The Power may be back, but the Heat video definitely does not show that. I know I nitpick sometimes (hell, all the times), but seriously, what idiot designs a wrestling opening package for TV and not have it show any clips of wrestling in it? Pure genius right there; pure genius.
Ragin' Rednecks Vs. Ladies' Men
If you saw the match between these two on Raw three weeks ago, you can pretty much guess ninety percent of this match. It wasn't that bad, just painfully generic as they did the same spots. To their credit, Cade and Venis made it work better than expected with their cowardice and selling respectively, but like I said, it was just all generic stuff. Venis played the face-in-peril and we eventually went to a huge, and oddly entertaining, ending that saw a lot of counters and a surprising upset when I thought the Ladies' Men would be jobbing faster than Hurricane in a curtain jerker. Viscera went for the big splash on the heels in the corner; Murdoch distracted him causing Cade to hit him with the boot. Viscera then took out Murdoch with a Black Hole Slam type move followed by Venis pulling Cade nuts first into the corner. Venis and Viscera both then hit splashes for the win and a major upset.
Winners: Ladies' Men
Star Wrestler: Lance Cade
Definitely a match that should be better considering the quality of the Rednecks and Venis; with the time he is given, Viscera really should not be blamed for any of the matches shortcomings. I take that back; Viscera's dancing on the apron was visible poison to me and I literally thought I saw the Grim Reaper enter my bedroom door. I can see it now: "R.I.P. Douglas Nunnally; cause of death: too much Viscera dancing." Back on point, Venis was his normal self here, but with the way he was booked, there wasn't much that screamed star quality of him. Cade was great on all counts as he normally is. In being a student of Gonzalez and HBK, you really couldn't expect less from the guy who I have liked since he stepped into the WWE with Mark Jindrak. I foresee a good run for Cade in the near future, and I hope it's a sign for things to come with HBK graduates. We got London, Spanky, and Cade. Now all we need is Bentley and Danielson. I would sit my pants if American Dragon signed with WWE. Literally.
An ad for the Raw magazine and the highlight on Triple is then show because we all know that WWE magazines can't sell without Triple H, right? Gee, I wonder who will get star wrestler next:
Rosey Vs. Snitsky
This was just bad. Snitsky's offense made no sense and a lot of it strained basic common sense. Rosey was making it almost passable (key word: almost) with some great spots like taking a straight head bump to the pole and doing a springboard Moonsault. That's right; Rosey, the big, blubbery guy, hit a springboard Moonsault. For his weight and size, it was a pretty good one at that. Sadly, that was the only highlight. Snitsky summed up everything wrong with this match with one move. Following Rosey nailing his head on the steel pole, Snitsky locked in a key lock. Let me break it down for you: Rosey kills his head and Snitsky goes after the arm. Wow; just wow. Just when you think the pimple-popping, juiced-up moron couldn't get any worse, he pulls stunts like this. I have to applaud him for trying to incorporate some psychology, but then again, if I saw him, I just might yank on his beard for pulling a stunt like that. Jeez; finish finally came when Snitsky hit the big boot to Rosey.
Winner: Snitsky
Star Wrestler: Rosey
Rosey was good on all counts here in comparison to Snitsky, but the pure fact that Rosey hit a springboard Moonsault and Snitsky locked in that key lock after a head bump solidified my early prediction.
An Ultimate Warrior ad is then shown. I can't believe they are still hyping this thing up. I wonder how long it will be before Warrior sues WWE for slander. A recap of that priceless Austin segment from Raw follows. Man, I wish more segments like this would pop up and replaced the long-winded promos of the McMahons. That and the Flair promo were some of the best WWE segments of the year.
Rob Conway Vs. Greg Valentine
After Conway comes out, a promo by him airs of him talking up his feud with the WWE legends. Why do we need another Legend Killer gimmick? It barely worked for Orton, why repeat it with Conway, someone you won't give any kind of push? Even more, why the hell are you going to squash Valentine to Conway on a show no one will watch? Pure genius, yet again. It's great to see Valentine, but not this way; never this way for the Hammer. This match was just another generic one with nothing out of the ordinary and not the kind of quality I would expect from either worker. Valentine had some nice elbows and chops and Conway had a really good beat down/humiliate spot on Valentine, but other than that, there was nothing to the match. No real good high spots and no real weight to it. In the end, Eugene made the save for Valentine costing him that match and furthering their feud. Well, at least they didn't squash Valentine!
Winner: Rob Conway
Star Wrestler: Greg Valentine
Neither man was good, but Valentine's offense was classic methodical style and I just loved his old school elbow drops. The Hammer is someone I was always a mark for and it's shame that that controversy with Backlund in the 80s never ended up with him having a world title run.
After the match, Eugene tries to play around with the Hammer, but Valentine gets pissed at him for costing him the match and he pushes him down. Valentine shrugs it off and Eugene starts to cry in the ring. Methinks Valentine might have a role at Taboo Tuesday against Eugene.
The new book on the Divas, which should be a real page-turner even if the pages get sticky, is then shown.
Kerwin White & Nick Nemeth Vs. Shelton Benjamin & Matt Striker
Another generic match to end up Heat; goody! Match started off well with Striker doing some chain wrestling and some basic mat-work. Striker is an untapped talent and I was really hoping to see a lot more from him as I think he had a lot to bring to this one. Shelton is then tagged in early on and the Shelton-Kerwin saga continues. I don't know why this feud sucks; each worker is perfectly good in their own style, but working together, they conflict more than the Middle East. I don't think I've seen a good match from the two yet. Nemeth was generic (word of the night) in his debut, but to his defense, all he did was sell; hard to judge. Shelton played the face-in-peril, which seemed odd seeing as how Benjamin should go on the hot tag, but they did this so that Striker could turn heel. As Shelton went to tag in Striker and go on the hot tag, Striker jumped down like we've seen a million times before, thus turning himself heel. The match didn't end then for some odd reason as it went two-on-one for a good two and half more minutes. Kerwin definitely carried the match from this point. Who am I kidding? As soon as Striker tagged out, Kerwin was carrying the whole damn match. Again, I love Shelton Benjamin, but the guy does not work well with Kerwin at all. I am dead serious when I say "at all." Finish came when the numbers game finally caught up to Shelton and the golf buddies hit a double team Electric Chair Drop for the win.
Winners: Kerwin White & Nick Nemeth
Star Wrestler: Kerwin White
Striker was great in the opening, but he was only there for the opening. Not enough to give the nod to. I hope they do something with him now that he is heel though. That promo on WWE.com with him in the classroom was classic and is a good foreshadowing of some good moments to come. Anyway, Kerwin was good as usual, though he is still blatantly having problems making this feud with Shelton work. On paper, it looks like gold, but in reality, it looks like someone got tricked into buying some off a fool. I enjoy each separately, but together, the styles clash is one of the worst I've ever seen and neither worker compensate for the other. In the end, Kerwin doesn't look as out of place as Shelton so he will always get the nod in this feud sadly. Sorry, Shelton.
An utterly generic Heat this week which is rather disappointing as Heat has really dropped in quality since debuting on WWE.com. This one was just filled with matches that you could tell had some purpose, but they were either horribly booked, way out of place, or just plain bad. Having Shelton as the face-in-peril was one of the dumbest things of the night; granted, Shelton was going to get screwed, but it led the crowd to believe that Striker was going to take care of everyone. Who the hell is Striker to take down these two guys? The clear worst spot of the night was Snitsky with that key lock though. That defied more logic than the TNA X Division, guys. I swear my IQ dropped fifty points just watching it and knowing that Snitsky probably thought he was great for doing it. Man, I hope Heat picks up soon. It's funny how Raw continually spanks SmackDown!, but Heat is then spanked week in and week out by Velocity. Nice twist of fate too, even more considering Velocity will probably be Hardy's new home.
That ends this pessimistic edition of "Squared Circle Reviews." Like I said before, I'm catching up, but slowly. I'm still behind, but I will catch up. Next, I got SmackDown! followed by Velocity, Whiplash TV, NWA Main Event, NWA Virginia, Bound For Glory, Raw, and NECW TV. I know I'm backed up ‘till the end of time, but I promise you I will catch up. ‘Till next time loyal readers, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch like I really did today.
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