The normal package plays, the TNA one and then the Impact one, and we go right into it this week instead of some crappy review/recap. Wow, TNA didn't use a chance to shill itself. Great!
Chris Candido Tag Team Memorial Cup - Round One
Alex Shelley & Sean Waltman Vs. Shark Boy & Abyss
Ugh, the feed started messing up again. TNA really needs to make it so we can download these instead of just watching a live feed. This happened last week and drove me nuts! TNA really needs to decide what to call Waltman too. His outfit says 6 Pac and they even introduced him as that, but they refer to him as Waltman and the little entrance bar says it too. Shark Boy and Alex Shelley start up in the ring and they go through the motions a bit. The action goes back and forth for a while with Shark Boy having Shelley's number. The crowd is way behind Shark Boy. Waltman is tagged in as Shelley runs out and Waltman takes control. Waltman, not 6 Pac right? Waltman keeps the control with a very good clothesline to Sharky in the corner. Waltman tags in Shelley and they hit some nice tag team offense as Waltman throws Shelley into Shark Boy with a knee, and as Shark Boy falls, Waltman hits the Bronco Buster. Shelley and Abyss go at it and Abyss comes in the ring. Shelley charges at him, yet Abyss grabs him. Waltman charges too and Abyss grabs him as well. But naturally, no double Chokeslam, rather the heel cheap shot. Abyss then takes them out with a double clothesline and then cleans house eventually hitting the Torture Rack onto Shelley. Shark Boy then tried to get some offense going, but he turns around and walks right into the Black Hole Slam as Mitchell laughs on. I love the super heel Abyss. He needs to ditch Mitchell though. That guy is way too annoying. Shelley takes the advantage and hops into hit the Shell Shock and they pick up the win.
Winners: Alex Shelley & Sean Waltman
Star Wrestler: Alex Shelley
Hard one to judge. It wasn't much of a match besides a filler and no one was giving a huge effort. Shelley though was playing a nice heel I thought, with his offense and him taunting Abyss into the ring. Naturally, since no one else did anything noteworthy, Shelley gets the nod.
They then show the same Jeff Hardy DVD ad they show every week. Whoopee.
Simon Diamond & David Young Vs. Mikey Batts & Jerrelle Clark
The two faces have jobber team written all over them, it's pathetic. Clark and Young start it off and Clark gets the quick offense onto Young. Flips all over the place, jeez. Slow it down Clark, who are you trying to impress. Batts is then tagged in and Young hits a nice reverse Black Hole Slam onto Batts and the heels take control. Diamond is tagged in and they hit a double elbow onto him. Batts tries to get a huge offense going with punches (pathetic spot monkey offense), but Diamond powers out and the heel control continues. Batts finally gets an opening by hitting an enziguri and they make the hot tag. This is a seriously condensed tag team match and no one cared about the hot tag. Young and Diamond are a pretty good tag team and I think with a couple more months, Young could be amazing. Young picks up the win with some power moves. I wasn't paying attention, too pissed off by the spot monkey's trying to sell being tired and then flipping everywhere.
Winners: Simon Diamond & David Young
Star Wrestler: David Young
The guy has potential and I like his power. I think a feud with Diamond towards the end of this year could really do something for the guy too. He was great in this match, but it doesn't take much too look great in comparison to two spot monkeys.
TNA then shows an Unbreakable ad. Of course.
Shane Douglas is then with Larry Zybszko and he is kissing ass intensely. He asks Larry what his plans are for the tag division. He says it's going to be America's Most Wanted Vs. Team Canada Vs. Naturals Vs. the winners of the Chris Candido Cup in a four way elimination style match for the belts. Now that's a match I am looking forward too. I love elimination bouts. I don't know why, but I mark like a bitch for them. Daniels then comes in and starts talking about how Daniels is the reason for TNA's success and Larry needs to do something about AJ Styles always attacking him. Larry then does a very bland spiel about keeping things simple and yadda yadda yadda. He then ends it by saying it will be AJ and Joe and Daniels in a triple threat for the X title. That's overkill. Why do it? Joe already went over on AJ, just have him steamroll Daniels now! Plus, it belittles the X Cup from last month. AJ loses, but still gets a shot? How dumb is that? Larry walks out and Douglas is sitting there laughing at him.
Elix Skipper Vs. Apolo
This is going to be great, guys. Just pure amazing. It will prove why TNA is amazing. Sense the sarcasm, please. Actually, the match starts off pretty well. Elix goes after Apolo and not with flips either. He latches on a headlock but Apolo just throws him across the ring. Commentators could care less though. Wait, what the hell? They take a commercial break in the middle of the match. Now, I know that Impact is still shown on TV in some markets, but this is a web cast! Just edit that crap out! Jeez.
Back from the stupid break (which I think was some shill for their 3LK DVD), Elix and Apolo are still going at it and Apolo German Suplexes Elix right into the turnbuckle. Nice. Very nice. Elix is trying to out-power Apolo, so Apolo is just showing him how idiotic that thought was. Elix eventually wraps up Apolo's legs on the mat, and when Elix breaks, they start to exchange chops. This is making Apolo look both very weak and very strong at the same time. Am I supposed to believe that the cruiser known as Apolo can just out-power Apolo with no problem? I really don't know what to make of this match. It looks like Elix said before the match that he was going to out-power Apolo, but they never said that until the match. As far as Elix's workrate goes, he keeps switching up everything so it's hard to judge. One minute he's flipping all over the place, the next he's trying to out-power Apolo, and the next he's trying to be Bret Hart. It's confusing. Apolo is the only constant in this match. Anyway, Elix does some top rope flips, naturally, and then Apolo fires back with two huge power moves and picks up the win.
Winner: Apolo
Star Wrestler: Apolo
Apolo was doing some nice selling and offense and actually remaining constant while Elix just switched strategies more than Kerry did with his plans for Iraq. If Elix had just picked one, this match would have been miles better.
Shane Douglas is then with Petey Williams and Kip James and Williams has ponytail on that makes him look so girlish as opposed to menacing which is one of the things I liked about him. Kip talks about the cup and how it is great paring up veterans with up-and-comers, and Kip says that with his experience in the tag ranks and Petey's Canadian Destroyer, this tournament will be no problem. Monty Brown then comes out and yells at Kip for trusting BG. Brown yaks on and on and bores me out my mind. He tries to mock Williams, but it fails horribly. Why Brown has fans, I'll never know. Jeff Jarrett then comes out and it turns into a mess of a segment. He talks about how they need to stick together against TNA management, and he asks Williams if Team Canada is with them to which he says yes. Blah, blah, blah. Ha! Brown calls TNA entertainment! Throw that defense out the window, WWE bashers! Brown challenges Jarrett and tells him nothing will stand in his way for the title. The segment ends, thank god, and I am so happy he didn't do that stupid pounce yelp.
Of course, they go to another commercial break, this time for Bound for Glory.
Chris Candido Tag Team Memorial Cup - Round One
Kip James & Petey Williams Vs. Konnan & Lance Hoyt
To listen to Doug Nunnally interview Lance Hoyt, click here.
Petey really needs to lose the ponytail. He's a better male diva than Juvi in WWE. Lance and Konnan have the crowd in the palm of their hand, it's great. Konnan and Petey start it off with some motions and Konnan coming out on top. Whoever told Petey and Kip (I just noticed Kip has one too) that ponytails were a good idea needs to win a Darwin Award. Lance Hoyt. Kip and the ref go at it while Konnan throws Hoyt at Petey and Hoyt steamrolls him. Konnan then does his shoe spot as Kip continues the arguing, but Konnan then pelts the shoe right at Kip too. Great spot with him and Kip hating each other. As Konnan goes after Kip, Petey chop blocks him and Kip gets in control. He goes over to taunt Hoyt and Kip is playing pretty good. Petey is tagged in and the ponytail is gone! Yes! Petey then mocks Konnan and if Petey ditched his offense and made it make sense, he could become one of TNA's best heel. The guy can really rile up a crowd and his acting is great too. Kip is tagged back in and the assault continues. Action continues with the two trading in and out and Konnan still waning. Konnan finally makes the comeback with the Rolling Thunder and they don't even draw out the hot tag. Way too abrupt. Hoyt gets in though and cleans house, but then Petey tries to take out Hoyt's legs and then goes for the Canadian Destroyer. Hoyt stops it and then just literally tosses Williams around with a powerbomb. Kip then hits Hoyt and signals for the Fame-Asser, but Konnan trips him up and Hoyt measures Kip up and then hits the big boot on him for the win.
Winners: Konnan & Lance Hoyt
Star Wrestler: Lance Hoyt
Another hard one to judge; actually, very hard one to judge. There wasn't much to the match and it was just used to fill time it looks like. I'm giving it to Hoyt just because I did an interview with him. It's my review, so oh well! To listen to that interview, click here.
Shane Douglas is then backstage with America's Most Wanted and he asks him about the upcoming four-way. They talk about how they finally get the chance to go for the titles and beat down the Naturals. They then talk about how the became the most dominant team by fighting and brawling and they are going to keep doing it. Sorry about your damn luck! Typical promo, nothing special.
They then show a Destination X DVD ad as well as another Unbreakable ad. Does anyone else feel like the ads for all the PPVs are the same? They all have the same message and way of talking. Get a new idea!
Larry and Shane are walking backstage looking for Jeff Hardy and Larry is moaning about Jeff being suspended and not being professional and how he has a huge match against Bobby Roode at Unbreakable. Wah, wah, wah. God, TNA turns legends into bumbling fools. Jeff Hardy hangs down from the bleachers like Spider-Man and says "You wanted me back? You got me back" and then goes away. Totally pointless segment that did nothing but make me lose a few IQ points.
Bobby Roode Vs. Raven
Raven looks so comfortable with that belt. He deserves it too. 2003 was Raven's year and he spent it making everyone but himself look amazing. Anyway, Roode pushes Raven to start as Raven lays the belt in front of him. Raven pushes him back and then Roode starts to beat down Raven. Roode goes for a huge shoulder thrust then and Raven moves out of the way and Raven goes on the prowl. He starts an amazing offense onto Roode, but then the genius bookers decide that the match is getting good, so it's a good time for a commercial break!
TNA then shows the Unbreakable ad for the third time and the Bound for Glory ad for the second time. Get some new ideas!
Back from break, Raven is still in control and still throwing Roode into the post shoulder first. Petey Williams then distracts the ref and Roode gets a low blow on Raven. Roode then gets in control here and Raven is in trouble. Roode keeps the control not very well in my opinion. He does a nice suplex and face tear, but other than that, he just walked around the ring! It starts to pick up though as Raven starts to recover and Roode chops him down some more. Raven then ducks out of the ring and Petey starts to go at it with him. Petey sans ponytail, I might add. After beating on Raven, Petey throws Raven back in the ring and Roode continues the attack on the champ. Roode locks in a headlock and it looks like Raven might be out. Roode does some decent heel work here with shifting his body around to put more weight onto Raven's neck. Raven gets up and tries to make a comeback, but Roode slams right back down to the mat. Roode started off pretty mediocre in this match, but he got better fast. Real fast. Roode starts to throw Raven around the outside, but eventually Raven twists his arm and gets a desperation move in the form of the Russian Leg Sweep. They get back in the ring and go at it amazingly. Roode is selling Raven's offense very well and it's getting kind of brutal here with the punches and shots to the turnbuckle. Raven gets the bulldog onto Roode, but he kicks out. Raven then goes after Roode, but Roode drop toe holds him out and Petey slams him into the post. Back in the ring, Raven plays possum for a clothesline that Roode goes for, and after he takes the ref out, Raven locks in the Ankle Lock! Williams jumps the ring and goes for the Canadian Destroyer, but Cassidy comes out and makes the save for his hero! Roode then rolls Raven up and gets a half Boston crab onto Raven and it looks like Raven might be out of it. Raven squirms his way out of it and kicks Roode straight into Petey on the apron and then hits the DDT and it's over.
Winner: Raven
Star Wrestler: Bobby Roode
He started of the match pretty mediocre, like I said, but he got really brutal with Raven while he was in control and the way he sold Raven's chops, shots, and whips were really great and made this match look ten times better than it was. The match itself was decent. Raven and Roode were stiffing each other a lot which was fun, but there was too much going on elsewhere in the end and beginning for it to be great.
Just as I get ready to type "Where's Rhino," the man-beat comes out and the two start fisting it out. Raven comes out on top with some discus punches and then a bulldog. Abyss then comes out and starts to double team with Raven. Then the lights go out and Sabu is in the ring and he is pelting the chair at Abyss and Rhino. He then sets up the chair and jumps off it to take Abyss out. He clears the ring of both of them then and the two stand tall in the middle of the ring as Impact goes off air.
Overall, Impact was mediocre again. The backstage segments this time were mostly pointless and way too drawn out with the exception of AMW's interview which was short, to the point, and summed it up better than promos that felt like an eternity like with Jarrett, Kip, Brown, and Williams. The matches, I felt, were condensed for time because of those dumb segments and thus, they ended up hurting a lot. All three tag matches had no time for a hot tag build-up and the crowd didn't really care when the face made the save. The singles matches on the card tonight were good though and enjoyable and I would like to see another match with Raven and Roode with some more time added and maybe no one at ringside. That's all for this review, fans. Until next time you hear my ranting of psychology, this is "Squared Circle Reviews" signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch.
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