They show the TNA opening video and then a recap of Team 3-D's debut from last week along with Don West and Mike Tenay marking out like eleven year old N-Sync fans. Team 3-D then cuts a pretty decent promo talking about how they made an impact and how are they going to beat AMW bad. God, I missed them. They then show that cool new Impact! opening video and we go right into it.
They show Raven again being handcuffed and thrown out. I see what they are trying to do with Raven here, but they are just falling flat on their face by doing minute (or less) segments with this. They need to have Zybsko speak on the incidents Raven is causing or else just not do them. Pick one.
Six Man Tag Match
Team Canada Vs. 3 Live Kru
Thank god 3LK is on this edition of Impact! 3LK is probably one of the most marketable and eye-catching things in TNA and I think they should have been on the last show for sure. They could have cut that Brown squash or cut time away from those drawn out promos and segments and easily included a segment or short squash with these guys that would have exposed them to a crowd wanting more for this week. As far as the match goes, this was a bad six man tag match for TNA. TNA usually delivers good or average six man tag matches (mostly good) so for this kind of match, it was kind of pathetic. There was just no weight to the match and nothing really happened. Even more, there were blown spots and idiotic moves here and there. For instance, Konnan tried to do the shoe spot with Eric Young. Konnan missed and Eric Young still sold, despite the obvious miss. Great use of common sense there, Young. It was a good way to open up the card though, but then again, any 3LK match would be good to open a card. Finish came when Killings hit the Axe Kick on Young for the win.
Winners: 3 Live Kru
Star Wrestler: Ron Killings
No one was really worthy of this accolade in this one, but I guess I give it to Ron Killings as he did a good job of showing off for the cameras. Yes, that makes me as a reviewer mad, but I know that's going to get TNA more over because flashy guys like that (even if they don't use it in any strategy) will help them get over.
After the match, Team Canada tried to beat down 3LK, but Kip James, who was watching from the ramp the whole time, ran down and saved BG James. Konnan then got in his face and BG was caught in the middle of some confusion. God, someone tell Kip James that a ponytail that small only makes you look gayer than when you wrestled a gay gimmick in WWE.
Commercial break number one, baby.
Back from break, the announcers hype up the main event tonight which should be really good. Like last week, Don West still looks like they are dangling a doughnut in front of him. God, whoever thought putting him in front of a mike was a good idea needs to be locked in a room 24-7 with West for a year. That's definitely an "eye for an eye" philosophy right there. They then show a pretty good video highlighting and explaining Ultimate X. They didn't really say that Ultimate X would be at Bound For Glory which boggles the mind. Common sense is wasted again in TNA.
Triple Threat
Christopher Daniels Vs. Austin Aries Vs. Matt Bentley
What the hell is up with Bentley's hair? He's got some stupid semi-dreadlocks going on and makes him look like the biggest poser since John Cena. Match was less spotty than last week's triple, but last week's seemed to have more of a story and actual interest in it. I think it's because last week's actually had some kind of feud in it with Williams and Sabin. This one just had three random guys going at it. Action was good and only really had one moment where you saw a hint of a spot fest. Aries gave Bentley a head scissors to take him out of the ring. Bentley was up and back on the attack in less than 20 seconds. Good selling there. Aries was great in this match though by staying on people and hitting nice arm drags in the opener. Daniels wasn't his usual self, but I think it's because he's used to being the bump boy in Triples, but this wasn't the case. I did enjoy how there wasn't as much double team action as there was action in doubles. Basically, what I mean is there was only one double team spot and there were at least four spots where one wrestler took down two others. It didn't really seem like overkill either, like I've seen in other matches, because it flowed well. Overall, it was a pretty good match, but lack of interest from the crowd and no real feud going on between any of the three caused the match to be hurt a bit. Finish came when Sabin and Williams came out to duke it out. Bentley then did a plancha to them on the outside. Thank god the match ended right after that because moves like that need to be sold for a good ten minutes (bare minimum of five) and I don't think Bentley can even fathom selling for a good minute let alone ten. Aries went to the top to try and take out all of them which didn't really make sense, but I'll let it slide. Daniels interrupted him and brought him down to hit the Angel's Wings and pick up the win.
Winner: Christopher Daniels
Star Wrestler: Austin Aries
I swear, as each week goes by, I see Daniels get worse and worse. Sure, he has his moments like at Unbreakable, but more and more, I just see him doing his trademarks with nothing else and no real strategy. Aries in TNA is a nice breath of fresh air though and hopefully is teaching people like Bentley that selling is the key to making a match believable and that much more powerful. Aries in the opening was great and as the match progressed; he seemed amazing not wasting a single moment. The only thing I didn't like from him was the fact that he climbed to the top, but it was the finish and who knows what he would have done? All in all, Aries was the star. Enough said.
Commercial break number two, honey.
They then show the Bound for Glory commercial which basically delivers the same message as every other TNA video. They are warriors, innovative, blah, blah, blah.
They then show a video of Abyss. I love them doing this to put over their feuds, matches, and stars. However, they didn't do one on the six-sided ring which was probably what they should have opened with last week to better explain it to their fans rather than have Tenay keep saying, "I bet you noticed that six-sided ring?" No, Mike. I just noticed that the wrestlers were involved in some kind of oddly shaped ring, but simple math eludes me to the point where I didn't want to feel dumb trying to count the sides. Thank you for saving me that embarrassment.
Abyss Vs. Sonny Siaki
I might be wrong, but I think this bald look is new for Siaki. I'm just not digging any of the looks from wrestlers tonight. Kip's hair makes him look like a sissy; Aries' trimmed hair doesn't play to his insane gimmick or demeanor; Bentley's dreadlocks make him look like a poser; and now we have the penis-head Siaki. I'm nitpicking, but it's the little things that make a wrestler great or horrible. Siaki was great in this match regardless of the haircut. His chopping spot on Abyss was amazing and a great way to add a bit more depth to an otherwise standard squash. Someone put Siaki with Brown. Brown might look actually good to smarks for once! Abyss was his normal self. He's a good big man, but I think he's past his prime. He's probably realized he will never get a title shot and it's kind of obvious because right after his match with Raven, he just started getting sluggish. Abyss is still better than most even when he's sluggish and definitely someone who should have held the title by now. Like you would guess, it was a squash that Siaki added more depth too and Abyss won with the Black Hole Slam.
Winner: Abyss
Star Wrestler: Sonny Siaki
That chopping spot was just perfect and Siaki adding in random offense to try and take down the monster was great. Siaki is the kind of enhancement talent TNA really needs at this point. Guys who have no problem jobbing every PPV, will still sell like no one's business, and can add more depth to otherwise short, meaningless matches are definitely what TNA needs whether they know it or not. Good job, Siaki. Grow your hair back now.
They then show a brief and lackluster (compared to their others) video on Samoa Joe putting over that he's unstoppable. They also said he was undefeated, but I could have sworn he lost at Unbreakable. Oh, wait; that's just common sense. Again, TNA lacks it.
Commercial break number three, sugar.
We then get a pretty bad segment with Larry Zybsko, Jeff Jarrett, Tito Ortiz, and Kevin Nash. They basically put over the fact that Ortiz is the special guest ref for the Nash-Jarrett match. They really should have put over the fact that the last time Ortiz was ref, Jarrett lost the title. Of course, TNA and common sense again are like oil and water. Jarrett and Zybsko carried this segment though, which shows you how pathetic this segment was. Someone like Ortiz really shouldn't talk. His demeanor and look is so menacing, but when he talks, he sounds like a total wuss. Then you have Kevin Nash and I don't think I even have to explain myself for that one. I was just counting the moments until it was over and my prayers were eventually (big emphasis on eventually) answered with a break.
Commercial break number four, sweetie.
Shane Douglas is then with Christopher Daniels who literally delivers his worst promo ever. He was emphasizing wrong phrases, over-selling the whole thing, and just acted like he was really waiting to get the hell out of there. Considering Daniel's promos from earlier this year in TNA and his ROH promos, this should have been good, but sadly, wasn't. Daniels basically said he was going to get his title back and challenged Styles for a little preview. He said put him against any three stars in the X Division and he could beat them in fifteen minutes or less. AJ Styles comes out and for the first time (and hopefully last time) ever, he is the superior to Daniels on the mike. He says Daniels is on and he knows who he will pick. Now the real question of the promo arises: what three stars in the X Division can TNA job out to Daniels and make it believable? Let's see: Shark Boy, Sonny Siaki, Jerrelle Clark, Mikey Batts, et cetera. Wow. It wasn't that hard and again, that's TNA and that's just sad.
America's Most Wanted Vs. Team 3-D
Thank god they actually had a match as a main event. Unless you have a huge segment (not-drawn out), you should always have a match in the main event. Debuting the Dudleyz in the main event last week was good. The ten hour segment before that which included around six pointless wrestlers? Not good. Believe it or not, this is definitely a pure dream match, and I wish TNA had saved it for a massive PPV match. Why give away a dream match on TV, even if you're trying to soak in the ratings? A match like this belongs in the main event of a TNA PPV, hands down. Like the Dudleyz or not, you can't argue that if you think of tag teams in the WWE since 2000, they instantly pop into your head. For TNA, it's the same way with America's Most Wanted. They go to a commercial break early in the match, but leave it on a good note so it was actually a good thing. Team 3-D cleared the ring and stood tall and we went to the last break.
Commercial break number four, um, well; friend? God, I suck at comedy.
For some reason, it looks like Brother Ray is the "face-in-peril." I'm sorry, but the equation of Devon always being the weak face in tag matches always worked, so why break a good run? Ray was built for the hot tags and he is built for that apron too. Devon sucks at riling up the crowd and Ray is a master of it. To his defense, Devon was pretty good on the hot tag and Ray worked well in peril. I guess I was wrong, but to make the equation work in the opposite direction, Devon needs to learn how to work from the apron. Ray and Devon used a Doomsday Device in this match for some reason. They didn't even get a chance to use their own move (one of the best tag team moves ever) because out came Gail Kim and got AMW DQed for low-blowing Devon.
Winners: Team 3-D
Star Wrestler: Brother Ray
God, this match was perhaps the biggest let-down all year. They really should have saved this match for later and the whole purpose of it was to get over the new four person alliance and injure the Dudleyz. You could have easily done that in a segment. Why must TNA mess up a dream match like this by giving it no time and virtually no story to tell in the ring? Jeez. As far as the star wrestler goes, I guess Ray was it. You really didn't get to see much from anyone except Devon and Ray as AMW was tagging in and out so quickly and we missed them in control. Ray is just the better worker of Team 3-D so I guess he gets it. Dream match, my ass.
Devon grabs Gail Kim and goes for a powerbomb, but Jarrett comes out and nails Devon with the belt. Devon blades shortly after. I don't mean to be racist, but dark skinned people like Devon and Killings blading doesn't work that well. The red is more accentuated on lighter skinned wrestlers, and unless it's obvious and accentuated, it's not really meaningful to blade. Plus, black wrestlers usually have to blade a bit more than others because a little blade won't show up as much so then we get too much blood for segments like this. For instance, you can tell Ray didn't blade too much, but enough to get notice. Devon had to gush though to make it noticeable and I really didn't think it was that needed. Again, I really didn't mean to sound racist, but it's just true that there is never a good way to blade a dark skinned wrestler unless you're in a huge hardcore match. Either you're going to blade not enough or too much; and no matter what you do, it just ends up looking out of place. AMW, Jarrett, and Kim continued the beat-down on Team 3-D and tried to make me forget that horrible main event. It didn't really work though and Impact! went off the air until next week's bore-fest.
TNA Impact! this week was horrible and a definite downgrade from last week's worthwhile debut. TNA did deliver a fine three way and a nice decent squash, but the matches they put the most time and effort into didn't deliver at all. Even more, TNA had four backstage segments/promos this week, and only one was good. Raven's was short and pointless, Daniels' was the very definition of overacting, and the Ortiz one was just worthy of me gouging my ears out. The Team 3-D one was good, but if you have seen ECW promos or early WWE promos by them, you would know this was one of their more generic promos. However, the nail in the coffin this week was surely the main event. How dare TNA mess up such a dream match like that? Now, you know they will have another match down the road and that one will be miles better, but people will always remember this as the first. Do you think HBK-Angle from Wrestlemania would have been as good had they done a crappy TV match a few months beforehand? Nope! Overall, TNA Impact! truly sucked this week and I want those forty-two minutes of my life back, Ms. Carter. That's going to end it from this negative edition of "Squared Circle Reviews" so I'm signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch.
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