Well, it's been about a month since I last did this so I guess I'm overdue, huh? No better way to start back into it with the "flagship" show of the "best" promotion around. Man, I'm starting to feel at home already. Three sentences in and I'm already yearning for some better means at expressing sarcasm. Reviewing may be a skill that can be added to my list of talents, but wit or effective sarcasm are no where to be found. Enough banter; let's get started, shall we?
Note: Make sure to join me tonight for a very special live edition of "Squared Circle Reviews" which will be covering WWE Survivor Series! For more information on this, just click here!
This special edition of Raw from across the pond starts off with the normal videos here and there followed by the friendly and very re-assuring voice of Joey Styles. From there, Shawn Michaels comes out flanked by the rest of Team Raw, which would be Carlito, Big Show, Kane, & Chris Masters. Considering the fact that Kane held the WWE Title for a day, Carlito has won one match in like six months, and Masters choked at his first upper mid-card slot; this team is very re-assuring, huh? Eric Bischoff then follows suit and comes out to the ring and he's got business on his mind tonight! On the stick, Bischoff talks about his team and how they will prove that they are superior. He then moves onto a rumor that has been circulating the internet (not to my knowledge) that Team SmackDown! will be on Raw tonight. He then says he hasn't seen squat from that brand and even has Todd Grisham on "SmackDown! Watch." God, that's a job that suits him very, very well. Grisham says he hasn't seen squat either. Bischoff then says it's because of Edge's plan of the Raw Tag Team Champions infiltrating SmackDown! and destroying Batista. Apparently, Bischoff and Carlito both find that "cool." Bischoff then goes on a rant about how it's because of his power, strength, army, et cetera; until Big Show cuts him off and takes the stick. Thank God; Bischoff is not too bad, but when he gets going, you can tell it's going to be a very long night.
Big Show then states that "we" are "your nothing." He says they went to beat up Batista because they wanted to, not because of Bischoff. Show then goes onto say that Batista was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, et cetera. I don't think I've ever been as impressed of a main event reject tag team before as I am now. I really mean that with all respect because I do enjoy Kane and Big Show, but it's quite obvious they are rejects from the promised land. However, they are fitting in very well as a team together and I love Show's mike skills with Kane's evil grin to compliment it. Too bad they had to crush the Rednecks' momentum to get there. We then hear Grisham pissing his pants as to the fact that SD is here, and we cut to the parking lot where we see JBL's limo pull out with all of Team SD along with Teddy Long stepping out. Grisham asks him why he's here, and Batista (who stole the mike from Long) says if the Raw guys got the guts, then they can step out here. Bischoff tries to stop Team Raw, but they seem content to start a fight. Shawn Michaels then says "Have no fear, GM. Team Raw is on the way." And that, my friends, is why Shawn Michaels rules. Bischoff screams at them to stop and come back, but it's obviously not working. With the sight of Team Raw leaving, it's a good time to go to commercial.
Commercial break times one equals a pretty solid opener all things considered.
Back from break, Team SD is pumping themselves up waiting for Team Raw to show up. We then see Shawn Michaels leading the team out to the parking lot while stripping. It's the best of both worlds for the genders. Females see him stripping and males finally see him take some leadership and action. About a foot from the parking lot, Carlito stops and asks what if it's a trap. Gee, there must be some brain under all that hair! Apparently, HBK is counting on it and fires up the troops to go. The face-off then ensues followed by the first true Raw/SD brawl. It was absolute mayhem, highlighted by Batista throwing Kane and Big Show onto a car and through windows. HBK went after JBL and it kind of went on like that. Eventually, Masters had Mysterio in the Masterlock and we heard an immense crash. When the cameras turned around, Batista was then shown to be chokeslammed by the two former champs. Uh-oh! Security then comes out in the nick of time (like they always do) and Teddy Long screams for a doctor as it's time for another break.
Commercial break times two equals a good brawl, but horrid use of TV time.
Grisham is in front of the camera for some god awful reason back from break and he re-caps the brawl along with him showing the car window that Batista was slammed into. Bischoff then rolls out and says that this is what happens when you mess with Raw. Funny, I thought that's what happened when your champion tore his back and you need a storyline to explain it. Anyway, relief comes in the form of Ric Flair's music as England's pumped up crowd stands in awe of the true Nature Boy. Side note: Flair really needs to drop the Intercontinental title. If they aren't going to make the feud that Flair is in have the title play some point, it has no reason to rest on Flair's waist. I can think of a dozen people who could benefit from having it as well. Gregory Helms, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Masters, Val Venis, Rob Conway, et cetera. Murdoch then makes his way out and one of the most anticipated Raw matches in a while goes down.
WWE Intercontinental Championship
Ric Flair Vs. Trevor Murdoch
This was just a fun throwback match to wrestling's yesteryear. Murdoch embody that of the old Murdoch and Flair was just, well, Flair! There wasn't really much to this match, but then again, I have seen some very good matches that were basically headlocks and leg scissors with a finishing move in the end. I'll tell you though; Murdoch did a hell of a job impressing me. Since his first tag match, it wasn't hard for me to see that Cade was carrying the team in terms of workrate and Murdoch would take up the gimmick portion. However, since then, he has really blossomed, or maybe adapted is a better word to use. Either way, Murdoch has come a ways, which might spell the end for Lance Cade as he's already been sent back down to OVW once. Back to the match, like I said, it was just a throwback match with a lot of basic stuff you'd see in stuff from the 70s or 80s. Murdoch exposed his knee to heighten the impact, Flair moved and exposed, Flair moved in on it, Flair chops, Murdoch taunts, et cetera. It was pretty predictable, but also fun and very well put together if that makes any sense. In the end, Flair rolled up Murdoch for an easy win, but still felt the need to hook the tights and prove why he is still the dirtiest player in the game, baby!
Winner: Ric Flair
Star Wrestler: Trevor Murdoch
It's no doubt that Ric Flair is Murdoch's superior in wrestling skill all around, but here at "Squared Circle Reviews," we will hand this nod out for just more than pure skill. As you've seen time and time again, pure amazement and the ability to surprise me with your efforts will get you this nod. For instance, if Gene Snitsky went out there today and wrestled Shawn Michaels, yet modeled himself almost one hundred percent like Bam Bam Bigelow, Michaels would still be his superior, but Snitsky would definitely get the nod on true surprise. As it is, Murdoch really caught me off guard and I'm glad to say it: I was wrong about him. Let's hope now that WWE does something with him to showcase that talent.
Murdoch then makes his way out crying while Flair poses in the crowd. Triple H then comes on the screen and says that win proved nothing, but just bought himself time as he's going to finish what he started. He says this Sunday will not be about winning or losing, but surviving. God, they say that every time there is a stipulation or gimmick match. He then reminds Flair of him saying that he'd beat the Game if it was the last thing he'd do. Triple H then says he'll make that true this Sunday and we go off the air again.
Commercial break times three equals good match and promo, albeit both were very predictable.
Rob Conway Vs. Tajiri
Back from break, Tajiri had Conway in the Tarantula as the match had started, but JBL runs out and lays them all out with some clotheslines.
Winner: No Contest
Star Wrestler: Tajiri
Oh, come on. Yes, the match was like five seconds, but you knew how it was going to go.
JBL then gets on the mike and asks the crowd if they want a fight, to which the crowd pops for. He says Batista is on the way to the hospital because of a bunch of cowards from Raw. He says he's standing here with the two feet God gave him because he's not a coward and he demands Raw to come out, or more specifically Chris Masters, who he attaches a few well-mannered names too. Bischoff then comes out and was under the assumption that the trash was taken out. Bischoff then wants to know why the hell JBL interrupted a match on his show. Um, Eric; because the script said so? JBL then says he demands a match, and Bischoff says that either makes him the dumbest or bravest person on Earth. God, this just must be cliche day in WWE. I'll bite though because they all make sense thus far (emphasis on the end phrase). Bischoff thinks it's the former so he is going to give him a match that will knock some sense into him, but it won't be Masters. It will be the captain of Team Raw, Shawn Michaels! Hot damn, I think that one will be good. Something about HBK in high profile moments really just sparks the fire under my butt to pay attention. JBL then leaves to prepare as Bischoff taunts him some more in a good way to draw out the segment some more. Highlights from last week's Angle-Benjamin match are then shown which I guess means it's up next, and we go right into another commercial.
Commercial break times four equals I never got my Tajiri fix, damn it!
They then show a recap package of Cena on Mad TV, which actually looked pretty funny. Too bad I already missed it. Anyone tape it for me? Please? Anyway, Angle then makes his way out to the ring and they are still bleeping the "You Suck" chants, which is getting very, very, very annoying. Please God, don't let them do it on PPV. Shelton then makes his way out, but we have no ref! As our former friend in green would say what'supwiththat? Angle then points to the screen and we hear Daivari's music hits and he comes out in the ref colors. Remind me again why these two are teaming up? Last I heard, Daivari was being carried off by terrorists and Angle was an American Hero; the next thing I know they are like lamb and tuna fish. Do I even need to quote Hurricane again?
Kurt Angle Vs. Shelton Benjamin
Guest Ref: Daivari
This was almost a textbook example of a mediocre match. Why? Sloppiness. Some of things they did in this match were very good like Shelton DDTing Angle on the apron. The way they took certain moves and did certain spots in the match, like said DDT, were horrible. For instance, I saw one of the worst back/rib breakers in this match (so sloppy I can't even tell which) as well as some very horrible clotheslines, rights, and takedowns. The match started off like an indication of last week and just got horrible as it went on through the middle. The end was good, but still left a lot to be desired. I'm normally a fan of both of these, but they were just insanely sloppy tonight and it's like they weren't even trying to re-create the magic from last week. Sad too, because with the hot crowd, I think they could have had a chance. I still think there is hope for a feud between the two maybe after Angle is done with Cena. In all honesty, why not? It's not like WWE is doing anything better with Shelton at the moment and it would make sense. Former student against teacher, all that jazz. Seems like it would work to me! Anyway, the match was just mediocre. Laid out perfectly, but the execution of a lot of moves and spots were just piss-poor. I'll tell you though, Shelton dangling in the Ankle Lock was great and it really sold the pain he must be going through as well as the strength of Angle to make Shelton dangle like that. In the end, Shelton rolled Angle out of the Ankle Lock into a pinning attempt. Daivari shat his pants and flipped them over so Angle was on top and did a fast count to give Angle the win.
Winner: Kurt Angle
Star Wrestler: Shelton Benjamin
I'm a big of Angle fan as any, but he was horrible tonight. Just horrible. He was sloppy in taking almost everything, his moves were lacking the intensity, and just his overall demeanor was distracted. God knows why (could be Eddie or injury), but the end result was that Angle plain sucked tonight. I hate to say it, but it's just true. Shelton, meanwhile, was good at carrying Angle and covering up for the blatant sloppy workrate with stuff like dangling from the ankle. This match also made me realize just how much alike Shelton is to Shawn Michaels, both in demeanor and style. I think that if WWE saddled a gimmick close to HBK onto Shelton, they could really hit gold so to speak. It's wishful thinking, I know, but when he can cover up for the worst rib/back breaker ever as well as one of the most sloppily taken DDTs in recent history, I think he's up for the task.
Daivari then gets an evil look on his face and Angle grabs the mike and says that Cena better be ready as the announcement he's about to make next will change their title match coming up. God, even his mike skills suck! What the hell is up with Angle?
Commercial break times five has me very worried about my Olympic Hero.
Angle is still in the ring as we come back and he goes about answering the question as to why he's shacked up with Daivari. Good question. He says they are a lot alike. For one, they've been abused by the people. Ok, I'll buy that one. You're one for one after a shitty match, Kurt; keep it going. He then says they are both proud Americans. Ok, that part doesn't add up. Proud Americans don't badmouth their country to no end. Badmouth the country in a joke or rarely, maybe; but non-stop? Hell no! He then says that they will cheer someone dirty like Cena and boo someone American like him? Well, duh? Didn't you watch wrestling in 1999 with Steve Austin? Angle then drops the bombshell that Daivari is now Angle's personal ref for every last one of his matches, including Survivor Series. That's a pretty good deal right there, and a lot better than just having him ref Survivor Series. Better way to use Daivari than as a stereotypical Arab. Whoops better swallow my words since Daivari then took the mike and started shouting in a language I have no comprehension of. Cena then appears on the screen and proves why he owns Angle on the mike, especially on the night Kurt can do no right.
Anyway, Cena decides he's going to take a trip and find out what the WWE stars think of Kurt Angle. If this segment proceeds to suck, I will renounce all McMahon owned product for the rest of the year because a set-up like that is just bound to be gold. Even your local Indy promotion couldn't screw this one up. First off, Cena barges into the Diva locker room as they are undressing. He pulls a 180 and claims he saw nothing and just wanted to know if they had anything to say to Kurt Angle, to which Maria replied "You're not Kurt Angle; you're John Cena!" God bless you, Maria. You are literally the only Diva Search winner who is being used right and is effective in that role. Candice then says she knows he thinks Kurt sucks, but does he think she does. As she says it, she strips to a befuddled Cena who starts to mumble before some chick kicks him out and ruins our fun. Of course, call me is the only thing Cena can spit out afterwards. A true man, ladies and gentlemen. Cena then thanks God, like an intelligent human being, and says it's not about the Divas sucking or not, but rather Kurt. That's where you're wrong, John. It should always be about whether they suck or not; how else is a guy to know?
Cena then continues his trip and finds Snitsky massaging Tomko's back for some reason unbeknownst to everyone on Earth. He catches them and they freak out and hilarity ensues as always in these homo-erotic situations. Apparently, Tomko had a kink in his neck and as always, it wasn't Snitsky's fault! God, this segment rules so far. Next, Cena opens another door and reveals the Boogeyman of all people. Why him? No idea and I could have sworn he was on SmackDown! He sings London Bridges and does his "I'm going to get you" spiel. Cena looks like someone just turned water into drool (well, he kind of did) and then re-opens the door to find Boogeyman go through another spiel. Time to move on! Cena then concedes that asking the superstars was a bad idea, but all those fans out there think he sucks and they have a voice. He then goes out to the crowd and starts asking the crowd what they think of Kurt Angle, to which of course they all say he sucks, except one guy who might have just pissed his pants at the thought of meeting Cena. Cena then makes his way to the ring and gets the whole crowd chanting it and Angle throws a hissy fit as usual. Cena then comes to the conclusion that Angle still sucks. With that, he jumps into the ring and takes down Angle as well as chasing off Daivari. Cena then back body drops Angle clear out of the ring and stands tall. For some reason, Angle finds some reason to smile as he gets Daivari to raise his hand in I guess a foreshadowing as to how things will go down at Survivor Series and the end of a great segment in Raw history comes about. This was exactly what WWE needed to prove that they could still do comedy and do it well.
We then see a hype-up ad for HBK-JBL tonight and then see Triple H heading to the ring for a match against Val Venis next!
Commercial break times six equals a great freakin' comedic segment and probably one of the best of the year, right behind the Team 3-D funeral from TNA Impact! Nothing beats that this year.
Triple H Vs. Val Venis
Basically, Venis ran in and beat the crap out of Triple H before tossing him out. Triple H got pissed, like he probably does naturally when he has to job, and decides to take his frustration out on Venis with a chair. He whacks him, the bell rings, end of match. Definite match of the year candidate here, guys.
Winner: Val Venis
Star Wrestler: Val Venis
He knew he was going to get squashed, but still went out there and made it look good and realistic. Venis is such an untapped resource in WWE; probably the most under-used star in WWE, but I can just hear Helms and Benjamin fans coming up the pipe work so I'll just say it's my opinion.
After the match, Triple H throws Venis into the ring and starts to wail on him with the steel chair. I think it's pretty safe to say that everyone below the mid-card has at one time or another been the victim of a Triple H beat down that passes itself off as a vent to his frustration. Triple H then hits the Pedigree on Venis while he calls out for Flair and the over-used segment comes to an end. Eric Bischoff is then outside on the phone and is interrupted by some staff who says Teddy Long is outside demanding to see him. Bischoff agrees to see him and we go off the air once more.
Commercial break times seven equals me thinking that we can't go through one Triple H feud without him demolishing a jobber when things don't go his way.
Back from break, they do some shots around England and inform us that WWE Unlimited (which I don't bother to watch for obvious reasons) showed that the GMs came to an agreement that tonight's main event would be a lumberjack match with the remaining members of the team serving as the lumberjacks. Minus Batista, that is!
Candice Michelle Vs. Mickie James
Anyone mind telling me why Candice is carrying a wand? Even more, why the hell are they kissing now? If it's an attempt to salvage the women's division, let me tell you tight now, WWE, it's not working now nor will it ever. This was bad, but at least WWE has finally caught on that keeping these "matches" short will help them in the long run. You got to find the positive in the negative, and sadly, that's really the only positive. After some horrible trades (Mickie can't carry all the work), Trish Stratus gets abducted by two masked men reminiscent of the terrorist angle a few months ago. James gets distracted and is then subject to a chick kick to the back from Victoria. She exits stage left and Candice hops in for the cover and win.
Winner: Candice Michelle
Star Wrestler: Mickie James
Call it me being biased since she's from my hometown, but this chick can wrestle. How nice is it to actually see a punch being thrown correctly by a new woman wrestler on Raw? I swear, the last woman wrestler to debut on Raw and throw a punch correctly was Gail Kim, and that was over two years ago! Sadly, Mickie couldn't save this stink fest, but I can wait until the day they give us Mickie-Victoria or Mickie-Trish.
Commercial break times eight equals impatience growing as to the lack of actual Mickie James matches.
Back from break, we find the masked men tying up Trish and they reveal themselves to be MNM as Melina comes out. Melina trash talks Trish and says she's the most dominant Diva in the WWE and she challenges Trish at Survivor Series for the title. She rips off the tape and Trish says she thinks she's going to get her ass kicked. Melina then says some cliche line and kicks Trish square in the head. Hmm, this could be interesting. I'm going to keep an open mind about this one simply because I know Melina has some actual wrestling training and she had some good matches down in OVW. Let's hope this one goes good.
The announcers then pump up the Raw versus SmackDown! match at Survivor Series and then make way for Maria, who again plays her gimmick so well. She's holding a copy of Shawn Michaels' book and then welcomes him out. She then says she was reading his book, but HBK says it's not the time to promote the book right now, even though, as he says, it's available in all book stores. HBK scores another one for Raw. He then goes onto talks on HBK versus JBL or as he calls it, the initial confrontation. Score another one for HBK, scorekeeper. HBK then says he doesn't agree with anything Bischoff says or does, but JBL's antics don't fly on HBK's turf. Michaels then says they are going to find out what it takes to get Raw! Oh, god. The cliches! They're killing me!
Commercial break times nine equals proof why Shawn Michaels flat out rules.
They do the normal main event lead-in with the drawn out entrances and recaps of something that happened earlier tonight. Again, more cliche antics! Thank God they didn't lead into a commercial though before the match started.
Lumberjack Match
Shawn Michaels Vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
Before I forget, commercial break times ten equaled a horrible break-up as the match finally started to get good. As a regular match, this was good. As a lumberjack, it was piss-poor. They rarely used the lumberjack scenario except in five spots of a near twenty minute match. Even more, it was always against HBK and three of them were the exact same spots! Maybe it was the lack of lumberjacks or maybe just the lack of proper knowledge on how to book one, but this was one of the worst lumberjack matches I've ever seen. There are only so many times a man can watch a heel team (which has a perpetual face on it) grab the face and pull him out only to be chased off by the face team (which has a perpetual heel on it). Seriously, only so many times! The match itself was pretty good and I'd like to see the two go at it in a regular match with about the same time. JBL focused on HBK's lower back and HBK sold like the legend he is. I really dig most of JBL's offense, but the real problem is that once it's obvious what he's working over, you can see blatant holes in his theory like dropping an elbow to the neck when you're working over the back. Seriously, someone just ask JBL why! However, I love his set-up offense or pre-strategy offense. It's fundamental, sound, and not too flashy to give away dessert before the main course, so to speak. It's a great lead-in. Of course, after HBK's comeback, the match was like any other HBK match in existence, but would you really have it any other way? Talking on the match as a whole, the last bit that really ruined it was the ending. HBK made his comeback, spring boarded himself to the outside to take care of Team SD, and then gave JBL some chin music and was going for the pin. Orton then hopped in with an RKO to take out Michaels and then both teams went at it. That's fine and dandy, but there was no bell at all! Normally, when things like that happen, you see the ref's right arm twitching like a recovering coke addict to try and get the bell rung. This time, we saw nothing. For all I know, the match could still be going on! Oh, WWE; what will you feed me next?
Winner: No Contest
Star Wrestler: Shawn Michaels
Like I said before I took a month break, whenever we have a Shawn Michaels match, let's just assume he's the star wrestler. It will work out better in the long-run, trust me. Without HBK's limp noodle selling (which really gets me every time) as well as timing and comeback, this match really would have been the pits. JBL's offense is really the type of offense that falls on the peril guy to sell. It's basic and fundamental, but really needs the look of pain to sell it as opposed to a move like the Canadian Destroyer where you don't even need to see the face of the guy who got it to absorb the pain. Before I forget, this Sunday? Yeah, Shawn Michaels will be the star.
After the "finish" to the match, the two teams have a huge melee inside of the ring which sees things like Rey taking Masters out of the ring, Orton giving Carlito an RKO, Big Show spearing Orton, Kane chokeslamming Rey Mysterio off the spring board, and more. Finally, Big Show and Kane give a double Chokeslam to Lashley and stand tall until Batista runs out with his shoulder and backed all taped up, carrying a lead pipe. They go to Chokeslam him, but he nails them with the lead pipe and goes to town. Eventually, he hits a Spinebuster onto Big Show and stands tall as Raw goes off the air. Phew!
Overall, this week's Raw was pretty lackluster coming off of last week and being the last one before Survivor Series. WWE did an excellent job of promoting the elimination match, but not much else. Triple H and Ric Flair had no real set-up except for a promo that just summed up everything that had already been said. The Cena segment was gold, but didn't really do much to build up the storyline except officially add Daivari to the mix, though he was already in there. Melina-Trish was a good idea to add to the diminutive card, but is a battle royal and a two minute segment really enough build-up? All in all, it wasn't really a bad Raw, but it's right on the line between average and bad and I think a gust of wind might just push it into the bad region. I'm really holding back on criticizing though because a lot of this is due to Eddie Guerrero's death and the lack of show last week. Naturally, you can't blame them for the kind of show they did last week and can actually find some way of praising them for finding a small way of inserting storylines into a tribute show like the tag champs match and the Melina-Trish exchange. I personally think Survivor Series is going to suck, but I have been wrong before and would love to be wrong again.
Well, I think that's going to wind it down for this return edition of "Squared Circle Reviews." Tonight, do not forget to join me at TheWrestlingVoice.com for a very, very special live edition of this reviewing series as I will be covering none other than WWE Survivor Series. Make sure to stop by as I always have fun with it. Even more, we are the fastest on the net at on-line coverage, whether reporting or reviewing the PPV. Why would you settle for anything but the fastest? For more information on the live coverage, just click here. Anyway, you'll see me next as I review WWE Heat followed by SmackDown!, Velocity, TNA Impact!, and then of course, WWE Survivor Series! 'Till next time though, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch.
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