behind! Sounds good to me. 'Till next time, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch.
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