They show the TNA video followed by a recap of the AMW/Kim/Jarrett beat down on Team 3-D. That was definitely too gory for the simple stuff they did. It was one title shot and one guitar shot and that equals pools of blood? Pure overkill. They then show the Impact! video and we go right into it.
Handicap Match
Monty Brown Vs. Mikey Batts & Jerrelle Clark
Damn, I was hoping I would get to go through another week like last time without seeing the Indy porn star known as Monty Brown. To his credit, it was a short squash that basically destroyed both jobbers. Batts started off by jumping off the apron to Brown, but he caught him and spun around to take out Clark before disposing of Batts. That was a great way to open. To Brown's credit some more, this is exactly the kind of match he needs to have. They don't go too long to reveal his weaknesses and are enough to get a huge reaction and make him look powerful. It's simple Goldberg/WCW psychology, and like I've always said, Brown will be and should be TNA's Goldberg. After a squash and the Alpha Bomb, Brown picked up the win in an uneventful match.
Winner: Monty Brown
Star Wrestler: Mikey Batts
I will say it right now: Monty Brown will never ever get the star wrestler accolade here. I recognize actual workers in this series, not washed up NFL players who now dress in attire fit for late night Cinemax. When he learns that less is more and how to do a shoulder tackle/spear properly, then I might consider it. ‘Till then, spot monkeys will even get it over him. Batts was good here though, despite him being a normal ape. Sure, he knew he was going to get killed, but throwing himself against Brown at all points to try and take him down for a second was definitely a good strategy against someone who will beat you in a power game.
Some idiot then hands Brown a mike and he cuts an over-selling piece of garage about how no one will stop him from winning the title. Lance Hoyt then comes out so I guess he will stop him. Yeah, that's real believable. Brown then says they will wait, but when the hell was this match announced? Hoyt then gets the mike and I question if TNA just hands out mike for laughs.
Shane Douglas is then with Larry Zybsko who has a major announcement. He says he is proud to announce that for the first time next week The Naturals will defend the tag team straps against America's Most Wanted. Raven then runs in and goes psycho with security holding him back. Raven, unlike the past two weeks, actually explains why he is going psycho since Jarrett screwed him and Nash got his shot. I have to ask something. Since Zybsko hates Jarrett supposedly, why doesn't he let Raven get a rematch? I'm serious. Why get a guy kicked out of the building when all he did was get screwed by a shared enemy? Well, at least this week, TNA explained why Raven was going ballistic. For newer fans, you were probably left in the dark as to why a guy dressed up like a Goth was just beating up nobodies. For older fans, you were probably wondering why TNA has yet to put any emphasis on the former NWA champ. For all fans, you were probably just scratching your head as the hits never stop coming in good ol' Total Nonstop Action.
Commercial break times one equals Raven being jobbed out again. It really seems like nothing has changed in TNA since last time TNA hit a new stride (the last being when they debuted monthly PPVs). Raven's a jobber, AJ Styles is in the forefront of the X Division, Jeff Jarrett is champion, Nash is returning. This is ludicrous considering this crowd complains about WWE never changing.
They show a promo for Jushin Thunder Liger and Samoa Joe, hyping up their match at Bound For Glory. Man, I can't wait for that one. Liger is one of my all-time favorite wrestlers and he and Joe are just amazing. That will easily be match of the night with the Iron Man probably coming close.
David Young Vs. Matt Bentley
Holy shit, Bentley started skipping to the ring. Oh wait, it's called the Bentley bounce. Yeah, that makes it sound manlier. Bentley is normally a perfectly fine worker, but with his new hair cut and his new skipping entrance, TNA is just belittling him. I take that back. Most of this stuff he is doing is probably his own choice. That makes it all the more pathetic. Anyway, had this match gone a bit longer, it would have been a lot better. Young was working over the back in the match with some nice offense, but Bentley quickly no-sold it with offensive moves where he himself landed on his worked over body part. Again, we have a lack of common sense. Also, the match had too quick of a comeback on Bentley's side. To his defense, they weren't given much time and I am confident that they would have done wonders with five to seven more minutes. Finish came when Diamond caused some confusion and Bentley capitalized with the Superkick.
Winner: Matt Bentley
Star Wrestler: David Young
Had the match gone longer, it would be been better, but as it was, it deserves an average rating. You could call it good, but that would be pushing it a lot. David Young is a guy I'm impressed with most of the time. His work in tag matches aren't that great, but as a singles wrestler, he could be something great. He was great in control of Bentley, and had Bentley actually sold a bit more (like the Irish Whip to the turnbuckle), the match would have gotten a bigger reaction and a definite better rating. Bentley is a good worker overall in my opinion, but on TV matches like this, he just doesn't try and that in itself reveals the real quality of a worker.
After the match, Petey Williams comes out and lays out Bentley and hits the Canadian Destroyer, the favorite move of smarks world-wide. Williams then tries to kiss Traci, but she pulls away from him and slaps him. Williams freaks out and goes to hit the Canadian Destroyer on her. Before he can, Chris Sabin rushes out and breaks it up thus getting him over as the bigger face versus Bentley. This kind of segment is happening on every show now and while it's good, it's definitely overkill. Once was enough and two is more than enough. Three equals overkill, which must be plastered above the wall in the booking office. That is really the only explanation for the shit TNA does. Two Ultimate X matches in three months? Anyone who doesn't believe that to be overkill needs to be evaluated by a team of doctors with degrees I can't even spell.
They then show a video of AJ Styles putting him over as TNA's golden boy. It was a good promo, but why in the hell is it on the third week and not the first? AJ Styles is TNA's best thing going right now, so why not promote him on your biggest Impact! show ever as opposed to the third show were the ratings have plateaued by now.
Commercial break times two again leaves me baffled at the TNA mindset.
They show a video for The Naturals. Kind of dumb to pump up a team that we haven't even seen and won't see until next week. Even dumber considering they are most likely going to job to AMW. At this point, it's mostly predictable what is going to be said about each person or team. It's getting kind of ridiculous. Next week is most likely going to be the last week they are going to do these and I for one can't wait. They were good on the first show, all right on the second show; but by now, they reveal the lack of originality in what each person says about the person or team.
Next, Don West, still looking for his doughnut, says that AMW isn't here but they have a special video to show. We then see the infamous Team 3-D funeral. Jesus Christ, this was one of the best wrestling funerals has ever seen and without a doubt, TNA's best vignette/segment in its history! Just a few highlights would be Team Canada all holding hockey sticks, Scott D'Amore stuffing his face with popcorn and candy, AMW drinking and sobbingly uncontrollably, and Abyss going ballistic on a tissue box. They basically put over the fact that Team 3-D tried to steal their spotlight so AMW laid them out and they are dead. Seriously, this segment has to seen to believed! I really didn't expect to see this kind of thing from TNA. I had to wipe away the tears from my eyes due to laughter after it. The best parts were the Canadians though. They definitely set back their nation hundreds of years, but it was so worth it! This was definitely a must-see segment. Others won't like it as much for the overall package, but the little things is what you got to look for such as the guestbook in the opening. Go watch this segment now! If you've seen it before, go watch it again.
Sabu then makes his way out to a good pop and we go to a break.
Commercial break times three equals pure astonishment from the fact that I enjoyed a TNA segment. The fifth sign of the apocalypse is upon us. Run for the hills!
Sabu Vs. Rhino
Not much weight to this match at all, but I enjoyed the match a bit much. At one point, Sabu and Rhino both went for chairs and then ended up having a light saber style duel in the middle of the ring that was just a great spot. After that spot, Rhino laid out two chairs and went for the Rhino Driver, but Sabu reversed it into a Huricanrana off the top rope and onto the chairs. It was another good spot, but for the reaction it got, you'd think it was the hundredth time the crowd has seen it; looks like the spot fest style is finally taking its toll on the crowd. Anyway, Sabu went to the top with a chair and then threw it at Abyss who ran in. Sabu then received a gore by Rhino who picked up the win. Like I said, the match really had no weight to it, but for the chair spots, I enjoyed it.
Winner: Rhino
Star Wrestler: Rhino
Rhino is the kind of worker that you can tell if he's trying. When he is, he's delivering good matches with anyone. When he's not, he's delivering bad matches with anyone. It's just blatantly obvious to see how he cares in some matches, but not in others. He truly seemed to care here and I loved his spots and the gut psychology he started to work in. Someone needs to tell him that Sabu threw out that book a while ago though. Sabu may be a "legend" and I do respect him for putting his body through so much for the fans, but there are people who took the same amount of abuse, if not more, as he did but made it make sense. Off the top of my head, Mick Foley and Terry Funk instantly pop-in to view. Plus, a lot of Sabu's offense is great in theory, but in reality, is just appalling. Throwing chairs at people? For the way they hit and the way the wrestlers sell them, it must be one of the most horrible ideas conjured up. I know they are trying to save a headache later, but why do a spot that's built on stiffness if you're not going to be stiff? Sabu, just pelt the damn thing at someone.
Afterwards, Abyss and Rhino go after it. Rhino tries to hit the Gore onto Abyss, but Abyss nails him with a Big Boot. Abyss then goes for the tacks, but Hardy comes out and lays out someone; I don't know who to be honest. Eventually, they all set up for a planned stare off spot where they all went after each other as security just came in. We know it's staged and you plan out every spot, but why make it seem that way? Why not go at it for a good 30 seconds 1 on 1 on 1 on 1 in the middle of the ring before security comes out. Oh, well. It got over the feud well and that's a good thing. Quick side note: Jeff Hardy looks so out of place in this kind of match. Yes, Sabu may be the same size, but Sabu is someone throwing chairs everywhere and has a reputation for being homicidal. All Hardy does is bump. Why is he in this match?
Commercial break times four equals me wishing Monster's Ball would just be condensed into Rhino-Abyss and Hardy-Sabu.
They then show a video hyping up BFG and of course, there is no mention of the Liger-Joe match. With the quality that match is going to put out, that should be right up there with the X Division and NWA title matches in terms of promotion. A build-up of Nash-Jarrett-Ortiz follows and then they announce a six man mayhem (aka six man tag match) for next week: Jeff Jarrett, Monty Brown, & Abyss Vs. AJ Styles, Jeff Hardy, & Lance Hoyt. That reeks of nonsense, guys, and for the penning "Column O' Nonsense," I think I have a good idea of what constitutes nonsense. Why is AJ Styles in it? He has no ties via storyline/feud with anyone in the match. Second off, Abyss and Brown have both been putting over the whole summer/fall how they want and will take the NWA title. Why are they then teaming with the NWA champ instead of against him? I am really not looking forward to next week.
Iron Man Challenge
Christopher Daniels Vs. Shark Boy, Sonjay Dutt, & AJ Styles
This was a lot different than I imagined it to be as I thought it would be just a fatal four-way. The way it turned out though was actually a great, novel idea. However, like a lot of ideas, this was great in theory, but flawed in reality due to human error. Basically, Daniels had fifteen minutes to beat all three wrestlers AJ Styles hand-picked. He'd go one-on-one with one, beat him, and then move on to the next one; all with the clock counting down. It started off with Shark Boy and this portion of the match had me believing something great was coming. Shark Boy utilized the time limit mind-set perfectly by running around the ring and drawing out time, and when he did get on the offense, he targeted the neck! Here is a guy who knows he is going to lose and not many people are going to care about what he does, but he still tries to make sense in the ring by setting up for his finisher. Too bad the commentators missed the boat on selling that. Side note: the Death Sea Drop (aka Diamond Dust) is one of the coolest moves ever; I would have pissed my pants had I seen it! Daniels eventually made a comeback which consisted of one move: the Angel's Wings. I was a bit torn on that. I like how it made Daniels look more powerful, but I also would have liked to seen more. I guess it's just the fact that I wanted to see more of Shark Boy because in reality, it was a good way to do it because it made the heel look more cunning, powerful, and intelligent. After this, Dutt popped in and we got about sixty flips before heading to commercial break.
Commercial break times five equals we got at least ten times that many flips before the break.
Back from the break, Daniels is actually carrying Dutt well, but the mind-set of the clock is totally idiotic. Why would you waste your time picking apart a guy when it runs down the clock? I appreciate the effort by Daniels, but it's severely misplaced here. Daniels did a great job of grounding Dutt from doing as many flips as he would normally, and I have to applaud him for that; however, I just can't get over Daniels ignoring the clock. He should be playing to it, not against it. That's the opponent's job. Eventually, Daniels hits the Angel's Wings again and he takes down another. I would have liked to see him switch it up here; maybe use the B.M.E. to take out Dutt. It just seems repetitive. Anyway, after Dutt gets knocked out, the match falls completely to shambles. Daniels wastes time calling out the next guy who turns out to be Styles. Daniels then runs away thus wasting time from the clock. Here's a thought: attack him when he's entering the ring! You've got the advantage then, not him! After they stop the chasing spot, they do some good quick paced action which makes sense due to the time limit. In the end, time runs out after Daniels bails and I guess it's a no contest.
Winner: No Contest
Star Wrestler: Shark Boy
This match made Daniels seem like a star and a loser. Here we have Daniels, the hated guy of TNA, and Styles, the love-child of TNA. Who do you think the crowd is leaning towards winning at Bound For Glory? Of course, AJ Styles. How do you dispel that notion? Have Christopher Daniels win this little challenge match, of course. The whole concept of the match was great and it showed great intelligence, resourcefulness, and quick thinking by Daniels. Even throwing Styles in was something I didn't see coming (I was really thinking Siaki would come out of the back) and it made perfect sense! Having Daniels lose though? A true bonehead move. It makes him look weak and stupid considering he said he would win. Now AJ Styles is the one hundred percent favorite, and you never want that in a match because it eliminates all heat that a heel might get from an entrance to a comeback or offense. This was a good match marred with a horrible ending. Crap, I'm supposed to be talking about Shark Boy. Well, in the end, Shark Boy really blended psychology and the time limit mind-set into the match better than anyone. Dutt would have been content to flip a couple million more times; Daniels was ruining it with little things like getting on the mike, running around, and wearing down an opponent; and AJ Styles really mastered the time-limit part of it well, but not the psychology. Shark Boy is someone TNA needs to utilize more than just as an enhancement talent. His spots with Daniels prove he can go with the best of them and his pops prove that the crowd wants to see him more than they do half the main event.
After the match, AJ gets on the mike and proves why he needs to do so many spots to get over and TNA goes off the air.
This was definitely a better Impact! than last week, but it still had a lot of problems. It had some good matches on it, but in the end, they felt rushed and because of that, the weight of the match was lost. Matches like Young-Bentley and Sabu-Rhino make me ponder a popular debate: is TNA really suited or ready for a two hour time slot? On one hand, if they took their time now and just drew it out to two hours, it would be great. Matches would be given a lot more time, and you could add in more promos and segments so people could actually care about the wrestlers. Before you try and refute that statement, let me say that chanting "This is awesome" when AJ Styles takes a nasty fall after being demolished solidifies the fact that TNA fans do not care about anyone in the whole promotion, rather the spot, spot, spot nature of the matches. That's not wrestling. On the other hand, I'm a little scared that if TNA got the extra hour, they would just pack in more junk and make the program even more rushed, In the end, that's Impact!'s biggest problem; it's rushed to hell. Instead of spacing out things and giving some matches some more time and cutting out other ones, they just need to ram in as much as humanely possible. TNA just needs to space it out better. There should be two matches on the show with the main event going about fifteen to twenty minutes. The rest should be filled with some segments and video packages. In all honesty, TNA fans bitch about WWE having too much talking, but TNA doesn't have enough. In the end, not having but one or two segments a week (and the existing ones only focusing on the main event) is not really helping your audience feel the cause of the wrestler. Wrestling is about emotion, not about acrobatics. Make your audience care about the wrestler himself rather the moves he can do. If TNA can accomplish that, they will surely get louder reactions, bigger ratings, and maybe become legitimate competition to the WWE. All in all, I actually enjoyed this week's Impact!, but when you look at it, it just blatantly shows the problems they have.
Well, I think I've done enough ranting on TNA for one week so it's time to wrap this up. My next few reviews will cover Raw and some Indy wrestling on the internet like NECW TV. Those will be up later this week hopefully. I thank you again for sticking with me, like me or not. The feedback you guys have given me has been great and I truly appreciate it. Feel free to drop me some thoughts as my contact information is below. Well, that about wraps it up so time for the tag line. ‘Till next time, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch!
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