The normal WWE and Raw videos play in their respective order and we go right into the fall-out from Survivor Series. No pussy footing tonight! As the fireworks go off and Joey Styles welcomes us, Eric Bischoff is shown standing in the middle of the ring and he looks pissed. If I got my butt handed to me on three separate occasions the night before, I think I would be too. Bischoff goes on to say that he is calling out everyone from the back because they not only failed the Raw audience, but they failed him. He then says that he put notices in the locker room that failures won't be tolerated and he then orders everyone out. No one comes out so naturally Bischoff freaks out and says he is going to go to them and fire the first person he sees. So who comes out? The locker room? Jeff Jarrett? Jesus?
Well, as much as I'd like to see Eric Bischoff try and fire my messiah, I have to say it didn't happen. Vince McMahon's music hit next and he walked his ass on down to the ring. Upon entering the ring, Vince asks Bischoff if he was going to fire the first person he would see and he then reminds Eric that he is the chairman of the WWE. McMahon goes on a mini-rant about his love for the job and business (I won't touch that one 'till later) until he settles on the point we all wanted to hear: Bischoff won't be firing him or anyone tonight! McMahon then says that no one came out because he told them they didn't have to because it's not about the locker room, but rather the job Bischoff did. He goes on to say that Bischoff said he would do three things last night, but didn't get one thing done. Counting must be a definitive quality to have in the WWE these days. McMahon then says that since Bischoff can't reach these goals he sets, he must be a failure. He goes on to talk about how Bischoff had success in WCW but burned it to the ground and he asks if that's what going to happen to Raw. Bischoff, like the child caught in the cookie jar, begins to flip out saying that his record speaks for itself. McMahon, in one of his more entertaining roles, takes the opportunity to utter two phrases, one old and one new, both of which I feel should be worked into the every day conversation of Vincent Kennedy McMahon: "Shut up" and "Your record sucks." Think about it; it's your first day on the job and you go to meet McMahon for a booking meeting or whatever. You get ready to pitch your first storyline and before you get three words out, McMahon fires back with "your record sucks" with the spit flying in all its glory. How great would that be? Even more, how great would it be to be the guy who hires those poor fools and sends them to the slaughter?
From there, McMahon goes on a mini-rant about perception being reality and if they perceive Bischoff as a failure, they will perceive Raw to be one. If they perceive Raw to be a failure, they will perceive him to be a failure. Apparently, Vince is a lot of things, but not a failure. Well, at least in wrestling; outside of wrestling, you've seem to fulfilled a lot of venues like in football, right Vince? From there, Vince lays down an ultimatum that Bischoff needs to set a goal tonight and reach it tonight or he will be looking for a new General Manager. Bischoff then goes on a blubbering tantrum about how it's not an easy job, he's been here since 2002, and that SmackDown! has a revolving door with the general managers. Bischoff then calmly asks McMahon to reconsider because obviously no one could replace him. McMahon gets that look in his eye (the same look he probably got when someone mentioned football) and looks to the entrance ramp as the music of his bouncing baby boy, Shane O' Mac, hits the arena. Man that had to be one of the biggest pops I've heard for a McMahon in a long time; even bigger than his one at Raw Homecoming. Side note: notice how all the McMahons have names for the trademarked stances and what-not? Vince has the power-strut and Shane has the Shane O' Mac shuffle. What does Stephanie have? The boob bounce? Anyway, Shane hops into the ring and embraces Vince before remarking that he never really liked Bischoff and is looking forward to him going. He then says that he could replace Bischoff as he was born to do this job. In the most anti-climatic way to end an opening segment, his music hits and that seems about it. To WWE's credit, the McMahons stare down Bischoff and taunt him as he leaves, but it still doesn't do anything to remedy the horrible ending to the segment.
Commercial break times one equals another drawn out McMahon segment. Can we go a month without one?
As Shawn Michaels hits the ring with his music in tow, it seems WWE experiences some technical difficulties. Normally, I wouldn't mention it, but I just love that the technical difficulties screen image has a picture of Triple H looking like he just misplaced his bottle of water. WWE is great at using every venue possible to try and get over Hunter.
Shawn Michaels Vs. Carlito
Holy shit, Carlito can still work! This was definitely the major thought going through my mind during the whole match and that's one hundred percent cool. Why that thought though? Because this match was freaking great! This was literally the best Carlito match I've ever seen and with the stinkers he has had this year, it's about damn time. Carlito had some good matches with Ric Flair, but in all honesty, those two were just carry jobs in every single way. This match was the complete opposite as Carlito was carrying his work load not only well but better than I thought he ever could. Carlito's offense showed intensity, rage, determination, and overall, just a massive improvement. Oh, before I forget; commercial break times two equals a cool opening to the match, pun intended. I loved the leg opening that was given when HBK botched his nip-up and how Carlito just zoomed right in on it. Carlito had been semi-working over the back early on, so why would I compliment him for switching his game plan? Well, whenever I bitch about someone's game plan being shifted and killing the psychology, it's always because they are the ones shifting simply because they are in control. For example, JBL shifting the focus at No Mercy from a limp Mysterio neck to a stiff Mysterio back; why shift it when all you have done is focus on the neck and nothing Mysterio has done has given you an opening? Here, Carlito got an opening and a damn good one in that botched nip-up. In any case, the whole match was great and definitely something that should have been on PPV. I loved Shawn Michaels selling the injury especially to the point of cautiously climbing the turnbuckle. God, a class on selling by HBK could probably last days, and it's something WWE needs to put thought into doing and forcing all their wrestlers to go too. In the end, after buckling from the pain twice already, HBK finally connects with the Sweet Chin Music and sends Carlito for a trip to the stars while he picks up the win in a fabulous match.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
Star Wrestler: Shawn Michaels
Carlito was amazing in this match especially considering how awful the guy can and has been this past year. His offense, timing, focus, and expressions were on a great level tonight, but none of it matched HBK. HBK's selling tonight was perhaps some of the best I've seen in a long, long, long time. The way he buckled, walked, climbed the turnbuckle, and even breathed just conveyed the image of ultimate pain to the crowd and judging by how loud the already deafening crowd got, it definitely worked. This was one of those rare matches that show just what Shawn Michaels can do with just half a come back, chops, and selling. Shawn Michaels is a true god and I hope I see a re-match between the two in the future. Even more, I just remembered these two already faced off this year and actually had one of Shawn Michaels's only bad matches of the year. Well, I think I can safely say both are forgiven for that match because of this great one we just got here. Amazing work, you two.
Bischoff is then shown backstage and Angle and Daivari make their way into the room screaming about how big of a screw job it was last night considering Daivari was the ref, and not a random SmackDown! ref. Angle demands something be done or he will make what the Boogeyman did to him last night look like nothing. With that, he storms out and leaves a thought as to how exactly the vicious Angle gimmick should be played. Pissed off, surly, intense, threatening; need I go on? If WWE would book him in more situations like this instead of just walking away from a Cena challenge (I don't think he will ever live that down), WWE might just salvage the damage they have done to the character.
Commercial break times three equals a hot, hot, hot match followed by the very definition of how vicious Angle should be played outside the ring.
Back from break, the announcers thank P.O.D. for the song (when it should be the other way around for exposure) and a highlight reel of Big Show and his elimination last night is then shown which I guess is to get over Big Show more. I think WWE has some big plans in store for Big Show in 2006. The way they are building him up is just not happenstance. It could be pure stupidity, but I like to have more faith than that. They then pump up the SmackDown! Special the next night which will have Mysterio versus Big Show. From there, WWE shows a recap of the horribly lackluster Last Man Standing match. I've been getting a lot of feedback about people asking just why I hated the match and it's just because it was a bad combination of Triple H big matches as well as predictability and just some horrible selling here and there. To be blunt, it was poor and pathetic considering the Taboo Tuesday match the two had. When you have a match like that, you should not be having a match like last night ever again. I might expect that from a lesser talent, but Triple H and Ric Flair? Hell, no!
Eric Bischoff is then shown in the back again massaging a headache when Maria walks in and asks, in the best way possible, if he is going to get fired tonight. Bischoff plays it cool and asks who sent her here to which she replies Shane McMahon. Couldn't be Ricky Steamboat or Ted DiBiase? Come on; throw a curveball here and there, WWE! Bischoff freaks out at the innocent and adorable Maria next and says that he is still the General Manager and he is going to send her out to the ring to have a match with Kurt Angle. She says she's not a wrestler, but an interviewer. Bischoff then says McMahon asked him to set a goal and he is: he wants to make sure he will never hear another question from her. He then demands her to get to the ring or she is fired and Maria just shoots a look like your five year old niece would if she did something bad. God, I feel bad now. Man, she's good!
Commercial break times four equals poor Maria!
Fading back into the show, Maria is in the ring being consoled by Lillian Garcia before Daivari rolls his self on out. Another ref gets in there and starts to argue with Daivari over who is going to be the ref of the match. The fight escalates to the regular ref just clocking Daivari and Daivari retreating from the ring. As the ref turns his back, Daivari runs behind him and attacks him in true heel fashion. He finishes up with the Camel Clutch on the ref and then tosses him out before calling for Angle to come out with bleeps in store.
Angle strolls in with a mike and tells Maria to not worry because this was Bischoff's idea, and he's not going to do anything. He's a gentleman! All he wants is a hug and they can call it a day. Maria reluctantly hugs Angle, but of course, the swerve happens and Angle latches on and hits the Angle Slam on Maria and goes for the Ankle Lock, but Cena makes the save like the natural face he is. They duke it out and Angle gets out of the ring, but Masters then rolls in and locks in the Master Lock onto Cena. Angle then hopped back in and started giving shots to Cena while Cena dangled from Masters. Predictable segment so far, except for Masters coming out which just begs the question, "Why?" Bischoff then rolled out to make an announcement that would fulfill the goal ultimatum from McMahon and Angle's request. His goal is to see Cena tap out and lose the WWE Championship. So tonight it will be Cena against Masters against Angle in a Triple Threat submission match. Angle and Masters start to celebrate and as Bischoff's music hits, Angle grabs Cena for the Angle Slam to end off the segment with the bleeping chants. That really gives a new definition to the word annoying.
Commercial break times five equals a bad segment which actually yielded a fairly intriguing main event to me. I don't think it will be that good, but it will be fun to see Cena try and do a submission!
A recap plays of what happened before the break as we come back and the announcers all shit themselves over the main event. I hate to admit it, but it's a damn fine match to put Cena in and will definitely switch things up other than the textbook Cena match. Look at how Vengeance and Taboo Tuesday this year played out.
Six Man Tag
Trish Stratus, Mickie James, & Ashley Massaro Vs. Candice Michelle, Victoria, & Torrie Wilson
This was a better match than the six have had in the past and definitely better than expected. Ashley played the face-in-peril and played it well since she didn't have to do anything besides die; Candice and Torrie were in the ring at one point as well and stunk it up, but they didn't last long. Victoria lasted the most in the ring and definitely helped carry the match. Finally, Ashley got the tag to Mickie which made for some cool exchanges. I'd kill for a Victoria-Mickie match at this point. In the end, Mickie James hit the Stratusfaction on Victoria for the win in a match that convinced me of two things. One, all six are capable of having an average match that doesn't make me cringe. Two, the Stratusfaction may just be the worst move today simply for the slow nature of it and the ten hour pose that accompanies it.
Winners: Trish Stratus, Mickie James, & Ashley Massaro
Star Wrestler: Victoria
Definitely the star here. She made Ashley look good as well as got over her psycho gimmick, which she hasn't really portrayed well as of late. Mickie James was good in the match too, but Victoria is the spot on glue that holds all these matches together. Replace Victoria with another heel "diva" wrestler and I guarantee you the quality would drop significantly simply because Victoria bridges the gaps in workrate so well and is just multi-talented in terms of carrying these "workers." Sorry for the insult, Mickie.
After the match, Mickie James goes nuts and begins to celebrate with Trish's belt before she realizes her folly and gives it back to Trish. If they turn Trish in this storyline, it will definitely be a great thing to see and I think will lead to a good woman's feud and series of matches. The announcers then hype up Angle, Cena, and Masters in the main event as well as a match coming up next which is Big Show and Kane versus Tomko and Snitsky. I smell a five star classic!
Commercial break times six equals the hope that Trish-Mickie will come sooner rather than later.
Bischoff is then shown backstage bitching on his cell phone before Shane O' Mac rolls in and starts to goad Bischoff about his goal tonight. McMahon says that he should be careful because Cena isn't a little girl like Maria; he's the WWE champion! Thanks for reminding me, Shane, I almost forgot. He goes on to prod Bischoff some more about him using his power to manipulate Maria and it must have made him feel big. From there, Bischoff goes into a spiel about how Shane said he didn't like him, but in his opinion, Shane is nothing more than a card-carrying member of the lucky sperm club. From here, Shane O' Mac proves why he owns Bischoff in every imaginable way by grabbing him and shoving him into the wall and telling him to never disrespect him or his family name. Shane calmly collects himself and fixes Bischoff's suit for him before tapping at his watch reminding him that time is definitely running out. Pretty good segment and I think Shane could be a damn fine breath of fresh air on Raw.
From there, we see Daivari massaging Angle's back and Angle is pumping up for the main event saying it's his kind of match and Cena has no way to win the match. Daivari plays the "yes man" and re-assures Angle that as soon as Cena is placed in a hammerlock, he's going to ring the bell so fast, Cena will submit whether he wants to or not. How much longer do I have to put up with Daivari before he goes off on his own? Seriously, the guy can work and exudes charisma, and let's face it, he's already over even if it's because he was shoved down our throats. Masters then shows up and says that he went to Vince McMahon and got a fresh, impartial ref for his first WWE title match. He then says that he will be the new champion and I cringe at even the thought. In a couple of years, Masters could improve to that level (emphasis on could), but until then, it's just a thought to cringe about in present time.
Commercial break times seven equals another great use of television time by WWE. How else are we going to get that Bischoff and McMahon hate each other?
A highlight reel of the WWE's European tour in Germany, Ireland, and England is then shown. Good for WWE to go to other countries, but I really hate these recap videos they always play. Same to if Cena would appear on some random show as a guest or host. They just take up valuable time and I never really care to pay attention anyway.
Shelton Benjamin Vs. Trevor Murdoch
This was a so-so match. Parts of it were really good and parts of it were kind of bad. Shelton diving off the top rope to start the match off was pathetic. I hate it when people do moves like that in the forerunner of the match. It'd be like Benjamin hitting the T-Bone Suplex in the first five seconds, but still having a thirty minute match ahead of him. Murdoch did a better job of selling it afterwards than most do by stumbling here and there, but it's just a badly placed move. Had it been done in the middle of the match, I think it would been better because then Murdoch could have sold it more and done the finish out of desperation and gotten everything that much more over. Notice how the crowd was completely dead in mid-match? Gee, could it be related? The match did pick up after the bland opening (though I'm sure all the Shelton fans out there marked their butts off) and we saw some good work from Trevor and a nice contrast in style. Shelton trying to quicken the pace, Murdoch trying to slow it down and ultimately succeeding; that was pretty enjoyable even though Shelton's high-paced action looked out of place most of the match. In the finish, Murdoch sent Benjamin into the second turnbuckle hard and rolled him up while holding the tights to get the win. Again, so-so match but mostly because of lack of time and a horrible opening which lead to horrible crowd participation in the middle.
Winner: Trevor Murdoch
Star Wrestler: Trevor Murdoch
Murdoch is a guy who has impressed me a lot recently. When he first debuted, the guy was iffy and kind of out of place, but it could be just another case of "too much too soon" syndrome. Since his debut, he's come miles and I love his matches now with the surly look and slow offense that accentuates his out of nowhere moves like the Downward Spiral in this match. It's a definite shame that WWE split up Lance Cade and Murdoch though. It had to be one of the dumbest moves WWE has pulled in a long time; just as the tag team division was getting underway, take the straps off someone you base the division around and split them up. Must sound good in Stamford, but in reality, it's faulty to a T. Anyway, in the match, Murdoch was the clear leader and definitely the reasons for the good points. Shelton Benjamin is a good wrestler, but he needs to be taught to not give away some things so soon and that he doesn't need to fly around the ring every match. However, thinking about that, I'm wondering if there's ever been a Shelton Benjamin-Rey Mysterio match and if not, I can't wait for it!
The announcers then hype up the main event some more and then show a shot of Triple H coming out to the ring to talk about last night's lackluster match. I've gotten a lot of e-mails about you guys disagreeing with my review of the match, but I stand by it. It was completely disappointing and I dare you to tell me it was on the same level of quality as their cage match at Taboo Tuesday.
Commercial break times eight equals another weird use of TV. Why is it that in-ring promos and backstage segments get more time than the actual matches? Please, someone tell me!
Back from the break, Triple H's music hits and he strolls his way out. Strap in boys; it's time for a long-winded promo. He starts off by saying that some of them think he's not a compassionate man, but he is. When they took Flair out of the ring in the ambulance last night, he made sure that Flair went to the best hospital in the city along with the best room as well as the USA network on the huge plasma TV because he didn't want Flair to miss one minute of this. Triple H then says that he knows Ric is watching and he tells Flair to stay down. He goes onto mock Flair's train of thought into coming back and tells him to come to terms with the fact that Ric Flair is gone. Well, that's a reasonable request, don't you think? I would only add that Triple H needs to realize his 5 year reign on top in WWE is over. Triple H then says that Flair couldn't have gone out a better way than going out on back-to-back PPVs in matches with Triple H. Of course, he doesn't spare the compliments on his side of the spectrum. He then tells Flair to go home after they let him out of the hospital, live out the rest of his life (in jail maybe, which sucks), and don't come back because he is not wanted. Well, maybe not by you, but us die-hard fans still want to see him putting on breath-taking matches like at Taboo Tuesday. The fans start to get unruly (by WWE standards) and Triple H banters with them saying that they know he's right but are mad cause they would have never had the guts to do it themselves. He then says that's what separates the audience from people like him because he will do something while they talk about it. He then says that there is not a man alive that will look him in the eye and tell him to his face otherwise. With that line, some pretty big music, pun again intended, hits and the Big Show makes his way out.
The biggest wrestler today gets into the ring and stares down the ten time world champion. He grabs the mike and says that he has known Hunter a long time and has let a lot of things slide, but after last night, he's here to tell him that Hunter's a piece of shit. Great timing, Show. Big Show is one of those guys who is severely underrated just because of his size. He doesn't have the best matches or promos, but it's not like he stinks up the ring all the time. Big Show has had some really fun and great matches as well as some good segments too. I'm not saying the guy is amazing or one of the best, but he definitely needs a bit more praise than he gets. He says Hunter must think he's a tough guy, but Show doesn't need a sledgehammer to do what he does, rather his own hands. He reminds Hunter that he told him a few weeks ago that his time is coming, and his time is now apparently. Is he the champ or a wannabe John Cena? Sorry, couldn't resist the connection. Anyway, he then says the real question is does Triple H have the guts to fight him now? Probably not, but we will see how it goes. Big Show starts to stalk the Game, but Hunter backs up slowly before he tries to tell Big Show what the problem is. Big Show is having none of that tonight and slaps the mike out of his hand. God, why have I never seen that before? That was a classic move and a great way to get over Big Show. With that though, Hunter takes his cue to exit slowly sans his dignity. As Hunter leaves, he points at Big Show like he's going to do something. What was he going to do? Probably piss his pants, but who knows? They then plug the tag team match coming up next.
Commercial break times nine equals a really fun segment with Triple H's normal promo skill and one of the best Show segments I've ever seen.
WWE World Tag Team Championship
Giants Of Wrestling (c) Vs. The Juice Kings
In case you don't know, the Juice Kings are the official "Squared Circle Review" name for the team of Tyson Tomko and Gene Snitsky. I like to name all my teams as you can see, and I feel that that one most accurately describes this homo-erotic tandem force. I was leaning towards the Un-licensed Masseuses, but I don't think I would have gotten as much hilarity as intended. The match started during the break so I missed most of the beginning, which pissed me off because that's really the only good part of the Juice King matches. The match basically served its purpose and from what I saw, it was pretty average. They tried to do a Kane face-in-peril spot, but with the way they book Kane, it ended fairly quick and rightfully so. When Big Show got in the ring, he definitely was on fire and looked and moved like he was as pissed as the local bible thumper who sees a homosexual. Big Show as a tweener rules! After Big Show got tagged in, it was pretty much over except for Kane's top rope lariat spot which looked dumb because from my angle, Snitsky looked like he was staring at Kane before he did it. For those who don't remember, when Kane does that move, it takes him about an hour to get ready so you can see the problem. To cap off another Giants Of Wrestling squash, Big Show nailed Tomko with the Chokeslam From Hell and got the win.
Winners: Giants Of Wrestling
Star Wrestler: Big Show
This mofo was on fire and the new, pissed Big Show is definitely something I can get behind. The slapping of the mike earlier, the extra oomph to his step, the look like he was going to bend Tomko over and make him his bitch; it all connected and came off well tonight and I have to say, I'm more optimistic about Big Show right now then I have been since late 2002.
Commercial break times ten equals a pretty average match with a great portrayal of a pissed of giant.
A Survivor Series recap is then shown next. If you missed the PPV, don't worry because you really didn't miss much at all as the PPV was completely and utterly disappointing. If you want to read my review of it though, just click here. From there, the announcers hype up the SmackDown! special for about the fifth time tonight and we see Angle in the middle of the ring so I guess it's time for the main event!
WWE Championship
Triple Threat Submission Match
John Cena (c) Vs. Kurt Angle Vs. Chris Masters
For a Triple Threat match, this was pretty bad. In normal settings, I would say that it was about average, but based on the high level of quality that Triple Threats normally exude, it was pretty bad. The match was about nine minutes long with about five minutes going to Angle or Cena selling the Masterlock. Normally, this is the part where I would say that they had no time to work with, but when you script out a match and kill most of the time given with the damn Masterlock, you deserve no sympathy whatsoever. On a positive note, I liked Cena using the chair on Master's leg to set-up the ending which showed more psychology in about thirty seconds than Cena has since 2004. That's about it though. Well, wait; I also liked how Angle ducked out of the Masterlock the second time. Still though, that's it and that's sad. I had more positive things to talk about in the Divas match than this one for Christ's sake! Normally, Triple Threats are guarantees for good matches (see Taboo Tuesday and Vengeance), but this was just bad and could have been so much better. To the chagrin of Cena haters and myself at this point, Cena pulled out a STF on Masters in the end to get the win and actually prove that he knows more than five moves! Good for you, Cena. Now if you can just eradicate the boos in the arenas, you'll be set for another six months!
Winner: John Cena
Star Wrestler: Kurt Angle
Masters sucked. Cena sucked. Who's left by default? In reality, Angle wasn't that much better in this match but at least he could sell well and throw some odd-balls here and there. For instance, Angle falling out of the Masterlock the second time to go into the Ankle Lock was great and a good breath of fresh air in this appalling match. Besides that though, there is nothing else to praise Angle on and he really only gets the nod by default. Sad, but true.
After the match, Cena stands tall and pissed as we see the McMahons backstage saying that next week, it's time to take out the trash! With that and some more Cena gloating and Angle stare-offs, a pretty normal Raw goes off the air.
Tonight's Raw was better than most in the past, but just ended in a bad fashion which just left a bad taste in my mouth. It had some good matches tonight like Carlito-Michaels as well as an improvement in Diva matches (which has left me hopeful for the future) and let's not forget the opening and Big Show segments. Definitely good to great stuff there, guys. The problem exists in that WWE is filling up their show with a little too much emphasis on Kurt Angle these days to kind of counteract the overexposed nature of John Cena. Even more, I completely detested that main event when it could have easily been one of Masters best matches ever and should have been a decent match considering that WWE are known for their good Triple Threats. Overall, I'd give Raw a solid rating, but the ending is definitely something that will leave a horrible after-taste in your mouth which will last a few hours.
Well, time to take this show on home. Not counting Turning Point, I've got about 10 reviews left which I hope to get done either before or right after Turning Point. I think I can do it, guys. Actually, scratch that: I know I can! Up next is the SmackDown! Special which I'm sure I will enjoy because of the Eddie Guerrero moment, but I'll try and be optimistic. 'Till next time, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch!
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